Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Is it, Tonight or Never, by Dara Joy?

Heroine’s name is Chloe Heart - or Carrottop, Chloe-rabbit, Chloe-keet, or any manner of animal/vegetable hybrid combination.

I’m pretty sure that’s it—she wants to convince him she’s a woman of the world, so she knocks him out cold right after he breaks her hymen so he won’t know she’s a virgin.

I couldn’t make this stuff up.

she wants to convince him she’s a woman of the world, so she knocks him out cold right after he breaks her hymen so he won’t know she’s a virgin.

...And Dara Joy got all those fans how?

WTF?  That sounds scary.  And I’ve read another book where the herione had a vegetable nick name.  Weird trend.

natch

They’re all just writing cleverly disguised Anne of Green Gables fanfiction.

Dang, looks like the winner’s already posted.  And here I was going to guess Rutabega McGee from that stirring novel “Rooting In My Veggie Patch.”

Carrot Top?  Oh dear Lord, say it isn’t so.

Did this have to come so soon after the Carrot Top pictures?

I’m pretty sure that’s it—she wants to convince him she’s a woman of the world, so she knocks him out cold right after he breaks her hymen so he won’t know she’s a virgin.

W.
T.
F.

Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables sounds like the one to me, you’re right Mickle - they sound awfully alike.

Tonstant Weader--nice to meet another Dorothy Parker fan--"This is not a book to be tossed aside lightly.  Rather it should be flung with great forces.”

Bloody hell. It IS thinly-veiled Anne of Green Gables.

I think I need to go cry a little for my childhood. Who’s next? Laura Ingalls-Wilder?

Yes!!  It pays to come out of the lurk…

I happened to be moving my library last night and guess which book got the lucky flip-through?

Congrats, Charis!  And let me just add that there are those occasions where I’m less than heartbroken that I have not read the novel in question, even if that keeps me from winning an additional title.

Darlene, Duchess Twitterpants.

Holy scenery-chewing, Batman! 

You’re right, O Boy-Wonder.  The writer has the worst case of Cartland Syndrome I’ve ever seen.  Quick, to the blue Bat-pencil!  There is serious editing work before us.

----------------------

She used SIX--I counted them--no less than six freaking exclamation points in narrative on the first TWO pages.

With that much excitement I didn’t think my heart could take any more.  My goodness, once the hero got off his massive, fiery stallion and started riding the carrot-topped bimbo in that overwrought style I’d likely drop dead.

I won’t even get started on her passive verbs.  Perhaps the writer assumes lively punctuation will balance those.

Wrong.

!!!!!!<== Count 'em.  I captured these wandering loose on the next few pages along with far too many italics!

:Bows down to her plastic statue of Dorothy Parker: --- “I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.”

I require ONE thing of a writer: never, ever waste my time.

Thank you, Smart Bitches, for steering me away from this drek.

Excuse me now while I get my eye bleach, and then ponder HOW the bleeping bleep anything that bad ever sold in the first place. 

Be assured, were Ms. Joy in my writer’s group we would be flinging HER across the room with great force.

I am so glad I’m not the only one whose mind immediately jumped to bad Anne of Green Gables smutty fanfic…

Good God! There’s smutty Anne of Green Gables fanfic? Must. Google. Gilbert’s the first romantic hero that ever made me squee… that scene in Anne of the Island where he proposes in the orchard… sigh… Good to know someone’s added engorged shafts of manhood to the mix.

LOL!
Drat...the one story I would have gotten off the bat and I’m late to the party.

And yes, I’m a trash reader cuz I actually enjoyed the story well enough to remember it....

The lead male was sweet, yet adequately hunky, sexy and good in bed.  The heroine was smart, the sex scenes sizzling, the relationship sweet and warm.

Not the greatest book ever, but I’ll read it again on a rainy day without frustration.

Unlike The WINDFLOWER!  I’d personally like to strangle whomever told me it was a romance!  SHEESH! If that’s a romance, I’m a 20 year old virgin nun.  But that’s another rant.

Good God! There’s smutty Anne of Green Gables fanfic? Must. Google. Gilbert’s the first romantic hero that ever made me squee… that scene in Anne of the Island where he proposes in the orchard… sigh… Good to know someone’s added engorged shafts of manhood to the mix.

I’ve seen good and bad AoGG smutfic, but the topper was when someone posted the deleted wedding night scene from The Continuing Story (I spit on you for that, Kevin Sullivan) on youtube. It was tame and awkward but hello Doktah Blythe!

I think I just lost the last shred of my innocence learning that there’s smutfic about Anne and Gilbert.

::Sigh::

Which is not to say I won’t be looking for it now…