Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Hmmm, this will require some careful thought… off the top of my head all I can come up with is “The Blue Baller” (which should always include the ‘the’, ala THE Caped Crusader).

I will return with further ideas later…

If the acceleration is even halfway decent, I’d like to suggest…

Blue-ball of fire!

The hyphen is optional.

Also, who can say “no” to the Smurfmobile? The color may be a little off, but it’s compact and cute and you can roll the windows down and cruise while blasting the Smurfs’ theme song...and the techno remix.

My first thought was Bubbles. But that’s probably not bitchinest enough. I must agree that you could do something wildly creative with the blue balls theme.

Oh dear lord, don’t tell me you bought one of those?!?!?!

How bout the Fuglymobile?

Oh my poor eyes.  Of course, you had a Bug before...that’s just as bad.

Robini,

When I first read your post I thought it said the hymen was optional…

Oh dear lord, don’t tell me you bought one of those?!?!?!

How bout the Fuglymobile?

I know better than to trust the taste of someone who thinks Johnny Depp is fugly, ha!

lol Well, I’m very particular about what kind of cars I like.

Well, I’m very particular about what kind of cars I like.

Well, sheeit, so am I. I just happen to think the xA looks good. (I loved the way the Beetle looks, too, shitty quality control notwithstanding.)

Dammit, you beat me to it!  I was thinking of having a contest to name my new baby ( http://shannonstacey.com/2005/07/10/mamas-got-a-sweet-new-ride/ ).  I don’t have the power (or the Photoshop) to bestow titles, though.

Hmmm....I guess to enter yours I’ll have to fire up the mental engine.  (And hope it’ll run on more cylinders than a Scion does!  Sorry.  Had to do it. *g*)

Oh, I vote for Blueballs and then some of these as an accessory.

http://www.bumpernuts.com/

My vote?  The Bitchinator.

How about the Bitchinator?  Or The Bitch-Mobile?  Or Bitchy-Bitchy Bang Bang?

I need more caffeine :grrr:

I name mine weirdly...My first car was named Esmerelda. My current mommymobile (a four door silver Chevy Prizm) is called Desdemona. They just pop in my head.

For some reason, when I look at your car, I think ‘Cassiopia”.

‘Course, it may just be the crack I put on my Froot Loops this morning. Ok, that’s a lie. But I did have a sugar-free Red Bull. That’s the legal version.

And the squirrel on the bumpernuts thing is freaking me out.

Oooh, Shannon, I saw pictures of your new baby a couple of days ago. It’s fucking gorgeous. I need to show the pictures to my husband, actually--he’ll die of envy.

And as for the slur to my 4-banger engine: as long as it’s capable of maintaining highway speeds and still get over 35 mpg while I’m hauling 500 lbs. of frozen cat food from Washington to Oregon, I’m happy :lol: . And shit, since I’ve only driven wee compact cars (with the exception of my husband’s monster ‘89 Chevy Caprice cop special), this car feels PLENTY zippy to me.

Captcha is miles72, motherfuckers!

wendy! I love Bitchy Bitchy bang-bang! that’s too funny. *snorts*

Nicole, I clicked that link before really considering what “bumpernuts.com” could be leading to.  As it loaded, my brain kicked in and I thought, “Noooo, no way.” But yes, yes way - someone actually manufactures multi-colored balls that can be attached to a vehicle.  Hilarious!  My favorite part of that site has to be how they proudly proclaim they are Made in the USA, as though Canadians or Germans or Sri Lankans could never reach such levels of genius or mastery in their manufacture. 

Anyway, as to the name, I’m afraid once I saw E.D’Trix’s suggestion I knew it was hopeless for me to come up with anything better.  That name - it’s just too perfect.

Holy crap, I just checked out the Bumpernuts website and AAHHHHH MY EYES AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH AHHHHH AHHHHHH!!!!

The car already has a set of fuzzy balls, anyway. A friend of mine gave me a set of leopard-print dice, which I have dutifully hung over the rearview mirror. They match my leopard-print mules, heee.

God, I am SUCH a yuppie whore. It’s shocking, really.

35mpg?

Well, I get like...10 (maybe on a good day), so I vote for The Blue Camel.

*muttering about gas prices*

Or Blueberry Gobstopper.

I had a temperamental Firebird named Iago once, and my Focus was named Zippy (don’t ask.) My current non-toy vehicle is named Big-ass F’ing Truck. (Which only gets 19 mpg.)

Now I know where my book budget went.  My gas tank.

Oooh, I like Bitchy-Bitchy Bang Bang, too.  You bitches are too creative.

I’ve never even considered naming my car.  Now I’m going to *have* to think about it.

Actually, I’m not sure why I’m so shocked by Bumpernuts, because God knows it’s no more (or less) retarded than Neuticles.

*headdesk*

Oh. My. God.

Retains his self esteem. Ack.

My God, neuticles...I’m kinda’ speechless.  Just think of the course of human history: all the struggles for survival, the sacrifices, the wars and the peace - they’ve all lead up to a moment in time where man could reach through the depths of all he’s learned and achieved in order to create...testicular implants for animals.  Astonishing!

I think my brain just tried to eat itself in self-defense.

lol I’ve heard of the Neuticles before.

What’s really bad is that the demand for car balls is so much that there are quite a few other websites out there that sell them.  I just randomly picked one.

Or if you want more feminine, you could go with some of these:  http://www.ballsies.com/

Note: I do not have nor want any of these.  *g*

Dude, neuticals crack me up! My boss is involved in the showdog world and told me that judges grab male dogs nuts to make sure that there are two balls a janglin’ in there. Apparently sometimes one refuses to descend which is a purebreed no-no.

Aaaannnd, scandal of scandals, some owner/breeders have resorted to neuticals to make there cy-balled wonders showable. The way it is most often detected? Said, ascended nut will finally make an appearance, resulting in the beautiful but rare tri-balled wonder dog.

Apparently this has happened more than once!

I knew better, but I still clicked - I had to see what ballsies were.

I did, however, restrain myself from clicking further into the “Poetry” link.  See, I have some self-restraint.  Or perhaps it’s a sense of self-preservation.  I don’t know which.

Reminds me of when I used to work on cars.

My guy friends and I used to part out and restore old musclecars. I caught a ribbing by some apelike being who insinuated that if you didn’t have a cock, you shouldn’t be working on cars.

So I went to the porn shop and bought one. With feet. It hopped, even. I kept it on the dash.

My other favorite response to that was, “ I DO have a cock. Several, in fact. At home, in jars.”

I only THOUGHT I had heard of everything when I looked at what a bumpernut was, but then to learn about 3-balled dogs....how quickly one can be proven one knows but the tiniest fraction of all there is to know.

What I find weird is that most people refer to their cars (and boats) as “she.” Which logically means that bumpernuts make a car transexual.

See, THIS is the kind of deviance Santorum should get worked up about. Screw sex toys, think about the wanton transgendering of American vehicles that happens every day! CHILDREN ARE RIDING IN THESE ABOMINATIONS!

(Personally, I want to see someone come up with a car-clit, and see how adept the men are at a) finding it, and b) manipulating it. Hee hee.)

And yes, Neuticles are mind-boggling, aren’t they? I think they’re sexist, too. What about Neuvaries and Neuteruses for female animals that have been spayed? What about THEIR self-esteem, dammit?

I had a male car...a 1969 Charger. He never got a name, because I had to sell him before he was restored. He didn’t need bumpernuts...he had enough balls on his own. I miss him.

OK, _This_ is the right place.  My suggestion:

“The Best Blue Job You’ll Ever Get.”

I guess “blue-baby” is unoriginal, gross and not sexy. Tough.

I’ll bust my braincell coming up with a load of alliterative ideas only if you’re offering a sexy little button like edtrix’s Ivana Turgidevna, Countess Slutskyev.

....will receive one of our hand-stitched, lovingly crafted Smart Bitch titles.

Oh, shit. I really want one of them titles. I better start scanning the “B” pages of the dictionary.

Oh trust me, Kate, Sarah and I have already decided on a title for the winner for this competition, and it’s a doozy--at least as good as Countess Slutskyev.

Alliteration is good. Hop to it, Miss Kate!

I suggest “The Blue-Balled Bitchmobile”. And of course you MUST have a pair of brass balls to hang off the back. Priceless.

I was on I-84 last night too, coming back from Troutdale. Wonder if it’s the same I-84?

Ooooh, Lilith, you live in the Portland metro area too?

(And yeah, that’d be the same I-84, though I was eastbound at the time my engine guard decided to commit suicide via roadrash, and it sounds like you were westbound.)

Clearly, the Blue Baller is the best choice. But, as alternatives, I suggest:

The True Blue Baller

The Sapphire Sexmachine of Death

Blue Johnnies Running

The Indigo Bitchy-Go

How about the Suburban Sapphire Slutmobile?

It’s long, but it does have alliteration in its favor.

Clearly you’re all blind. It’s obvious what her name is… Clamidia.

X

I think it’s got a very “Ride her” feel to it, i.e. Candy’s gonna “rider” all night long.  Hmm, so what about The Rider Cowgirl

Candy: I live in Vancouver, just north o’ the river. I was coming back from meeting a fellow author at the Edgefield McMenamin’s out in Troutdale. They closed a part of 205 NB and of course everyone needed to go that way NOW and so there were a lot of honking horns, etc. at 10PM. I was glad to bop over on I5 and go north. (Evil grin). Alternative routes rule.

How about The Big Blue Bitch or the Triple B

LMAO @ these suggestions!  Of course, my car’s name is short and sweet--the little Fucker.  Gender-neutral, easy to spell, and easy to remember in heavy traffic.

Then again there’s always Babe, the little blue box (instead of Babe the bigass blue ox that hung out with Paul Bunyan). 

And that’s as creative as I can be right now.  Alas.  Pitiful, isn’t it?  It’s difficult not to snarl with jealousy as I think of my White Fucker, aka The Worthless Piece of Shit, my Hyundai Sonata that’s cost me $1400 this month.  RIGHT AFTER I PAID IT OFF!!!  Grrrr....

Yeah, you enjoy that new car.  Bitch.  I hate you.

I think I’ll go for tame ones:

Betty Blue [the opening scene, anyone?]

Betty Boo [does anyone remember this half-Scot/half-Malaysian Brit?]

The Tick [the Mighty Blue Warrior!!]

The Blue Raja ["The Blue Raja is my name. I am pilfering your silverware because ...  I hurl it."]

Aquabat [Err ... I just like the sound of it.]

I think someone mentioned this one, but Blue Job. 

Rinda

The Tick [the Mighty Blue Warrior!!]

Yes, yes, The Tick, The Tick!!!!

Fab car. OK. HHope this isn’t too rude, but I love the sound of…

The Muff Mobile

or

The Cool, Blue, Muff Mobile

I do remember Betty Boo, sadly enough. I think I was in high school.

Bloo-boop-a-doop

Ass Muncher.

Just look at that face. An ass muncher if ever I saw one.

X

Ballsy Beetle
Bawdy Beetle
Dicktickler
Candy’s Cargasm
The Slut Sleigh
Four-wheeled fucker

By the way...nice wheels.
Grins*

My vote is muffmobile. Hubby says’Jezebel’.

Okay, I’ll give it a try although creativity is not one of my strong suits.

Blue-hama Mama

The Blue Plate Special (I told you I wasn’t creative)

All the nut comments had me looking at the car for some inspiration and now, Candy’s car will forever be (for me) Peanut.  *in a baby voice* ‘who’s the cutie-wootie little dream wagon - oh, you are, yes you are my teeny weeny peanut’

Hey, you play with nuts you’re gonna get uh, burned?

CindyS

My ideas, in no particular order:

Blue Nakahoto
Sapphira Bluesteskaya
Bubblicious
Blisstuous Madam Blue
Bitchin’ Blue the Pimpettemobile
Ima Bluestocking
Christmas in July

Lots ‘o love for the car.
I love calling it The Tick....

Ooh. I like the ‘Slut Sleigh’.

My little car used to be The Mighty Saxo when my brother has it but now renamed ‘Baby Car’ whilst he is in Iraq. He’s gonna go nuts when he comes back to find it crammed with pink accesories and a fetching pair of white fluffy dice. Am looking forward to his expression.

How about Candy’s Cheery Chariot? Slightly lame I fear.

I can’t believe I’m going to type this, but this IS Candy and Sarah’s blog....

Candy’s Cuntalicious Cruiser

X

Damn! Bitchmobile and The Tick are taken!

Hmm…

Blue Bitch (from Kristie, lol)
Blue Ruin
The Hatchback of Notre Dame
Cobalt Coke Can
(The) Cobalt Comet
Le Gasbag

Hey...do we get multiple entries?

A few more:

Candyman [say it five times]
The Virgin Cowboy
Armadillo

I saw one of these on the road today, in exactly this color—it was actually quite nice looking, even more streamlined than it looks in the pictures! 

I’m basically very old-fashioned when it comes to car names, so I favor “Big Blue” or BB or BB King for short.  Not exciting, ‘tis true, but I’m one of those freaks who worries about insulting my car with a skanky nom de voiture.