Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Phoo!  Actually the first one here but I don’t know it like I knew the Suz Brockmann one.  ::sigh::  It shall never be!

My Man Pendleton by Elizabeth Bevarly; heroine is Kit McClellan.

I’m already a peer.  Do I get a promotion???

lovelysalome,
Baroness Huntinne-Muffine

Sarah F - we should start a ‘peasant’ persons club.  I didn’t know this one either.

CindyS

I don’t think I have known any that I have seen! I’ll be a peasant then too shall I!

signs on with Club Peon

Shall we dub ourselves, then?  Sarah Slingmuck, Cindy Crapfest, Marg Mushymuff?  What about a secret handshake--if you don’t have to wipe your palm on your pants leg before you shake, you can’t come in?

Yeah, but what are you wiping off your hand?  ;) Sarah Slingmuck--I think I can deal with that until I’m elevated!

Dub me then also a peon, because while this sounds very vaguely like a few I might have read, none of them fit exact.

::sigh:: Forever doomed to peasantry…

Peasants unite…

Marg Mushymuff....nice!

*wiping hand on trouser leg*

Would you rowdy peasants settle down, or at the very least, fetch me a mojito?

Sincerely,

Darlene, Duchess Twitterpants

I feel the need to riot now.

::throws stick::

Duchess, perhaps we should take our mojitos to WITHIN the walls of the castle for my next coronation?  I am suddenly a touch fearful for my blue-blood neck…

lovelysalome,
Baroness Huntinne-Muffine

Baroness--I have always maintained the peasants are revolting.

And this mint is wilted. 

What is the world coming to?

Twitterpants

Ha! Sorry, no multiple titles allowed. Should have put that disclaimer on our contest, doh! But lovelysalome had it right.

Also, a peasants vs. aristocrats mud wrestlingn match would be AWESOME.

Get to it, girls!

*kicks back with some grape juice because of alcohol allergy*

Let me see… “And if you win multiple times - why, think of the glorious collection you can amass. It’ll be like Pokemon, only with bigger, bouncier knockers!”

Not that I’m greedy.  I’m just really flat-chested and have bounce envy.

Down with the aristocrats!!

*throws rotten tomato*

Wait.

Being a peasant I’m going to need that damn tomato.

*picks up refuse from the street*

This should do!

*raises arm, aims and bombs away*

Cindy Crapfest (hey, at least it wasn’t crabfest - yikes!)

(But come to think of it, if I’m not allowed another title, some commoner should steal my answer and grab herself a place in the peerage.  A title of nobility based merely on the merit of theft?  Now that’s edging toward a true aristocracy!)

So wait a minute, if the Baroness can’t have another title, can I come along and say, “Oh, it was Miss Kit McClellan in Elizabeth Bevarly’s My Man Pendleton” is that really cheating, or is it the Baroness just helping out a friend?

Just wondering.

I’ve been thinking about that for the last 12 hours as well! I had the post all typed out and then I deleted it because it didn’t feel...well fair!

Hold on a sec.

Why can’t I be one of those good samaritan aristocrats who rides about the estate and delivers pork jelly to the deserving poor?

One of you ruffians tries to smack me with a tomato is going to an full helping of this jelly upended on you in return.

Baroness Knickersnatch. :exclaim:

Mmmm....that stuff if hell to get out of your hair!

Maybe we should have a mud-wrestling match, total PVP!

Celeste, Countess Titte-Münche

(who is jealous of the rich Duchy of Twitterpants!)

Knickersnatch:  Booorrring!  What is the point of being above the hoi polloi if you insist on bringing them jelly?  No, our job is to go out to the stables and reacquaint that hunky, sweaty, stable boy with what noblesse oblige really means--I’m obligated to show that kid a splendidly good time in the hayloft.

And Titte-Munche?  Bring it.  I didn’t get this rich and powerful playing well with others.

Twitterpants

And in the meantime, dear duchess, this peasant will be masquerading as a governess in your home and ::gasp:: catch the eye of your widowed son and heir and we’ll run off and get married and I’ll end up with a title anyhow! (And a step-daughter that I of course adore)

So much for keeping the peasants in their place :)

>>:: catch the eye of your widowed son and heir and we’ll run off and get married<<

Hmmmmm...the rat poison is...ah, here it is! 

That boy.  Tsk.  I’m always having to clean up after him.

Good try, peasant.  Your inability to distinguish the shellfish fork from the cream soup spoon gave you away.

Sincerely, Twitterpants
(Still the biggest bitch in the duchy)

You’re on, Twitterpants!

And when we’re through, I’ll be glad to show your oh-so-luscious stableboys what the “munch” in Titte-Münch is all about…

Titte-Münche. Damn, can’t even spell my own title right.

Hah!  The stallion looks at my stableboy and weeps with jealousy!

Your stableboy?  Eh.  Good at sweeping out the straw. 

But give yourself time.  You’ll work your way up to the big leagues.

Twitterpants

But Duchess, I spent some time in the East building an immunity to iocane powder-- aw crap. Wrong immunity.

So I have to be the two-bit first love who dies so the hero runs away from home and travels to India to find his second love, who ends up being a runaway heiress about to be auctioned off for her virginity?

So not fair.

Maybe I’ll be the ghost who haunts your castle and reveals your vile deeds to your son later.

>>But Duchess, I spent some time in the East building an immunity to iocane powder-- aw crap. Wrong immunity.<<

Wrong book.[g]

>>So I have to be the two-bit first love who dies so the hero runs away from home and travels to India to find his second love, who ends up being a runaway heiress about to be auctioned off for her virginity?<<

Sure, as long as there's no secret baby.

>>So not fair.<<

“Life’s not fair.  It’s just fairer than death, that’s all."--The Princess Bride

Twitterpants

Your stableboy’s equipment? Hah! The title of “footman” at my castle refers to the minimum requirement for the job.

Good one, Celeste.  I like the way you think.[g]

Twitterpants

So how does this title thing work?  I found the name of the book, heroine and author here:

http://www.theromancereader.com/bevarly-pendleton.html

But I haven’t really figured out how the author’s name (Elizabeth Bevarly) combines with the heroine’s name (Kit McCllelan) and the title (Our Man Pendleton) to create a Smart Bitch Title.

Too late this time, but maybe next time.

<<>>

we SO NEED a smart bitch choose your own adventure book. or one of those text based pc games… it would be SO SWEET.

XD

-katie

oh, that didn’t post right.

i was trying to quote from darlene: “Good try, peasant. Your inability to distinguish the shellfish fork from the cream soup spoon gave you away.”

-katie

Katie M, I’m so with you on the Choose Your Own Adventure Romance. I was actually thinking about that last night while I was puking (morning sickness is not morning, thankyouverramuch). Something akin to Kingdom of Loathing, only with mantitty for graphics!

SBs: So, does anyone get a title this week? 

Peasants: Will there be a class-based mud wrestling throw-down?

Does anyone care now that we have covers to gawk at?