Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

You and four other friends who write for the same manga-inspired line of edgy romances dress up in lion robot gear, and at the culmination of the book signing, combine and become motherfucking VOLTRON

OMG I laughed so hard…

Honoria Pharte?  Um, thanks but… no.

I LOVE THIS!!!!!!

I could be stuck here all day…

I’m “Willow Masterton,” wearing “Naugahyde body suit with 3 extra tentacles or arm holes (your choice).”

Best part? My dog’s name is Willow. (Woof.)

I’d be Xandria Mellifluent, wearing a toga, laurel wreath and half a dozen oiled men dressed in nothing but loincloths.

Wow the only thing better than a mostly naked man waiting on me at a conference would be 6 half naked (and oiled!, can’t forget the oil) men following me wherever I go.  (Sorry Teddypig, you’ll have to get your own half a dozen ‘cause these are mine all mine.)

I got that one too, belmanoir...almost tinkled on myself.

Greetings. I’m Sedona Rilling. These are my amazing breasts and this is my fabulous ass. Don’t they look stunning in my skin-tight hot pink catsuit with Hello Kitty emblazoned on the back?

This could work for me.

Hello,
I’m Efflurgia Piddlybit and doncha just LOVE my backless cocktail dress, the better to show off the giant tattoo of the cover of my latest release on my back.

OK, that does it, I’ll never get published.

BTW,
Spamword= has93,
has 93 WHAT!!?!?

ROFL!!!  I’m Giovanna Craven.  Furry vest, horned helmet and giant battle ax. 

Thanks for the laugh.  I’m exhausted and sad for all the authors being discussed.  This was just the medicine needed.

Oh and Sarah!  That fab pic of us after the awards ceremony disappeared!  Sucks!

Hello all! My name is Lavender Eversole and my costume is: A blue silk gown wrapped around by a giant plush dolphin with its head emerging over your shoulder

LMAO!

I am Petunia Underwood.

And I shall stun you all in my Black leather corset, riding crop and assless chaps. 

Excellent, I always thought the Rodeo Dominatrix look would work for me…

Zarina Rilling

A black silk shirt unbuttoned to the waist, a gold medallion, fake chest hair and a David Hasselhoff mask.

Yep that sounds about right.

Opaline Lullane here, wearing a toga, laurel wreath and half a dozen oiled men dressed in nothing but loincloths. Oh yeah!

I’m Willow Syrah or perhaps Syrah Willow and I look gorgeous in a Victorian riding habit, complete with train and epaulettes. Any suggestions for the colour of my horse which I intend to ride to all signings?

Hello, I’m Heather Bitte and don’t you just love my lace bodystocking :)

Cassandra Jones. Not bad. But:

Giant squid on the head, the ‘Feelings are Boring, Kissing is Awesome’ T-shirt from Dinosaur Comics, a leopard print miniskirt, purple-striped thigh high stockings and knee-high cowboy boots.

NO! For the love of God, please, no!

Keyword: Woman39.

Wouldn’t wear the above even if I were still 39.

Domina Alphonse here.

I’m going to wow you all with my red and blue tractor trailer with silver mask and a giant leaf over your privates: you are Optimus Prude.

Ok, but only if I get to use Peter Cullen’s voice!

Oh la la! Me liiiikes....

I’m the fabulous Chantal Belmontaine and my costume would be:
Fishnet body suit, thong underwear and blinking Christmas lights placed at strategic points of the body.

Awesome.*snort,snort*

Hi, I’m Yolande Linnet.  Please read my new novel Arthouse.  It’s the unauthorized sequel to the novelization of the movie Grindhouse.  Arthouse finds postapocalyptic stripper/savior/stand-up comedienne Cherry Darling looking for fame, love, and ammunition in her new career as a performance artist in zombie-infested Manhattan.  I’ve come dressed as my main character.  My faaaabulous costume for author signings is:

Black vinyl bra, mini-skirt and a machine gun for a leg.

For authenticity’s sake, I’ve had my leg amputated.  Well, yes, it hurts.  But who cares, I’m published! 

Now be a dear and hit the button on my morphine drip a time or two, will ya?

I Got Natasha Crescent, with white flowing gown, beard and angel wings.

But I’d rather be Schweine WaxHoff, with Black Leather bustier, mesh stockings, metal tipped leather whip, and The Hoff T-shirt.

I will also speak with a german accent like Dieter of “Sprockets”

Auf Wiedersehen!

Rinda! We must be related - I’m Vivienne Craven.

And apparently, I’ve ripped off belmanoir’s act.

...Only I’d rather be UNICRON than VOLTRON, don’t you think?

Hi! My name is Zarina Marque and I like to wear a ruffled-bodice empire-waist gown that stacks my cleavage like Jenga, with a diaphanous somewhat translucent skirt that, when backlit, shows off my wicked tight legs

Ready! OK!

Chantal Crescent here to charge you up and rock your world in my neon pink cheerleader outfit!

Gooooo Wildcats!!

(Now I’m SO thinking about the hawt 69 scene in A History of Violence. Married people? Blowing each other? Shutthefrontdoor!)

Lycenthia Jaxx “Mexican Wrestler outfit, complete with a huge feathered mask, gold cape and tag-teaming midgets”

What was the name of tha movie? With the priest turned wrestler, played by Jack Black (is that his name?)?

I got the name Pandora Indigo the second time with a Labrador on my head. Ah.

I’m Sara Alphonse and my costume is Armani, Hermes, Bulgari, Cartier, Tiffany, and some knockoff Balenciaga bag to go with it all. This means I’m Barbara Cartland, right? Right?

A toga, laurel wreath and half a dozen oiled men dressed in nothing but loincloths

Ooh, I love mine.  Now, where do find the men?

Wait, I think the “Thunder from Down Under” guys are coming to my city…

Ok, but only if I get to use Peter Cullen’s voice!

Hasbro has come out with a mask that will transform anyone’s voice into Prime’s.

It’s already on my Christmas list.

Yes, I am unashamedly a geek.

O, Candy, I love you so much it hurts.

But how are you going to put these generators in your book?

I’m Maureen Miller, and while sporting a lab coat, stethoscope, and giant laser gun on your hip, I’m an alien crime fighting MD.

It’s Sector General with a dose of crimefighting.

And since we’re romance here, I see an opportunity for some tentacle hentai action. heh heh heh

Oh this would get the publisher’s attention, I’m just not certain publisher of what.

Zarina Caravaggio, wearing thigh-high boots, leather shorts, a feather boa and nothing else.  (Oh come on, I need more than that, where the hell is my riding crop?)

Hello everyone - I’m Giovanna Stella.  I look fabulous in my skin-tight spandex leotard (ignore the cottage cheese), my giant red wig (a la Marge Simpson, only a diff color), and knee-high platform boots - cause what good are shoes if not to allow me to tower over all you little people (I’m already 5’9").  I have that “Superhero or Drag Queen” ambiguity that we all wish for!

(cue Underdog music - here I come to save the day for Abba lipsyncers)

I love it!

Emmeline Vond here wearing my very fetching:
Giant squid on the head, the ‘Feelings are Boring, Kissing is Awesome’ T-shirt from Dinosaur Comics, a leopard print miniskirt, purple-striped thigh high stockings and knee-high cowboy boots.

Best fashion advice I’ve ever had.

OMG if anyone does the VOLTRON thing, please let us know, because I WILL BE THERE.

Love it! Genevieve Belmontaine!

“A flowing white gown, fake beard and giant angel wings so your readers never forget who’s God in these here parts”

This time you bitches have gone too far!

I’m not getting any work done today ‘cause I had to keep clicking the generator until it came up with:

Daria Vond--A toga, laurel wreath and half a dozen oiled men dressed in nothing but loincloths

Screw dignity and professionalism, this is what I want!

motherfucking VOLTRON!!!

Candy--dude!! Stop giving away the Rebels 2008 RWA costume ideas!!!

;-)
Marianne

I’m Melisande Pettigrew and I’m wearing a
giant garbage bag tied around the waist by a big satin sash--because I am a PISTOL of GLORY

Thanks! That solves my problem of what to wear to the Midwest Literary Festival in October!

Yeah, umm...I’m not sure anyone will want to see me, “Yolande Masterson”, or my chapped ass in assless chaps.  Just a fair warning.

This time I’m Peyton Lullane and my outfit is:
Skin-tight spandex leotard, a giant red wig and knee-high platform boots, for that ‘Superhero or Drag Queen?’ ambiguity

Shouldn’t that read a “big ass” red wig?

Marianne - if you come as Voltron, I’ll come dressed as Giovanna, superhero and Abba lipsyncer!

I am Karissa Carvaggio and apparently Sedona Rilling and I need to have a smackdown since she is wearing my outfit. Really.

Wendi Passion (um yeah, that works for me)

And your faaaaabulous costume for author signings should be:
A giant feathered head-dress, buckskin loincloth, leather bra, Uggs and enough turquoise jewelry to choke the Spanish Armada

I worry about the feathered head dress. Does that mean swans?

I’m Giovanna Indigo: Giant squid on the head, the ‘Feelings are Boring, Kissing is Awesome’ T-shirt from Dinosaur Comics, a leopard print miniskirt, purple-striped thigh high stockings and knee-high cowboy boots

The scary part? I actually own a giant squid hat. I shit you not. I made it for Burning Man a few years back . . .

Sylvania Syrah
A backless cocktail dress, the better to show off the giant tattoo of the cover of your latest release on your back
LMAO! But what do I do for my next book release?

The scary part? I actually own a giant squid hat.

Of course you do. Which is exactly why Fate put us on the same shuttle to the conference and now you’re my new BFF.

Candy, I might fight you for a turn at wearing the squid hat.

The hat’s all yours, Candy. It’s black fleece and when you wear it, it looks like the squid is eating your head.

Maybe the squid hat should become the romance writers’ version of “flat matt”? We can mail it around and all take pictures of ourselves wearing it. LOL!

We didn’t get to meet and it broke my little black heart. But, I did get the pleasure of SB Sarah’s company which did help soften the blow. (apparently offering free food to a pregnant woman is a great enticement...) You with your purple hair and me with my pink hair...what a great picture that would’ve been.

Can’t we ‘rassle in pudding instead of jello? I get a little squicked out by the whole not a solid, not a liquid thing…

I’m Lavender Passion…

Costume = Carmen Miranda-style Pile O’ Fruit on head

Awesome. Can I add a lavender ballgown to the ensemble?

Emmeline Yglesias

A blue silk gown wrapped around by a giant plush dolphin with its head emerging over your shoulder.

Nah, it’s so not me, I’m way too short to wear dolphins.

Emmiline, far too sweet for me.

Ygelsias, too hard to spell.  And hey, where are the big name X,Y,and Z authors to surround me on the shelves so that someone might pick accidentally pick up my book.

Ooooh, I liked Zarina Pettigrew, with the lace bodystocking. Gotta lose ten pounds first, though…

Oddly enough, my verification word is ‘covered93’

Well while my name sounds some like some sort of exotic disease - Giardi Marsalis - I dooo love my outfit…

Red and blue tractor trailer with silver mask and a giant leaf over your privates: you are Optimus Prude.

Candy, if you and Mel-O-Drama do wrestle in pudding (while wearing a squid hat) - will you film and upload to the site? Please?

Ha! My word is ‘change 83’ - totally appropriate for my Transformer costume.

Jacki Caresse

Mom Jeans, fanny pack, black corset, and Nike trainers

That’s no costume!  I wore that to he grocery store yesterday!

Chantal Sherman here.  Domina Alphonse and Giardi Marsalis are already wearing my costume, so I’m gonna dress at Catwoman, only in red leather, and carry a whip.

Why hello there. My name is Zarina Trieste, and for your entertainment, I am modelling a “A liger fursuit, complete with giant erect penis with a barb at the end and dead chicken to masturbate over”.
My mother will be so proud.

Just call me Melisande.  Melisande Piddlybit (sorry, it’s a family name and I promised my mum I wouldn’t change it when I became famous.)

You’ll recognize me because I’m wandering around in a Ruffled-bodice empire-waist gown that stacks my cleavage like Jenga, with a diaphanous somewhat translucent skirt that, when backlit, shows off my wicked tight legs.  Of course, the rest of me is nicely padded and curvy but the legs?  Wicked tight.  It’s from the Piddlybit side of the family.

Hello, friends!  Raleigh Overhill here, just dropping by after my latest author signing. 

Started off the evening in a purple boa constrictor with orange day-glo vest but decided to change into something far more comfortable to join my pals.  So here I am in my Candy-provided black vinyl bra, mini-skirt and a machine gun for a leg. 

Hope you think I’m fabulous enough to fit in with you gorgeous ones -

Signed,
Finally98 (which feels oddly appropriate for this getup)

All-righty. My first costume involved assless chaps. I am a fat old woman and nobody wants to see me in assless chaps. Seriously, y’all need to trust me on this.

But another spin of the wheel produced:
Fiona Whisquebeer, dressed in a giant hat with your taxidermied labrador retriever, Buddy, curled up on top in a realistic sleeping pose.

There you go. Boilermakers for everybody. Two or three drinks and it’ll be “Tacky hat? What tacky hat? I don’t see no tacky hat…”

I have been dubbed “Scarlett Lullane” (awesome!  Scarlett is the name of my car!) and my super cool outfit is “Thigh-high boots, leather shorts, a feather boa--and nothing else”.

Yeah, I could see myself toodling around town in my Scarlett Element wearing that....

my word: almost67--like I’m wearing ALMOST nothing!

Nora Cresent
A black silk shirt unbuttoned to the waist, a gold medallion, fake chest hair and a David Hasselhoff mask.

I have this sudden urge to go play ‘WazHoff’ again.

Zarina Dunne, in a skin-tight hot pink catsuit with Hello Kitty emblazoned on the back! YES!!!

I am Ursula Alphonse.

I sport giant biceps in a sleeveless flannel shirt, backwards John Deere cap, and a ballgown skirt.

I fight crime.

weird.  it gave me my mother’s first and last name.

but my faaaabulous costume for author signings is:  Skin-tight hot pink catsuit with Hello Kitty emblazoned on the back

I’m totally changing my psuedonym from Taylor Reynolds to Melisande Pratt. And how did it know that I habitually wear a fishnet body suit and strategically placed Christmas lights??? It’s like the internet is psychic!

Introducing…
Petunia Eversole.  I wear a giant feathered head-dress, buckskin loincloth, leather bra, Uggs and enough turquoise jewelry to choke the Spanish Armada.

Too funny.

Arriving late, I guess, in a fishnet body suit, thong underwear, with blinking Christmas lights placed in strategic points on the body. Because, ya know, I wouldn’t want to be *tacky.*

This thing is awesome as hell.

(Also, I totally want that masks that transforms my voice into Optimus Prime’s. Only maybe not with this outfit. That might be too much.)

My brother had an Optimus Prime voice changing mask when we were kids. It actually performed better than you might expect a toy like that from 1986 to work.

Hi Chloe Florentine here.
I’m wearing a Beret, striped shit, and too much perfeme over too much body odor.
What I want to know if how anyone is going to get close enough to me to find out about my book let alone publish it.

word is choice63, not to such if I would choose that outfit but hey ho.

Definately like my second choice better.

Petunia Norton wearing a long lacy nightgown, a silk peignoir and painted-on vampire marks tasefully applied on the neck and bosom - for the outfit that screams class.

Jaci: you know that old joke about the difference between a kink and a pervert, right? A kink uses a feather; a pervert uses the entire goddamn chicken.

Holy crap. So not into fowl as fashion accessories.

Feather? Yeah. i can do that.

Uh, thanks Candy. *g*

Old joke? And here I thought Terry Pratchett made it up. I read it first in a discworld novel. Fit, beautifully.

Today my name is Mariposa Cesar and I am dressed as a Roman gladiator ( shouldn’t that be gladiatrix?) with shaven legs except for a stripe of hair up the back.  Seriously, if I laugh any harder I’m gonna fall off my chair.

Hello, my name is Melisanda Florentine and I’m wearing a faithful replica of Dr. Frankefurter’s costume.

Or is it Lycenthia Noire wearing a giant inflatable rat or pig costume made of vinyl complete with self-propelled inflating fan?

Nahh, it’s the first one.  I just can’t see myself dressed up as Wilbur or Templeton.  :)

Ha!  My word is ‘result22’.  As in ‘it took 22 tries to get the result I wanted’.

I am Ivana Belmontaine, and I am utterly fabulous wearing my “mom” jeans, fanny pack, black corset and Nike trainers.

Hmmmm, is it a coincidence that my word is wrong79? I think not.

Natasha Indigo:  Dark blue mohawk and a mermaid suit

Anyone who knows me will find that frighteninly like something I might actually consider.  Hmmm.