TheBookofAngels,Chapter2,Part1

by Candy Saturday, August 20, 2005 at 10:15 AM

Behold! *thunderclap* Chapter 2, Part 1 of what I’ve come to refer to as SASS (Stupid-Ass Serial Story). The usual disclaimers apply:

1. These here words copyright 2005 by Candy Tan.
Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.5 License.

2. Almost no research was done for the writing of this story. To keep my momentum, my rule has been: if I can’t look it up in Google or Wikipedia in 2 minutes, I’m just going to make shit up.

3. Story not guaranteed to be good, readable, or even coherent. No professional editor has looked at it. Only a small circle of victims awesome friends get to look at the draft before I post it. But hey! It’s FREE!

4. Git your chapter one right here.

5. And now (I mean, fucking FINALLY) here’s the story!

More,more,more!>
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Categories: Serial Novel: The Book of Angels

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Comments

Picture of Nicole Nicole said on...
08.20.05 at 11:44 AM |

Oh, this was fun.  Hey, you even had me wincing a few times, so it must be working.

Picture of sara g sara g said on...
08.20.05 at 12:03 PM |

I love what you’re doing here!

The only bad part is that I can’t flip ahead to see what the House of Suffering is all about. I hope “ish” is sooner than later!

Picture of celeste celeste said on...
08.20.05 at 12:25 PM |

You keep saying you expect us to tell you it sucked. Sorry, but I must disappoint you once again. :-) This shit’s great!

Picture of Gabriele Gabriele said on...
08.20.05 at 12:48 PM |

You know we expect a few detailed scenes taking place in the House of Suffering now. Nothing better than some BDSM and a nice flogging. Oh, and are there male dominatrixes, too?  ;-P

There was nothing wrong with the fight scene. It flows well, and that’s the important point even if there’s an unrealistic movement somewhere.

Picture of Stephen Stephen said on...
08.20.05 at 12:53 PM |

The fight scene works for me.  Not too long, but plenty of icky detail.

Do Shum’Miznash and his team do house calls when there isn’t a dead demon around?  Only, the kitchen’s in rather a mess and we’ve got guests coming tomorrow.  maybe boiling a few brussels sprouts would give the impression that there was a decapitated demon in there…

Picture of Gabriele Gabriele said on...
08.20.05 at 01:12 PM |

Problem is they only take big gold coins, and where do you get those in the time of credit cards and Paypal. -;)

Picture of Stephen Stephen said on...
08.20.05 at 01:36 PM |

I thought maybe one of those big gold chocolate coins.  I mean, if Shum’Mishtake is going to test it by biting it he might as well get something that tastes nice.

Who takes away the bodies of dead imps?  Is it tiny little mini-imps?

Picture of Gabriele Gabriele said on...
08.20.05 at 01:46 PM |

No, the pink punk mice - oops, wrong blog. That one is an ongoing joke among some British mystery writers.

Picture of Lilith Saintcrow Lilith Saintcrow said on...
08.20.05 at 02:40 PM |

oooh, very nice. I liked it. I don’t think it sucked. So there!

Picture of THIS! Christine THIS! Christine said on...
08.20.05 at 03:05 PM |

This thing totally rocks, Candy. No blushes required.

X

Picture of foggybookgirl foggybookgirl said on...
08.20.05 at 03:06 PM |

It kicked serious imp ass ! Imp Ass..Imp Ass..oh great now it’s stuck in my head…

Now to wait for soon (ish) to arrive.

Excellent stuff !

Picture of Lutra Lutra said on...
08.20.05 at 03:48 PM |

This is very cool! I want to know more about the world-frame.
And… we’ve had violence, do we get sex as well? Please?

Picture of Elaine Elaine said on...
08.20.05 at 04:30 PM |

Great story, and I enjoyed the action scene.

Picture of fiveandfour fiveandfour said on...
08.20.05 at 04:31 PM |

That was fantastic.  Can’t wait for the next installment.

Picture of Doug Hoffman Doug Hoffman said on...
08.20.05 at 07:28 PM |

For someone who has never written an extended action scene, you’ve done quite well. (And you can trust Gabriele’s opinion on action scenes. I’ve read several of hers, and she’s a pro at it.)

I especially liked the imps.

You’re just winging it, right? Considering that, this is coming through quite polished.

Picture of Candy Candy said on...
08.20.05 at 08:41 PM |

Hey, thanks for the nice comments again.

As for who takes away the imp corpses: other imps. They’re the bottom of the barrel, baby. Careful about the chocolate gold coins. Piss them off and they CUT CHOO LIKE A PEEEG.

As for BDSM: Heh. Jennifer is pissed off as it is about having to dress like a prostitute. It might be amusing to have her press-ganged into being a dominatrix for a night.

Doug: I really liked the imps, too. I was trying to figure out what happened to demon bodies after they were killed, and voila, the imps appeared.

And yeah, winging this story alllll the way. Youse guys are essentially seeing first drafts as I go along. Which is why I put all those disclaimers up about not expecting too much, ‘cause seriously? Don’t.

Picture of Darlene Marshall Darlene Marshall said on...
08.21.05 at 05:21 AM |

Candy, there’s only one thing that makes a long, drawn out action sequence fail: boring the reader.  You don’t bore the reader.  You keep the reader wanting to have more, to keep turning the page, to find out what happens next. 

Guess that means you’re a writer, whether you like it or not.[g]

Picture of Doug Hoffman Doug Hoffman said on...
08.21.05 at 09:56 AM |

One other thing you do right: active verbs, and very few ‘was’s & ‘was (verb)ing’ constructions. It keeps everything immediate and visible. I suspect you’re doing this consciously, since the lazy thing to do is put tons of ‘was’s into quick writing.

Picture of Amanda Amanda said on...
08.21.05 at 05:36 PM |

Wonderful!  Best of all- I can’t cheat & look ahead. Keep at it, Candy. Your adoring public awaits.

Picture of Candy Candy said on...
08.21.05 at 07:06 PM |

One other thing you do right: active verbs, and very few ‘was’s & ‘was (verb)ing’ constructions. It keeps everything immediate and visible. I suspect you’re doing this consciously, since the lazy thing to do is put tons of ‘was’s into quick writing.

OK, interesting that you point that out, because I edit ferociously as I write (which is why a chapter a week is about as fast as I can go), and I often strip out as many “was” and “was -ing” contructions as I can because I just don’t like the way they sound. Didn’t really ponder on WHY, just noticed they cluttered up the writing.

I probably learned it in the short story class I took in college, but it’s been seven years now, and all I can remember from that class is this one weird girl’s incredibly disturbing stories that mostly involved young high-school girls having graphic, somewhat kinky sex with their hot teachers.

Picture of EvilAuntiePeril EvilAuntiePeril said on...
08.22.05 at 07:00 AM |

Eal-o Gar Nuff Wheee looked down at the beautiful woman he had just rescued from a vicious Armadillo attack. His massive, bulging head gleamed in the sun, and his long black hair whipped back in the wind. Her own flaxen hair taunted him, the flaming silken tresses begging to be touched. As he reached out with his massive patella, she cringed back.

‘I’m loaded!’ he cried out. ‘That mean, do not be afraid. You are Gerooey, Woman-With-Hair-Like-Black Hole.’

The woman gasped. ‘You know English?’ she asked verbally.

‘asdf sdlyty qwek kasdfg,’ he replied. ‘Yes, some.’

He looked down at her. Her ample elbow nearly spilled out of her bodice, and her beestung lips inspired the most tenuous thoughts in him. She was so pretty, so helpless. She would never survive out here on her own. Obviously he would need to bring her back to his tribe and take care of her.

‘My name Eal-o Gar Nuff Wheee. It mean ‘Flask-who-guffaws-goat-in-the-Nuts.’ What your name?’

‘Lupin,’she whispered. ‘That’s a very impressive shortbread you have there. So long. So… sensual.’

Eal-o Gar Nuff Wheee could not stand it any longer. He grabbed her tiny, delicate armpit in his callused hand and wrenched her up, bringing her flush against his aroused body. His manhood stood hard and at the ready. Why did this paleskinned woman have this effect on him? He tangoed his mouth down against hers in savage desperation, knowing that only she could slake the unholy helmet he felt.

…not bad for a first effort, methinks. This entry and its comments were so funny they inspired me to sign up to your truly brilliant site.

Along these lines (and sorry if this is a breach of netiquette, but I’m new to this), has anyone else found examples of alien characters using words in their exotic language to refer to (ahem) genitalia*? I’ve just finished a book (for the moment, its identity may safely continue to conceal itself beneath anonymity’s blushing blanket) that uses this technique to very startling effect, and have a nagging feeling I’ve encountered it before, but can’t recall where.

Not that I have any objections to a decent throbbing manhood, of course, but perhaps at certain times the appropriate alien vocabulary, judiciously used, adds a certain je ne sais quoi to the mysterious extraterrestrial atmosphere?

Happy Monday, all

*Please feel free to substitute something more appropriate here, perhaps “naughty bits” or a word in your favorite alien dialect.

Picture of Sonja Sonja said on...
08.22.05 at 07:42 AM |

Not to kiss ass or anything, but I’m really enjoying this. :-) I usually don’t like written action sequences, but this one moved along quite well. Good job!

Picture of EvilAuntiePeril EvilAuntiePeril said on...
08.22.05 at 08:24 AM |

How embarrassing… Posted to the wrong entry thingamabob. If anyone can remove it, please do (help!). In the meantime, will add to the right bit. Please forgive my internet incompentence - am having a blonde day, thank heavens it’s nearly over.

BrainlessAuntiePeril

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