Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

I think he is generally pretty absent. Dependable isn’t exactly flashy. Plus, being that guy means having your head screwed on straight (more or less), and romancelandia isn’t overpopulated with men who’ve got their shit together (except for best friends and side-kicks that the heroine never considers).

The dependable, totally non-flashy guy is what makes Cotillion by Georgette Heyer so great. It’s not the rake, but the purse-holder who gets the girl, and she’s smart enough to realize that he’s the better choice for her.

Wish I could think of a better name for the hero. Maybe omega? Since he’s the guy you’ll wish you ended up with?

I would have to go with Freddie of Heyer’s COTILLION as well. Sarah Rees Brennan has a categorization for this type of hero: The Sandwich. I think Sandwiches turn up in fiction all the time, but they’re not as beloved as the Muffins. (The brooding, preternaturally gorgeous, angsty alpha hero.)

My favourite 99% hero is Gilbert Blythe from ANNE OF GREEN GABLES. Scratch that, he’s my favourite romantic lead of all time. But I’ve never been drawn to the hyper-masculine alpha, either in fiction or in real life, so I tend to gravitate toward books with the “99% hero”, who turns up with some regularity in other genres, like YA with romantic storylines. Peeta from THE HUNGER GAMES is my most recent favourite, and so is Sam from SHIVER.

Re Pepsi, apparently:

The US drinks giant responded with a tweet apologising for any offence caused. “Our app tried 2 show the humorous lengths guys go 2 pick up women,” Pepsi said. “We apologise if it’s in bad taste & appreciate your feedback.”

So if they’re only apologising “if it’s in bad taste” does that mean that

(a) they’re not sure if it’s in bad taste and
(b) this is therefore not really an apology at all?

I see the heroes who hold the purses in the waiting room when I go for my annual mammogram.  I’m there by myself, because for me it’s just a routine precautionary procedure.  They’re there because they’re princes, and I’ll never look at them the same way again.

Thanks for sharing this.

I’m not sure that’s not just the minimum requirement in a life partner, rather than an act of heroism.

Don’t get me wrong, I think I know what you’re going for. I definitely prefer a person who sticks by in hard times to one who doesn’t, and I do prefer loyalty and love to flexing muscles (boy, do I!), but it’s not ordinary behaviour, only to be expected, for a person to abandon a sick partner.

We shouldn’t be expecting that to the point if being that impressed by the absence of such piggery.

I don’t know that the quiet strength of the 99% hero lends itself to the action-sex-action-sex-serial killer-demon-vampire-sex-sex-action-sex-whoopie! pace of a lot of books in the romance genre. It takes too long to peel back the layers of a hero like that, and wordcounts are only going down, not up.

My favorite 99% hero is not really a romance hero:

Constantine from Robin Mckinley’s “Sunshine.”  He’s an unattractive (with skin the color of “mushrooms that’ve been screwed up in a bag in the back of the fridge for a long time”), scary vampire in a world where vampires are actually predators and not in a good way.  Their behavior in a lot of ways mirrors the instinct of wild animals.  Throw in a bit of sociopathy and you’ve got’em.  Not very alpha, or beta for that matter.

Yet Constantine is compellingly fair.  He requires Sunshine (the heroine) to be a partner to him, as they escape from certain kidnapping and death, as they—two natural born enemies—make plans to secure their lives.  I’m not talking about a hero who is appreciative of the heroine’s kick-assitude and her hot bod.  I mean a lion who must partner with an impala in order to keep something much worse from destroying them both.  The instinct and fear that gives them agency to flee and fight, apart and together, is so practical it’s refreshing.  I think what makes their relationship so convincing is that it is based on very clearly drawn lines of respect.

I don’t think that it’s not that the heroes in romance novels are purse-holders; I think it’s more that the authors don’t show them in that capacity. I can think of lots of alphas and XXXL heroes who would probably demonstrate this kind of attentiveness and sensitivity without feeling their masculinity is threatened. But if the author doesn’t show it to us, it’s hard to have that “awww” moment.

In response to the Bro Culture, maybe the best way to fix it would be to fix the women who allow it to go on: the ones who have no self-respect who hook up with these guys and consider themselves lucky to rub genitalia for a few hours with a total loser; the ones who wear the Playboy insignia and purposely dress like $3 hookers; the female chauvinists, in other words. If we could fix their self-esteem, the Bros would have no one to prey on.

@Jody W—you’re right, it took a fair number of words to untangle the different strands and partners in Cotillion.
@Hyel—my dh would agree with you—isn’t it to be expected? Isn’t it the exception that spouses leave in bad times? At least I still hope so!
@JJ (thanks, I think, for the Brennan/sandwich link)—a sandwich? Somehow that doesn’t resonate for me ... I’ll have to chew on it a bit more :)
@Polly—as someone who has always adored Freddy (and his counterpart Gil, in Friday’s Child), I think it’s time to give him the Beta Emiritus/99%/Sandwich award—describing him as “dependable and totally non-flashy” just doesn’t, imo, do him justice. Agreed, he’s not the rake that cuz Jack was but his skill-set was considerable [thought of another one, the cousin of the earl in April Lady] ... being the oldest son of his witty and terribly intelligent father couldn’t have been easy but Freddy was totally comfortable in his own skin. No one and no situation phased him—he was practical and intensely and sensibly protective of those he loved. [one more: Lord Charlbuy of The Grand Sophy.]

And it was not just Kitty that he thought of—he was the behind-the-scenes fixer for his younger brother, his older sister and on and on. And he did it with such elegance and a blessed lack of drama. Altho he did have a sense of humour ... and lastly, he could and did draw on reserves of aristocratic hauteur when it was called for.

I think there are more 99% heroes in romance than it appears. The way I interpret these kinds of heroes are the ones who don’t come on so hard, or as I like to think, the old strong, silent type. The hero in the book I’m reading now is a tough big-city cop but he’s treated the heroine with courtesy and respect, and shown great sensitivity to a couple whose child has been kidnapped. It’s the qualities of intelligence and sensitivity that make the hero attractive and are making me seriously love this book.

To me, a 99% hero is one who doesn’t need to be a loud-mouthed or heavy-breathing Alpha but instead a man who’s strong and steady, but not insensitive or mean.

And finally, when my mother was first diagnosed with breast cancer one fear she voiced to me was that my father might leave her. He didn’t. He was right with her through the end, and yes, he was a purse-holder more than once for her.

I agree we should be able to expect it from our RL heroes (I know mine wouldn’t leave me to do something like that alone), but I also agree that it’s a rare Romance Hero that is portrayed ONLY as The Sandwich (I love that). 

But there are plenty of sandwich moments out there:
Connie Brockway’s historicals are full of them—in particular, I think of A Dangerous Man when it comes out Mercy and Hart had been together. ...Or in As You Desire when Harry rides in to save Desi on his mare.  (...I LOVE her old historicals.)
Also, For My Lady’s Heart when Ruck jumps into the water to save Melanthe’s peregrine…and their dinner.
There’s others, too, but I can’t remember them…my point is, though, that the vast majority of heros in Romance aren’t ONLY The Sandwich, but ALL The Muffins aspire to be The Sandwich with their heroine.

On another forum, one guy was willing to download the Pepsi thing to his iPhone and document it for the rest of us. There’s definitely a strong vibe of “anybody who takes this seriously deserves to have their phone shoved up a bodily orifice sideways”—the pickup lines are completely ridiculous—but it seems to be the kind of lame joke that’s just the last in a long series of straws as far as a lot of people are concerned.

Wish I could think of a better name for the hero. Maybe omega? Since he’s the guy you’ll wish you ended up with?

I cast my vote with Polly’s for the name ‘Omega Hero’—the man who’ll stand beside you till the end.

My father’s one, I married one, and they’re the only kind of heroes I can seem to write :-)

I’m not sure that’s not just the minimum requirement in a life partner, rather than an act of heroism.

I don’t know that it’s necessarily the minimum requirement for a life partner, but it’s definitely the definition of a GOOD life partner.  I was thinking that this is clearly the “good husband” archetype.  For example, my husband who is a good man, is really horrible when I’m sick—suddenly I’m super fragile and he switches between *freaking out* that I’m sick and being superover protective.  (I am vaguly worried that if/when I get some kind of serious/chronic something or other, that he’s going to go off the deep end.)  Drives me nuts, but I think he meets the *minimum* requirements.  Maybe he’s more of a bumbling romantic?  But he is *there* for me, if not always in the most helpful way.  And I think that the key to the 99% hero is knowing what the other partner needs without excessive direction, which comes from being with that person for a long time. ...anyway…

This is a far more *real* type of hero, the kind of guy you’re more likely to meet to in real life, but the quietness of their awesome is so difficult to portray in world where it is by necessity full of tension that I imagine that louder types are easier to write.

Colonel Brandon in Sense and Sensibility was definitely that guy. I’ve read a couple of other books, that I can’t for the life of me remember right now, where the quietly dependable guy got the girl.

Hyel ... Some men aren’t good at being there in the tough times and sometimes you don’t know it until you’re there and suddenly he’s not. There might be small signs here and there that you miss because they’re small things and he’s a great guy in general. There just comes a point where this guy either just can’t deal with what’s happening anymore or is too afraid of something to be there. They might literally take off or they might let you down emotionally. My father was one of these guys. Everyone said how great he was, great dad, great husband, great friend. Then my sister was born, money got tight, he had to pick up odd gigs to supplement income and he wasn’t happy about it, which caused friction between he and my mom. Then one day he was just gone. He came back a year later full of contrition, but my mom wasn’t willing to have him back knowing that she couldn’t count on him. Haven’t seen the man since.

The first character that popped into my head while reading this was Ethan from Nora Robert’s Quinn Brothers trilogy (Rising Tides, specifically)—still my favorite of her heroes, although I have a couple of others who come close, :)

I just read Mindy Klasky’s How Not to Make a Wish, and the hero is 100% an Omega Hero, and he is great.  Really fun book, in which Kira, a theater manager in a dinner theater, finds a genie lamp in the costumes, and none of her wishes have quite the effect she had in mind.

@Stacey P, deep down, don’t you think all of Nora’s heroes have an Omega streak a mile wide in them? Think of how motherly Roarke can be? Declan Fitzgerald actually “becoming” the haunted, murdered, pregnant wife in his story ... or Brad, in Key of Valor, taking off his Armani jacket to give Zoe’s son a bath. Very few of her heroes don’t show that dependable, kind, thoughtful trait ... at least eventually!

p.s. That was (above) and sorry for all my misspellings, Lord Charlbury. And how does the word “mensch” fit into this discussion? Is that word OK to use? Is it complimentary? Just wondering!

That app makes my optimism hurt, so II’m fighting it with an excellent quote from Kate Harding (over at Shapely Prose):

“If women’s worth is only in f**kability, then men are just dumb f**kers. We think better of men. Do you?”

Are Suzanne Brockmann’s heroes like Max Bhagat and Tom Paoletti disqualified because in addition to being intensely loyal and devoted, they also spend time saving the day?

And I think a lot of Nora’s heroes might be considered Omegas—she writes that kind of man so compellingly, I wonder if it’s part of what makes her able to connect with so many readers.

@JanetW: Absolutely. I love Cotillion. I love Freddy. Of course “dependable and non-flashy” doesn’t do him justice, but it’s his “type” in less than five words. He’s not the wittiest guy in the room, but he’s there, he sensible where it counts, and he’s got quiet (and well-hidden) unsuspected depths. Flashy he ain’t. Like Gil in Friday’s Child (who I always kind of wished had ended up with Hero, without loving Sherry’s transformation any the less—can we have two Heros maybe?)

That’s the difficulty with these guys; they don’t sparkle, even if they are the staff of life. I would love to see more romances with that guy as the hero, but I wonder if they’d have to of necessity be somewhat quieter romances. That guy, after all, is hardly playing pirate, being a ruthless spy, or leading a pack of werewolves.

This gal’s husband is that hero. He married a beauty pageant winner, model, actress. Three years later, when she was twenty six and they had a six month old baby boy, she suffered a horrific stroke that should have killed her. Half her face is paralyzed, she’s still in a wheelchair, she was on a feeding tube for eight months or better, talking is a challenge for her. But her intellect is fine. He is her primary caregiver, her cheerleader, her baby’s daddy, everything she needs.

Here is what her mother has to say about him:

http://katherineawolf.blogspot.com/2008/11/jesus-and-bridget-jones.html

It’s a long post but be sure to read through to the end.

Maybe Omega Heroes are what romance heroes become after the last page. Think of your favorite romances: can you really imagine the hero abandoning the heroine had she needed a traumatic health procedure? Any hero worth his salt would not. He’d be there for his wife, his kids, his community. Perhaps if you can’t imagine that for a hero, then the author hasn’t done a good enough job of establishing a happy ending, in that we can’t trust his long-term worth as a dependable partner. Hints of that in among the danger and intrigue are what make us believers.

Madd mentioned Col. Brandon, who is a great example of an Omega, but could Austen have sustained the narrative tension in S&S with just the story of his love for Marianne? Probably not. He’s very direct in his love, his goodness, and his intentions. We as readers and authors need Willoughby in order to have a meaty story!

I don’t find many Omegas in reading, but I certainly love being married to one. He’s taking our daughters to a reading party tonight at their school. Makes me melt.

On the other hand, y’all are right about Roarke being kinda maternal. So maybe the guy can be a tycoon (or a pirate, spy, or werewolf alpha).

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/katherinewolf

And this is what Katherine wrote about her hero yesterday.

Okay, one I just have to toss in, even though I know I push this series a lot—Er Thom from Sharon Lee and Steve Miller’s LOCAL CUSTOM, whom my daughter & I recently agreed is the Hero We Would Most Like To Know In Real Life.

In romance, we read about the dashing, masterful hero, but think about it in real life - how many of those make good husbands?
But there is that difference between fantasy and reality. Reality doesn’t always make good fiction. Horrible nest of worms to delve into, but you know what I mean, I’m sure.
I keep saying I write omega heroes, because they are unclassifiable, I hope. I do love real strong men, who don’t feel the need to prove their strength by dominating everyone around them and kicking the ass of all the other pack leaders. My heroes are the ones that avoid the violence (not just the ones I write about, either - I married into an army family, my father was in Bomber Command in WWII, my fil was in Africa, Korea and helped to liberate a concentration camp, my bil’s were navy men and none of these real heroes felt the need to prove it all the time).
Tom Paoletti, yes, definitely. A source of quiet strength and more like the real life military hero.
And a little tribute to my real life hero who spends his days teaching PMLD blind kids. He makes their lives better and I’m so proud of him.

The 99% hero is one of the reasons I still love Nora Roberts’ books.  Readers complain that her stories are repetitive or formulaic.  If they are, I don’t care.  I read her stories because Roberts’ heroes are the type of guy I want to read about…the type of guy I want to know in real life.  Dependable, sexy, funny, friendly, decent, mature, competent—they’re totally the “purse holder” type.

There are so many great points here and I’m glad to see this kind of hero is getting more attention. We can call him whatever you want, but I’ve thought for a long time that a true “Alpha” hero is a man who doesn’t boast or maltreat anyone. No matter how he’s physically built, he’s just basically confident and not easily intimidated by anything—whether it be fighting off an evil demon or holding your purse.

He’s not outsized and XXXL (as Jane wrote recently), superpowered and megaendowed financially or physically.

Several of us, married in the 30+ years category, had this same conversation a few years ago. We realized that physical attributes may have been the preliminary and earliest spark, but that the important and enduring things were dependability, trust and respect.

I also think that a man who has the respect of his peers and colleagues is hugely attractive. Not the knuckle-dragging, caveman kind of respect, rather the respect that comes from knowing that his word is his bond and he’ll always do the right thing.

(Maybe this will take care of the italics.)

I think I agree that many of the Romance heroes would be Omegas after the last page.  What good is a Happy Ever After if he bails at the first sign of illness or hard times? 

Most of my life, I was the stupid woman who fell passionately for anyone I couldn’t really have.  We’re all shaped somewhat by our childhoods and mine was damned screwed up and I was a champ at sabotaging myself, finding people to treat me badly, and intensely loving men that were always just out-of-reach, emotionally.  Until now.  I married the Omega guy who I’ve known since I was 15.  The guy who I never would have appreciated in my 20s or even my early 30s.  The guy who has always been there for me with no expectations beyond just wanting to be the best friend that he could be.  The guy who, when my ex was out of work and drinking up whatever extra money we had (and some we didn’t have) and I needed surgery that I couldn’t afford, handed me a damned envelope with the co-pay in it and wouldn’t take “No” for an answer.  Who, in fact, told me that his world would be so much sadder, darker, and smaller if I wasn’t in it, so please please take the money and get the surgery and get better.  There are numerous reasons why the ex is an ex, but it’s not one of them is my Omega—and I had to really think about whether or not I was willing to take the chance of messing up our 20-something year friendship by dating him once I was divorced.  I’m so very glad I did take that chance.

Sarah, to me this type of hero is a Gamma hero. The kind that in real life we fall in love with and marry and whom I find truly romantic on a daily basis.

(Maybe this will take care of the italics.)

My bad! Sorry about that. Thanks for fixing it.

I can’t think of an Omega hero in a book

@Lynn M:
A couple of my favourites are the guy who gets the girl in Mary Stewart’s Touch Not the Cat (I can’t be more specific without ruining the plot), Major Lev Orlov in Dinah Dean’s The Road to Kaluga, and Jake Waring in Lucilla Andrews’ The First Year. You’ll have to hunt a bit for those last two, but they’re definitely worth the effort. Great, memorable Omega men. And in film, apart from Alan Rickman’s Colonel Brandon, you couldn’t do much better than Peter Riegert’s pickle man, Sam Posner, in Crossing Delancey.

Three years ago, I went through a very rough time—anxiety/panic attacks, depression, and all the fun physical symptoms that tend to accompany them. My husband wasn’t even my husband then, we’d only been together for a few months. But he visited regularly (and this was while he was living eight hours and three states away), called every night to talk to me until I was calm enough to sleep, sent cards and gifts and little pick-me-ups, and reassured me that I was not going crazy and I was going to get better.

Now, two years married, I assure him every time he looks askance at the chiseled hero on the cover of whatever I’m reading that I’d pick him over anyone. All the guns and leather in the world do not trump a hot cup of tea and a listening ear when I get home from a late shift. Omegas rule!

Password—looking24. Already found him, thanks.

This article reminded me of my bff reason she finds her dh so sexy.

“It’s not that he is good looking, or that he always makes the right decisions. It is when the sink is backed up, or the air conditioner dies, or the car won’t start, he fixes it. After two husbands who acted like children who wanted mommy to fix it, it is so nice to have a man who goes, ‘Oh don’t worry hon, I will have this working in a second.’ And then I look at him, getting hot, and tired making our life better, all I can think is Wow, my man is Sexy.”

She says she had to grow into seeing that self confidence is not about what a man says, or how he seems to be, but about his actions. And what he puts importance on in his life.

As far a novel heroes that make that grade? Dave from the Troubleshooters series by Brockmann falls into that niche quite well.

The author who first comes to mind for me is Nora Roberts. The “tough enough to be tender” thing seems to be a real theme for her, and it’s part of why I really love her heroes.

I just re-watched “Wives and Daughters” based on the novel by Elizabeth Gaskell. (She also wrote “North and South.”) Maybe it was closer to the values of the period in which she wrote, but the strong, dependable guy beats out the flashy guy to win the girl in both of those stories.

I also see your Col. Brandon and Edward Ferrars and raise you Capt. Wentworth, Edmund Bertram, and George Knightley. Even Bingley is pretty much an amiable Omega hero. With the exception of Darcy, are all Austen’s heroes celebrated for their dependability? Maybe even Darcy, in the end, only becomes acceptable because his servants love him and he comes to the rescue of Lydia as he once did his own sister. He has to show his softer side before we truly love him.

Oh. Oh, Dad got a kick out of this when I told him. He’s DEFINITELY a purse-holder. I see it in him every day: he’s fantastic.

I don’t think that alphas should be excluded from the purse-holder gallery. Off the top of my head, Kresley Cole’s alphas, particularly Lachlain and Bowen MacRieve both do things I think of as akin to purse-holding. Bowen, especially, in Dark Deeds at Nights Edge (Conrad’s book) takes care of Mari in that way.

I think a number of Nora Roberts’ heroes may fit the Omega profile - I’m thinking of Ford in Tribute, for example.

In any case, it’s thought provoking.

Robert Heinlein didn’t write romance novels, but most of the heroes of his stories are pretty much this type. Once they have made a commitment they stick to it, and unless they are released from the deal by the other partner (or that other partner very thoroughly breaks that deal) whether that other partner be a wife, bride, business partner or country, they will stay until the end. Probably the main reason why I fell in love with his books.

Thank you for this post. I agree the man is a Hero.

He fights a battles every day. The battle to keep going and many others.

It is not for the faint of heart to watch your beloved go through Chemo and/or Radiation therapy. He is there…fighting everything and everyone to keep his love here. He is her shield when visitors stay too long and she is tired. He is her sword when those few people come with hurtful words. He is her eyes when she is so tired she cannot read another form. He is her ears when she cannot bare to hear. He is her memory when she forgets due to treatment and stress. He is her tireless companion who listens to the same words over again because her mind cannot move forward right now. He is her armor to keep the pain at bay.

To me he is 100% Hero. And how would one write about such a hero?...I just did.

Again thank you great post.

Debra

my omega would be Jamie from Outlander….he has this ” quiet strong ” about him…not to mention what he did to save claire…(sigh)

Sarah,
First, thanks for featuring my blog on your site. Talk about a cool thing to discover half way through redeployment paperwork.
So I’m thinking that calling this type of hero a swashbuckling pussy pirate (the alpha stereotype gone terribly wrong) is probably not the name you’re looking for. The men who act like juvenile’s and play those stupid treat a woman like crap games are just that: children. I worry about pop culture as a mother of two daughters and I’m grateful that my girls have their daddy to look up and crush any boy who gets out of line.
But to name this kind of man? The man who sits and holds the purse, who’s there when it really counts? All those -able words: reliable, dependable don’t really get to the heart of it. When Nora Roberts says the sexiest thing her man does is take out the trash, she’s right.
The 4th Infantry Division’s motto is Steadfast and Loyal. It’s not one of the ‘famous’ divisions like the 82nd or the 1st Cav but it’s always there, ready to go when the nation calls. Steadfast and Loyal. Kind of like the man you describe and we all hope to find. The Steadfast Hero is not a dominant name like alpha or anything but the name speaks to the character of the man.

@megalith: Capt. Wentworth? Edmund Bertram? Totally not Omegas. Anne’s the purseholder in Persuasion. Wentworth was sent away, yes, but then he DIDN’T COME BACK. If handy-dandy fate hadn’t lent a hand, he would have gone on thinking Anne was faded and past. And Edmund totally got his head turned by Mary Crawford. If he was really a stick to his guns guy, he would have stuck by Mary when she revealed her not so upright morals.

I actually really like Wentworth, but for me, part of what makes Persuasion so wonderful is seeing how he grows, even though he doesn’t really think he’s changing. Edmund, on the other hand, is an ass (can you tell I’m not a fan?—in my version, Fanny ends up with Henry, who was inconstant, but there for her when she needed a friend in Portsmouth).

OK, we’ve got Omega, 99%, Gamma, Tough and Tender (T&T?), purse-holder, and steadfast hero names.  May I add Everyday hero?

I agree Roberts write great (insert term here) heroes.  The one from Tribute is one of my favorites.  And Vision in White.

My Dad was an Everyday.  Purse-holder, Intellectual-style Tough and Tender.  Not an Alpha bone in his body. 

I must add, though, that when the purse-holding, hospital-waiting mode was a remote possibility, he always carried a Western in his pocket to while the time - and calm himself with words.

series36:  Dad could read 36 books in a Western series in no time flat

Another observation:  Ever been on a dating site?  Every man there tries to make himself out as an Alpha!  Hiking, working out, working on cars, camping.

Alphas are fun to read about.  But really, who’s gonna tell these poor men that the Gamma/purse-holder/everyday guy is very attractive too?

Spamword: man38

I’m not kidding, that was the word.  ‘nuff said

Yep—I can remember telling my girl friends in College, “Who cares if he’s got a great arse?  You want a man who’ll get up with you in the night when the kids are sick.”

I was already deeply in love with my husband, but fell harder and more permanently that way the night after our son (firstborn child) was born.  Little guy woke and started crying and I just tucked him, turned him, and patted his bottom and voila! back to sleep.  Jeremy looked at me with his jaw on his chest and whispered, “You’re amazing.  That was magic.”

Swoon.

And he’s the first one up out of bed when the kids need something.  And he loves that I’m a good mom.  And he’s tender and sweet with all of us.

God—I’m turned on.  Maybe I can get him to come home from work early today…

One of my favorite romance “everyday heroes” is Will Parker from LaVyrle Spencer’s Morning Glory.  Shows up at a dirt poor farm and starts working to make the place better for a pregnant widow and her children.  Quiet, capable, does the job that needs to be done. All he wants in return is a little softness and tenderness, a place to call home.

I love that book.

I second all the votes for Spencer & Roberts. Also, I am married to this dude. He’s not verbally demonstrative, he’s not showy, but he puts his family above anything (and I don’t mean his mother) and spent 2 years effectively functioning as a single parent while I did cancer treatment. Any concern I had about anything he swept away with “You let me handle / worry about that. You just work on getting well.” The purse holders are rare, and I am grateful I had the good sense to snag mine.

I think part of why you may not find them too often is because too often that’s who we have in our lives.

I sort of agree with this, except that I don’t think we can have them “too often”!  Every woman or gay man should be lucky enough to have one. Also I really enjoy reading about this type of hero, despite being married to one.  But I do also enjoy going in completely different directions and reading about men I would never be (or want to be) involved with in real life

an49 - an he will still love me when I’m 49

I think that there’s some truth to the idea that sticking around when you’re sick is part of the basic requirement for a hero, but there are other ways Omega qualities can show through. Last night I was channel surfing and happened across a reality show that included a good example.

The show is about people who train girls to be in beauty pageants. One of the clients was a 12 year old girl who has her heart set on being Miss America. To get there she has to enter a lot of smaller pageants & work her way up. Her mom has been helping her with them and is a world class “pageant mom”. Everything was going great until mom, who is in the Army, found out she was being deployed to Iraq for a year.

Among other things that meant that the daughter would have to stop doing pageants for that year because at 12-13 she’s too young to manage on her own. She needs to be driven to & from the pageants, but she also needs help with her hair and costumes and everything. “Pageant Mom” is a big job. The pageant trainer was really concerned that if she missed whole year of experience it would basically kill her chances of being Miss America (pageants are a tough gig) so he suggested that maybe her dad could step in.

The dad is also in the military, has zero interest in pageants and no clue how to sew or do hair. More than that, he was already facing the prospect of having to cover all the standard parenting duties for the girl & her brother for a year as a single parent and he was concerned about that. He felt like the nurturing stuff wasn’t really his strong suit & worried that he wouldn’t be able to do it all. I don’t think anyone could really have faulted him if he felt like that was all he could manage. In spite of that he said he would do the pageant stuff.

He wanted his daughter to be happy, especially during a stressful time worrying about and missing her mom. He also knew that his daughter’s happiness was important to his wife and that she would be more at ease while she was deployed if she knew that her kid’s dreams weren’t being ruined because of her job.

So, there he was—this big, buff guy learning to fluff crinoline and sew broken zippers. What made it even more touching for me was that he was not the kids’ biological dad, he was their step-dad. And yet, he referred to them as “my daughter” and “my son” and he was willing to go the extra mile or 10, to take care of them. All I could think was “Damn, that’s a good man.”

The Boyfriend School by Sarah Bird

It was made into a smarmy movie with Shelly Long, but a funny book. It explores the difference between what the heroine says she wants, what she wants, and what she actually likes. It has been years, but I think the heroine is trying to write a romance, initially with the idea “anyone can write this”, and learning that there is more to it. The hero uses her book as a guide to be her perfect hero (he is actually recovering from cancer/chemo when they first meet and doesn’t impress her).

It is not a great book, but it was pleasant and it does really work for this subject. I usually don’t like a hero to lie to the heroine about his identity, but this one takes the idea and makes it work. (I am a sucker for books about authors though, which is good, because authors like to write about authors.)

I actually married an Unsung Hero, but didn’t realize it until my battle with breast cancer two years ago. 

I was 29 when I was diagnosed, and my husband and I have hadn’t even been married for a year yet.  Being five years younger than me, I wasn’t sure how he would take this kind of news.  I shouldn’t have wondered.  He attended every treatment and every surgery and held my hand all the way through.  It was never a question of whether or not he would be there.  He would be there no matter what.  He even shaved his head for me that summer.

I’m a two-year survivor now, and I think our marriage is very strong because he’s an Unsung Hero.

What’s ironic is that while the “bro’s” are over there sniggling at the Pepsi thing and punching one another in the arm, what they really want to know about how to get a woman is all written right here.  *smile*

Have to say I find the Omega hero more in Women’s Fiction than in romance. Not saying he doesn’t exist in a straight romance, but WF is from the heroine’s POV. It’s her journey. The genre lends itself to the purse holder because he’s not necessarily getting a character arc. It’s hard to be the stable one when you don’t have your own foundation, which is why I love the both genres. Romance is more about how two people can conquer whatever together and most times it’s why they are able to conquer The Big Bad Conflict, because of love.

*shrug* My theory anyway.

Nice link, Laurel, but the god stuff lost me at the end.

I think you guys miss the point of the original article, in a way. It seemed to me that she wasn’t talking about guys who always doted on their wives at all, but rather men who were “men’s men” acting out of perceived character when the going got rough.

It seems to me that these princes of the purse are actually your “average” alpha hero, albeit much after the book has ended.

After all, the novelty of a wizened old blue-collar grampy clutching a purse is what made the gesture notable in the first place.

caligi:

Jay is a preacher’s kid. The God stuff is genetic;)

Seriously, though, for all of them faith has been a huge coping mechanism during the entire ordeal. Whatever works is fine with me. All I know is when everybody, including Jay, had the throw ups, he got up with Katherine at three am to help her wash vomit out of her hair. He put off taking the California Bar Exam to take care of his wife. He is totally the Omega described here.

Personally, I can’t go with ‘omega’ because ‘alpha’ and ‘beta’ are already used in analogy with wolf pack type roles—and an omega wolf is the lowest-ranking outcast wolf who lives on the fringes of a pack, often picked on by the others as a sort of ‘game’ and used as a scapegoat.  That might be a very interesting romantic hero, actually, but it’s not the guy you’re talking about, and every time I read ‘omega’ here I get mental whiplash.  Even though the guy-you-want-to-end-up-with idea is clever.

Jay is a preacher’s kid. The God stuff is genetic;)

Well, not exactly. We PKs have the rep of ending up either very into the God stuff or total heathens. IME that rep is well-earned. FWIW in my family it turned out 2-1, with me being the 1 heathen.

Well, Polly, we’ll have to agree to disagree. Wentworth proposes to Anne, but she is persuaded by her godmother that Wentworth isn’t good enough for her. After she refuses him, he does what naval men do: he goes to sea to make his fortune. Once he has made a big success of himself and is able to retire, obviously pride won’t allow him to admit he’s still in love with Anne. Which is why he tests her and makes her prove she is steadfast this time around, just as she tests him to make sure he’ll fight for her love this time around.

“Mansfield Park” is not really one of my favorites, so I’ve only read it once or twice. I’m not a big fan of Fanny Price, for one thing. But I do think that Edmund shows sense by seeing through Mary’s wiles, eventually. I admit part of me thinks he fits the mold simply because he ends up with a heroine only a mother hen could love. If you don’t like this storyline, I’m afraid you wouldn’t like Gaskell’s “Wives and Daughters” much either. Although, I find Molly much more lovable than Fanny.

Mel (Sunshine’s human boyfriend) as opposed to Constantine (vampire hero) struck me more as this type.

I never really got on board with a Sunshine/Con romance.  Mel was super cool though.  Very laid back, and always there for her.

Another great omega story:

My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. On the day of my grandfather’s funeral there was a terrible snow storm and 100 miles of mountain highway was closed (I70 from Vail to Denver for those of you who are familiar). Closing that much of the highway almost never happens, but it was a big storm. My boyfriend found a back way and made it in time to attend the funeral with me. It took him many hours of driving, but it meant everything to me.

I suspect trying to label a particular ‘type’ of man is getting us confused. IMHO, it’s not so much a ‘type’ of man, but what we understand true courage and heroism to be - and also how we define love.

Our culture has a huge respect for the notion of physical courage - particularly physical courage in the face of danger. But let’s be honest - for the huge, strong, alpha-leader of the pack, it’s relatively ‘easy’ to face physical danger - especially when there’s a rush of adrenaline as well to deafen the ‘OMG WTF Am I gonna get hurt?’ voice of fear. And even that’s absent when he’s pretty certain that he’s tough and strong enough to defeat almost everyone. This is why many of the paranormal romances just don’t do it for me; they’re reliant on the notion of physical strength as heroism.

However, there are other types of courage, and many other ways in which heroes - male and female - demonstrate courage and heroism. And often those less obvious things demonstrate far more strength of character than the fights do. Now, I’m not denigrating physical courage here - it’s wonderful and admirable, and deserving of respect - but I’m arguing that there’s a hell of a lot more types of courage and heroism than a strong man facing down an enemy.

The man holding the purse is demonstrating emotional courage: the strength to face the unknown, and to keep facing it through months and years, steadfast, doing what needs to be done with humanity and love even if it’s stuff he does not know how to do - physically or emotionally.

Love needs emotional courage even more than it needs physical courage. There’s the courage to put one’s own needs aside and to consider another’s - and the courage to also ensure our own needs aren’t ignored. There’s emotional intimacy - being vulnerable, letting others know our deep selves; and having the emotional strength to recognise and accept the deep self of our partners, and love them, flaws and all.

All types of men - and women - can demonstrate that emotional courage. But without it, there’s no convincing HEA. At least, not for this reader :-)

Haven’t read all the comments, but this is an interesting subject.  Two things occur to me:  (1) the ‘99% hero’ is basically a mature human being:  that practicality, reliability and competence is simply a part of being really grown-up and responsible. 

(2)  I am not convinced that this quality, and many of the leadership qualities of the more obvious ‘alpha’ hero (and that is a much-misused term) are mutually exclusive at all.  They can co-exist in the same person.

I agree that Freddy in Cotillion is a fine example of (initially unexpected) competence and reliability.  Heyer also plays with the idea in The Grand Sophy —the man who matters may not write poems to one’s sparkling eyes, but he can procure a carriage when it is raining.  But many of her heroes, to my mind, are both   conventionally attractive and practical and reliable, e.g. Miles in Black Sheep.

A more recent example of the ‘unexpectedly reliable’ hero is Rupert in Loretta Chase’s Mr. Impossible:  he doesn’t seem like much of a hero at the start, but like Freddy, he gains in stature, and he is ultimately the one to whom people instinctively turn for help and advice.

I’m married to my “omega” hero.  He’s the type of guy who might be considered old-fashioned. I’ve seen him sprint across a store to open the door for a young mother struggling with a stroller. He routinely gives up his seat on a crowded bus to an elderly lady (or gentleman). He’s the type of guy who gets up an hour early so he can snowblow the drive for our elderly neighbor. And I’m sure, if I ever had to go through treatment, that he’d have no problem holding my purse for me.

I’d have to say that Nora Roberts is the QUEEN of Omega heroes. Especially her older Silhouette titles.

Miles in Black Sheep is conventionally attractive? According to my perhaps faulty memory, wasn’t he swarthy, always slightly underdressed and really not a pattern card of attractiveness? Not like his horrid nevvy! It was his wit, his frequently outrageous conversation and just allowing the marvelous heroine to laugh with him that made him so wonderful. Oh that and the Banbury Tales about India he shared with her credulous older sister.

Maybe you’re thinking of the hero of Venetia? I always picture him as over the top handsome in a rake*ish way :)

I must say I prefer the Unsung Hero title to Omega, which somehow, to my rat-race-infused mind, seems somehow ‘lesser’. I’m pretty lucky to be married to one, and wouldn’t exchange him for an Alpha type!

Thought-provoking post and comments. Just realised that I’m writing an Alpha male right now when I’d really rather make him an Unsung Hero. Perhaps that’s why I’m struggling with his characterization…

I knew that I’d found my real life romance hero when he walked into my dying mother’s bedroom, leaned over, and said, “Don’t worry about your daughter. I’m here, and I’m going to take care of her.” Priceless, particularly to the mother of an only child. Then he took me out to dinner for my first proper meal in a week, to remind me to remember to take care of myself.

His awesome isn’t limited to the big things. He holds doors, helps friends and strangers, and loves the little kitties, every day. I am a lucky woman.

As I get older, the quiet fortitude of real men becomes even more appealing. My appreciation is directly proportionate to my level of self-respect. It’s reflected in my reading; the alpha-males of yesterday no longer appeal.

Well-said and definitely something to think about while writing that hero that the heroine first falls for, then falls in love with.

So I read this post early this morning…like 5am…and was not coherent enough before the caffeine transfusion to respond, but determined that I would consider the question when I got a moment during the day. 

Now more than 14 hours later when I’m finally home again I see that several people have expressed my thoughts much more eloquently than I ever could, but here goes anyway.

First thought for our Everyday or Omega or whatever we want to call our Hero was every Nora Roberts book I’ve read has one.  Guys who aren’t guys.  Guys who are men.  Because that’s what it comes down to, these are men.  Grown ups.  They can be playful, funny, sweet, sometimes idiotic or macho, but they have put being a child behind them when it comes to the important things in life (like relationships).

What was Col. Brandon but a man?  And Willoughby was a guy.  Darcy, once he faced some home truths, became more of a man.  Wickam… guy squared.

If you’re a woman and not a girl, you like men, not guys.  There’s nothing wrong with being a guy, but in the words of the classic 80’s film. ‘Don’t be a guy, be a man.’

This type of man is exactly the type of hero I like to read about. What does it for me isn’t just the dependability, but the unselfishness behind it - I might even argue that that quiet unselfishness is the real defining trait of this sort of hero. Mary Balogh’s got a couple of these heroes - the Marquess of Carew in Lord Carew’s Bride comes to mind, as does Tom Russell in The Trysting Place, and even Francis Kneller in The Famous Heroine, though he can hardly be described as not being flashy. I’d also add Carla Kelly’s heroes in With This Ring and The Wedding Journey.

As to the “bro” culture thing, I think it’s really sad that this is how masculinity is portrayed in our culture. Despite the fact that all the men I grew up with, were kind and dependable and mature, I’ve somehow picked up this image and I find myself wary of starting a relationship with a man because I expect him to be either an overgrown man-child looking for a mommy or else a sleazeball looking for anything female that will put out. I think I can’t be the only one, but isn’t it awful that we should expect the worst of men and consider decent men to be a pleasant surprise rather than the norm.

@megalith: Yeah, I think we’ve definitely got different readings. That’s the great thing about Austen—so many ways to love her! Fanny’s a heroine I have very mixed feelings about; despite finding her about as tiresome as possible, I like her greatly.

Anyway, you’re right about Wives and Daughters. I didn’t care for it much (though I did love how the stepmother was a real person, somewhat dislikeable, selfish, and not at all evil). I didn’t like Molly too much—my tolerance for heroines we’re supposed to love and admire because they’re sweet and innocent and chock-full of tender admiration is limited at best. North and South is a different matter, though. Yummy complex mill owners!

I think that Vicki Lewis Thompson’s nerd heroes are probably purse-holders.  Yes, they tend to get pushed into situations where they have to save the day in ways that might usually be left to Alpha heroes, but they’re not necessarily more suited to the job than any guy off the street.  Maybe they have to save the heroine from a crazed stalker, but their previous experience has more to do with accountancy than law enforcement or defense, so it comes off as more of an outrageous example of their willingness to suit up for whatever she needs than of evidence of their alpha machismo.

To my mind, these qualities are not necessarily lacking in the hero but considered unimportant in plot and character building. Many stories are consumed by world building, conflict and plot points answering who, what, where and how and “purse moments” are deemed inconsequential—sort of “just the high points” mentality.

One series that has built much of the story on those everyday moments is the Jarhead series (m/m) by Sean Micheal. Don’t get me wrong, there are large arcs with death, and illness as well, and certainly huge amounts of sex. It’s the daily little moments, the rituals of affection and consideration as told from the differing points of view of the central characters that draws the reader in and fleshes out the emotional bond. In the case of that particular author, there are probably some that follow the trail of sex through the story and some that follow all of the things in between. I became one of the latter, spending my time skimming quickly past the sex to get to the next little daily moment.

JD Robbs’s Eve Dallas series (and maybe for both this is because they are series) has many of those same kind of moments; the accommodation of quirks, fears, illness and need, the ability to stand side by side even in the small moments and little caretaking rituals performed for each other.

I think “steadfast” is the hero type you mean.

I love Elise Logan’s brother and dad. And that quote about purse-holders was beautiful.

Anyway, I agree with what is being said about what kind of man I would want (reliable, honest, loyal, etc), but at the same time, the voice inside of me is going, “Shouldn’t humans be doing this?”

It is commendable that a man sits there, holding the purse and all that it means, but at the same time, how could he not? If someone isn’t willing to be there with you for the bad stuff, why would you want to share the good stuff? I think it takes real courage to hold someone’s hand as they go through the extremely painful process of ridding themselves of cancer. I have seen it be done, and it is no way an easy thing to do. It takes courage and grace, whether that involves actually holding the purse, or picking up the kids because chemo wipes them out, or doing the dishes because the smell makes them nauseous…all of it takes courage, because you never know if the person you love will die, and that is an extremely harsh thing to live with as you do things you didn’t previously do.

But how could a man who doesn’t do this be the Hero? Isn’t this just a basic tenet of being a good person - helping someone you love when they are hurt or can’t do it themselves? Whether he fights vampires or ledgers, he isn’t much of a Hero if he also doesn’t fight when the person he loves gets sick. (And I don’t mean he’s the one to find the cure, battle those evil cells; its an emotional and mental battlefield you are helping them fight.)

I guess I’m just confused where human decency stops and this 99& Hero picks up.

I see my husband in that description of a purse-holder . . . although he’s not quite that old yet. We met in high school and decided we wanted to get married our Junior year. Finally college came and after a lengthy engagement (2+ years) we began to plan our wedding. And then I got very, very sick.

My first semester of college I made the Dean’s List; my second semester of college, I dropped out because my health was so bad, at the advice of my doctor. I was diagnosed with dysthymia (long-term depression) with a comorbid major depressive episode, but that wasn’t the primary problem. The primary problem was that I had essentially had mono for more than a few months. After it doesn’t go away for a certain amount of time, you get shoved into the diagnosis of “mono-like illness” or in my case, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

What really blows my mind about my husband is that instead of quietly dropping me off at my father’s house and continuing his education like most 17-year-olds would have done, he married me, dropped out of college, got a job, and has been supporting me ever since.

My personal goal in life, aside from taking care of our daughter (who is going to be born in just a few days, actually), is to finish getting my Ph.D. or Psy.D., become a forensic psychologist, and allow him to quit working for the rest of his life.

My husband is a badass.

Janet—no, I am thinking of Miles in Black Sheep.  Swarthy, from his years in a hot climate, and casually dressed, yes, but that seems attractive to me.  It did to Abby, too.  :-)

Damerel (Jasper), in Venetia, is the standard Heyer ‘handsome and arrogant rake’ type, with the obligatory Hard Grey Eyes.

;-)

The first character that popped into my head while reading this was Ethan from Nora Robert’s Quinn Brothers trilogy (Rising Tides, specifically)—still my favorite of her heroes, although I have a couple of others who come close, :)

I thought of Cam.  I loved Ethan and Philip, but Cam was my favorite.  You could tell he would do anything for Anna.

Another omega hero that I think of is Paul Candellano from Knowing You by Maureen Child.  He was smart, hot, and totally in love with Stevie.  There was nothing that he wouldn’t do for her.

I love this post, especially reading about the real life heros and as I know you absolutely have to cram another recommendation into your list I just finished Hester Browne’s ‘The Little Lady Agency and the Prince’, the third part of a chick-lit trilogy that not only features just this kind of hero who gives foot rubs and cooks and listens and sails, but also the most rocking self-sufficient, capable, sexy heroine I’ve ever encountered.

My hub is big and hairy and collects guns and works on cars and can’t remember not to say “fuck” in front of the Diva and is almost gleeful in his refusal to keep up with current events.  His preferred mode of dress is jeans and polo shirt with steel toed Wolverine work boots and since he quit smoking a year ago he’s gained 30 pounds.

Two days before my due date with Diva I had congestive heart failure and if my mom had not been driving me to a dr. appt I would’ve died. When the ambulance got me to the hospital I was blue from lack of oxygen. Emergency c section followed by emergency hysterectomy two days later and I tried to die on the operating table and I was on a ventilator for two weeks and…it sucked. turned out to be prenatal cardiomyopathy.

The hub slept in a supply closet - the ICU nurses made him up a bed and changed the sheets. He helped them keep my lines clean, changed my bandages, would’ve stayed in the room while I used the bed pan if I’d let him. The nurses all said he would’ve made a great nurse.

He took Diva home from the hospital by himself after 3 days - I was in the hospital for 3 weeks. He’d never changed a diaper before he took her home.  He took care of the belly button stump when it fell off.  He fed her formula, and he stayed up all night. And when I eventually came home from the hospital, he showed me how she liked her diaper changed - he used shop towels, from the car repair shop he managed - and he showed me how she liked to be rocked while he fed her. I was weak as a kitten for a couple months and couldn’t stay awake past 9 pm, so he did all the nighttime feedings.

Diva and I fully recovered. She’s a total daddy’s girl.  When I’m gone, he doesn’t need instructions on what to do - he can handle it by himself. 

Granted, if I die tomorrow, and if my mom and sister don’t step in, he and Diva will, inside of two weeks, turn into the crazy pilot and kid from Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome, but Diva would be totally happy with that.

I have no point to this, except to say thank you for making me remember how lucky I am to have the Hub, and reminding me to STFU next time I get all pissy because our life doesn’t resemble a romance novel 24/7.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/men/article6875081.ece

The timing of this article was interesting, as I read this entry and the comments yesterday, and had to fight tears at times. It also made me realise my boyfriend is a good-for-the-goodtimes kind of a guy. We’ve been together for eight years, but when I came home four years ago and told him about my father’s aggressive strain of cancer, he went off and got drunk with his friends. The cancer’s now metastised to my dad’s lungs and he’s terminal, and people at my company are being made redundant… and my boyfriend? Absent in body and mind.

This whole situation has made me wonder about the future with this man, as I know there will be more bad times down the line, and reading about these women’s steadfast heroes has made me wonder whether I shouldn’t “hold out for a hero” too? Thanks Bonnie Tyler ;)

I’m so suprised nobody has mentioned the tags Jenny Crusie uses in Lie To Me - Donut and Muffin. Donuts are great to look at, all sugary with sprinkles, but Muffins hold your purse, are there for you through it all, are good for you.

While this doesn’t exactly cover Sarah’s original position, it’s close. And while Davey Dempsey may have looked like a Donut, he was definitely Tilda’s Muffin, and that’s what it all comes down to, right? The person to be with you through it all.

My word: put 94 - I’d put 94 donuts up against MY muffin any day!

The more I think about the term Omega, the more I think we might want to think of something else.

Omega is The End, at least in a Christian-bible-kind-of-thing.

And that movie Omega Man?  Total downer.

If we want to use Greek, I think, from my small knowledge of brain-wave activity, Gamma *might* be better

I’m a little late posting this but Cam from Red’s Hot Honky-Tonk Bar is a definite Omega hero. Younger dude who steps up and helps Red take care of her granddaughter and even becomes a grandpa when they get married. That’s a hero.

Aaargh - I meant to come back and post here but forgot about it, and everyone’s moved on. Never mind. Reading the comments was lovely. I agree about Touch Not the Cat.

My favourite hero is Jonah Griggs, from the Australian YA novel On the Jellicoe Road. He starts out looking very alpha - big and intimidating - and there’s the requisite antagonism between him and the heroine, but her perception of him gradually changes. He turns into the patient, stalwart, endlessly supportive 99% hero. I love how beautifully that change is written. The book is in the first person, so your perception alters with the heroine’s.

These comments have reminded me I must read some Nora Roberts. I’ve tried a couple from the late 80s, but the way the perspectives flipped every few paragraphs bothered me. Next time I’ll try something more recent.

I’ve read some really flipping great posts and comment threads on SmartBitches before, but this one takes the cake.  I’ve lost count of the times I’ve cried.  Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories. 

I’ve got to agree that the Omega tag is the wrong one for this hero.  The first thing that came into my mind was the bible quote “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end.”  This hero is not an end, for his heroine he is the beginning and his name should reflect that.  I think I agree that the Steadfast Hero is the name that rings the right tone for me. 

And, yes, I married a purse-holder as well.  He’s a big imposing fellow, with a heart of gold.  He can fix literally anything that’s broken, cook the best tortellini alfredo I’ve ever tasted, and he’s proven over and over that he will take care of me no matter what.  He’s held my purse during my several health scares, the last of one of which was a breast cancer scare when I was so frightened I could barely think straight.  As someone above said, it is actions that speak louder than words for most of these men and and believe me I’m listening.

I had spinal fusion surgery this summer, and my husband slept on the couch in my hospital room four nights in a row. He made the hour drive home to let our dog out and then drove back to see me every day. He isn’t tall. He isn’t a marine. He isn’t a billionaire. He is wonderful, kind, and sensitive. I wish there were more romance novels which focused on good men rather than Alpha males.

I don’t know if Alpha/Beta/Omega/Whatever is a good way to characterise a man - is there a possiblilty that a man can be a bit of both?

I married a good man but an absent man.  He’s in the Army and, very often, he has to put his men before me and our children.  So far, so Alpha male.  Yet, that dedication to an ideal of public service is part of why I fell in love with him.  He has integrity, honour, courage and is dutiful and committed. 

So, he can be away from home in dangerous parts of the world (as he is right now) and then he can come home and switch right into ‘Daddy’ mode and bathe the children and read bedtime stories in funny voices.

I can’t always depend on him to change the lightbulbs, fix the washing machine or cook dinner when I’m sick but I can depend on him to be faithful, trustworthy and supportive of our goals in raising our sons.

He will hold my handbag when I’m sick - if he’s there.  Unfortunately, sometimes he isn’t there.  His recent deployment saw him leaving just four days after I had emergency surgery.

Mind you, this works for us because I’m a bit of an Alpha female - I’d rather get on with things on my own and run things to suit me.  It does us good to have times apart because we appreciate each other more when we are together.

In conclusion, I can understand the appeal of the “omega” man but I think I married an Alpha man who has some omega-ish traits - and that’s fine by me. :)

I think the thing that makes a successful alpha hero is the degree to which he’s also an omega.  (I like the omega label, fwiw.)

An alpha without those kind, generous, loving traits is a blowhard, control-freak asshole.  An alpha WITH those traits is a romance hero.

Heh.  I watched a biography show on Jesse Ventura when he was governor of Minnesota and fell madly in love with him.  Loud and alpha-ish, yes.  But the clips of interviews with his wife and kids showed a loving husband and father, who was deeply loved in return.  Mrrrowr.

Yep, the omega / ‘sandwich’ hero hits the nail on the head! I wonder what would happen if soneome specified ‘must hold purse in the waiting room’ on e-harmony?  :)
Now, I’m trying to picture some characters in books a few (or more) years down the road.
I wonder what fifty years, an illness or an accident would do to Jess & Dain from Loretta Chase’s Lord of Scoundrels? 

(Damn, now I wish someone’d write an anthology around this idea!)

It’s kind of a side-note, but is there a novel where the hero turns out to be an ‘omega’ that’s in a lower social class or position? Does anyone ever run away with a steadfast butler . . .? I can’t recall seeing one.

It’s kind of a side-note, but is there a novel where the hero turns out to be an ‘omega’ that’s in a lower social class or position? Does anyone ever run away with a steadfast butler . . .? I can’t recall seeing one.

I think, in a Regency/Victorian romance, if the hero is lower class he has to be alpha to make up for it.

It’s kind of a side-note, but is there a novel where the hero turns out to be an ‘omega’ that’s in a lower social class or position? Does anyone ever run away with a steadfast butler . . .? I can’t recall seeing one.

Carla Kelly, The Lady’s Companion, a Regency classic.  The hero is the land manager, a Welshman who was an enlisted man during the war.  He’s a wonderful, steady guy who knows he can’t fall for the heroine ‘cause she’s a lady—but they fall in love anyway.  Excellent, three hanky book.

Sycorax: I adore Jonah Griggs. The book itself is beautiful and sad, and every time I reread it I’m left with those feelings, but Griggs adds heartwarming to the mix.

Sycorax: I adore Jonah Griggs. The book itself is beautiful and sad, and every time I reread it I’m left with those feelings, but Griggs adds heartwarming to the mix.

Oh, I’m so glad someone else here knows it! I love everything about On the Jellicoe Road, but I think Taylor’s relationship with Jonah (as well as her friendships) balances out the heartbreaking elements in the plot.

I married a firefighter.
Enough said

I’m late commenting on this because on the day it was posted, I was in the hospital having a hysterectomy. Not such a big deal, but it was to me because it means that my fiance- a man I’ve been with for a year and a half, who I’ll be marrying next spring- and I won’t be able to have any children together.

Except that doesn’t matter to him. He’s accepted my daughters from my first marriage as his own, and even tolerates their father for their sake. To me, he’s exactly that “99% hero” described in the post. When we met, I was a year and a half out of an emotionally abusive marriage, and he’s been the one to cuddle and reassure me, to cheer me on when I feel strong and to be strong for me when I can’t quite manage it.

This morning, he told me I’m sexy. I looked at him like he was nuts; I stood there, four days post-surgery, and couldn’t believe he’d find me sexy under the circumstances. When I said that to him he said, “Duh. I love you.”

That’s a hero, as far as I’m concerned. And yeah, Omega definitely works, because I plan on this relationship lasting.

A very belated comment to this, but as I am new to the blog I hope that can be forgiven.

While I was in college, I would frequently miss several days of classes each month due to excruciatingly painful menstrual cramps, a problem which I snarked about to my then-friend, now-husband. Birth-control medicine has drastically reduced such problems, but they do pop up from time to time, and speaking of time things don’t always start when they’re supposed to.

So! During the space between my friend becoming my best friend and later husband, I found myself lying on the couch in my apartment, grumbling because sitting up was painful and I’d run out of pads and tampons. My sweetheart looked at me sympathetically and asked (I don’t recall the exact words, but I remember the sweet and almost hopeful tone of his voice), “Would you like me to go to CVS for you? I’ve tried to pay attention to the kind [of pads] you like.”

I was floored. Not because he wasn’t sweet, or because he wasn’t thoughtful—he was, and is—but because this was not something I expected. There was a mundanity (?) about it that made me think I should expect this sort of thing from any decent person, and yet I don’t.

I haven’t, thankfully, had to go through anything worse than crutches for a badly scraped leg while we’ve been together, but between the small, ordinary wonderfulness he brought, he also drove 300+ miles every other weekend to see me while I was in school out-of-state.

That, I think, is more than to be expected.