Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

exactly.

If this woman can make Dracula boring, imagine what she could do if she wrote a book about librarians. Oh wait, she did that at the same time.

Okay, thanks for this review. Because the other day I lingered over a copy of this book while at Target, trying to decide if I should get it or not. I’d heard “stuff” about it, meaning I’d heard that people are reading it, but I hadn’t heard if it was worth it.

Now I’m really, really glad I took a pass. I have no time in my life to be bored. I have a gazillion TBRs that are no doubt wonderfully exciting. Last thing I need is to drag myself through this drudgery.

So: Story within story within story. All of them mostly boring, peppered with just enough “Oooh, creepy!” to keep me reading.

That was exactly what I thought. But the boring bits were so boring. And man, she could have done with a transatlantic beta-reader, because she apparently has absolutely no idea of how Oxford dons in the ‘30s (or even any English people now) spoke or speak. Refering to the “halls” instead of “corridors” was just the tip of the iceberg of anachronistic Americanisms.

Also, I interviewed Kostova for work (I’m a features writer) and while she’s quite nice, she has, shall we say, a somewhat snobbish attitude to literature. She was at pains to stress that she wasn’t a fantasy writer, she didn’t read fantasy literature ever, and she’d never read another vampire story besides Dracula. I didn’t point out that if she had, her book might be a bit more entertaining. But I wanted to. I did bring up the myriad books that are both fantasy novels and literary fiction (like Jonathan Strange, for example), but she didn’t seem to get it. She went on and on about how she only reads “literary books”. It was quite sickening, really.

I know this book isn’t written according to modern conventions, and I really, really loved it (as I’ve no doubt said ad nauseum.) It did drag a bit in the middle, but I found it fascinating for all the semantic and historical in-jokes peppered through the text. Plus, its pokes at academes were screamingly funny, at least for me.

Plus I’m the kind of girl that reads Dracula and The Cenci and all sorts of old literary crap that’s deadly boring when you get right down to it, only I Really Like It.

I get the feeling that this is the only book Kostova’s ever going to write, not least because it took her ten years. And I do agree that she needs a tougher editor. I just loved the book so much that I forgave the slow bits. It does indeed say something for Kostova’s skill that she was able to keep this juggernaut in the air despite herself.

Now, if you really want to tackle a hunk of gristle, Candy, check out Hunger’s Brides. I’m halfway through and feel like bashing my head into the wall--or the book’s cover, seeing as how it weighs four pounds or something. *grin*

I knew the book would suck. I heard about the book, read about the exorbitant advance, and I knew.

Dracula was looking for a fucking librarian? I’m guffawing here.

What I really want to know is whatcha thought about that the latest Kleypas b.c. I, too, pretty much buy her books hot off the press even though she’s written a few doozies. I am compelled.

Maybe I’m just contrary, but I thoroughly enjoyed the book.

I acknowledge your points Candy, but I fell into the story and had a great ride (I don’t think that came out the way I meant it to).  I love your snark, but I guess I don’t apply it myself when reading.  If I have a good reading experience, I’m happy.

I had quibbles, but liked the book.

Thanks for the detailed review, Candy, because now if this book comes up in conversation I’ll know what The Historian is more or less about and I’ve been spared the actual work of reading it myself.  Yay for outsourcing!

And, ohhhh, but hearing about snobbish writers never fails to burn me up a little.  It actually gives me the image of the rail-thin supermodel who secretly stuffs herself with Ho-Hos and french fries when no one’s looking, then proclaims to the world how an unhealthful morsel will never pass her lips and if only other women would eat like her, they could be thin, too.  I like to imagine these writers have been in contact with more trash than a compactor, just secretly and under cover of darkness in their beds at night.  Why else protest so stringently of their ignorance of “lesser” writings?  (And a question for another day: why would any artist cut him or herself off from potential sources of learning and inspiration?  I mean, some of these writers sell so well for a reason - they can tell a compelling story!)

Ahem.  Guess I’m feeling a bit eeevillle myself today :).

Interesting, Candy, I had pretty much the same experience reading this book (first novel I’ve finished in a long time--and it took me a long time...!) I thought the premise was fascinating, the early part drew me in, the narrator annoyed me right off the bat, all the voices sounded the same, the convoluted letter set-up seemed silly, the descriptions of place were very alluring at first but began to repeat themselves noticeably, and just when you should be sitting up all night in the bathroom biting your fingernails and turning pages as fast as you can to finish, I was falling asleep with a heavy book sliding off the bed.  I agree that it’s unlikely she’ll follow it up.  For one thing, with what?  That’s a one-time premise, as far as I can see.  Unless we bring Drac back for The Historian II.

It might have ended with more interest if the narrator had fallen in strange and compelled love with Dracula in spite of the boy-next-door guy, and then faced a real choice in terms of putting an end to him or not.  Dracula was certainly the best character in the book.

Sounds to me like someone read “The Club Dumas” way too many times (which I readily admit is a favorite of mine). LOL!

Thanks for the ranty-review! I’ve been eyeing this book for weeks. Now I know I can wait for paperback, or used! Or skip it entirely.

Was there really some fun-poking going on? Because it flew completely over my head. Probably because I was too drowsy to pay attention to nuances.

I guess you had to have dealt with one or two college departmental infights before it became funny. (Which is like saying one has to have one’s skin peeled off and be rubbed down with vinegar before finding something funny. Gak.) Now I’m wondering if the humor was intentional.

I found Dracula needing a librarian to be completely believable. Being a book hoarder myself, I can think of nothing else that I’d want to do for centuries other than stock up on exquisite volumes. And when you’ve lived for a few hundred years, just taking out a personal ad is probably boring in the extreme. I thought it was exactly the game a bright, sociopathic, sadistic vampire would play. But then again, I’m warped.

It might have ended with more interest if the narrator had fallen in strange and compelled love with Dracula in spite of the boy-next-door guy, and then faced a real choice in terms of putting an end to him or not.  Dracula was certainly the best character in the book.

Amen! I totally did not dig the boy next door. I thought Helen should have fallen in love with Dracula and the narrator should have found out she was the Spawn of the Undead. If I have one quibble with the book, that’s it.

I also was compelled to finish the damn boring thing, and then I was like, shit, is that it?

How many $200,000 advances for truly awesome books could that $2 mil have provided?  With the huge amounts of promo dollars lavished on it split?

(Counts fingers and weeps).

Dracula is going through all this trouble for a fucking librarian.

Hmph. I’ll have you know that we’re worth going through a lot of trouble for.  :P

Signed,
Your friendly neighbourhood librarian

p.s you are so right about the ‘ohnoes it’s a sinister mass media copy of Dracula!’ though. @@

This is one of those times when I don’t think the reviewer and I read the same book.

Yes, it sagged in the middle.  And the final pay off for the “human” part of the story was given short shrift.  But, as for the rest, I thought it was a fascinating story told in a variety of equally fascinating voices.

And I’m surprised you think it’s one of those “literary” novels people want to be seen reading and really don’t read.  (The Hours, anyone?) I thought it was the exact opposite—a challenging book that was also compulsively readable.

Just goes to show you, there’s a book out there for everyone.

I agree with you on just about anything. The ending is so quick, and the rest of the book is so freaking slow, that’s it definitely left me feeling dissatisfied. Also, that epilogue? Resolved absolutely nothing. It was totally pointless. And we never got to find out what happened with the narrator and the nice college boy, either.

I guess this just goes to show that the literary novels that get all the hoo-ha are inevitably a load of crap. Every one I’ve picked up that the critics have acclaimed “Best book ever!” etc. etc. has been horrible, except for The Time Traveler’s Wife, which was actually quite lovely.

Oh, and I agree Kostova won’t write anoter book. She seems to feel that her book is an instant!classic and she need to contribute no more to literature. Humph. Methinks her head is a little inflated.

The other thing that really bothered me about the form, was that we never learn the narrator’s name. I understand it’s part of the convention to make it read like certain historical books, but come on. I just wanted to know her name so I could curse her out for being such an idiot.

Hee, that should be I agree with you on just about everything, not anything. Typo alert! And, that is in regards to this book, of course. I wouldn’t want to commandeer your opinions on, say, rice pudding.

“Long-winded Dracula fanfic”

*SNORT* You made me snort tea into my nasal passage.

“Dracula was looking for a fucking librarian?”

If he had actually been looking for one of those hawt fucking librarians, that would have made it a much better book, in my opinion. :D

I think I commented about this when y’all mentioned it earlier. I totally agree with everything Candy said--I finished it, complaining the entire time, and when I got to the end, I too was going “Is THAT all????”

The travelogues got stale and everybody was so pale and bloodless...even Dracula. sigh. Oh well.

Oh, dear. I really loved “The Hours.”

If I read “The Historian,” it will be about two years from now, when everyone’s over it. There’s a tradeoff that I think is worth it: I won’t be able to engage in any current discussions on it. But I find that lagging a long way behind the “early adopters” seems to work well for me with much-hyped books. Particularly with literary novels, when the glow of the newly proclaimed genius has dimmed a little. (Every year or so, there’s a “boy with a book” whom I get a little tired of reading about. You know who I mean.)

YES! YES!

I remember reading two excerpts from “The Corrections,” before it came out, and thinking: “Who is this guy?” I wrote his name on a sticky and the minute the book came out, I was down at the Strand getting an ARC.

One excerpt followed Chip on the day he stuffed the salmon from Dean & DeLuca down the front of his leather pants, which he intended to cook that evening for his visiting parents.

The other was the part about Denise in her summer job, when she had an affair with that sleazeball engineer.

Between those two excerpts, damn, I wanted that book!

I agree with you that it could have lost some pages ... a little bit less of the investment opportunity in whatever-that-thing-was (I’ve blocked that from my mind) and the Alzheimer’s hallucinations, and maybe a little less of Chip’s adventures in Eastern Europe.

But then I remember some masterful moments in Edith’s head.

And the wrangling between Gary and Caroline.

And I know why I kept that book.

Well, Candy, since we agree on these books, I must print out your review of “The Historian” & keep it by me in 2007, when I pick up a copy for 50 cents at a yard sale and finally read it, and everyone tells me, “Yeah, I read that, but I can’t remember what I thought about it.”

[Apologies for hijacking the thread.]

“If he had actually been looking for one of those hawt fucking librarians, that would have made it a much better book, in my opinion. :D”

ROFL!!

Thanks.  I’m re-writing it in my head now. ;)

but I found it fascinating for all the semantic and historical in-jokes peppered through the text. Plus, its pokes at academes were screamingly funny, at least for me.

Okay, I get it now. Kostova only reads literary books and doesn’t read fantasy, ever.

This book was written as a kind literary smug in-joke for the luminaries of the literati and not for the pleasure of we peons who, obviously, cannot understand such high art.  Maybe she wrote it as a dare?

I have read so much about this book - I was even given a free reader that I’ve yet to open - that I have no intention of reading it. Ever.  I want action, action, action!  Not a snobby Vampire looking for an equally snobby librarian.

If he had actually been looking for one of those hawt fucking librarians, that would have made it a much better book, in my opinion. :D - Livia

There has to be a decently to awesomely written erotic romance out there with this premise.  I’d dig it.

This book was written as a kind literary smug in-joke for the luminaries of the literati and not for the pleasure of we peons who, obviously, cannot understand such high art.  Maybe she wrote it as a dare?

That wasn’t at all what I meant to convey. I enjoyed the book immensely and found the things I considered to be semantic or historical jokes charming.

Thanks for all of the opinions, ladies. I’ll probably take sherryfair’s advice & wait & buy a copy secondhand. Then hold on to it for a good while & read it after everyone else has moved on. Sometimes that’s the only way I can read a book objectively. Hype makes me suspicious.

So many books, so little time and money. Thanks for saving me some cash. I’ll wait until I can get it from the library on a cold, winter day when I’m having trouble sleeping.

I can somehow agree with the people who hated The Historian and still say I enjoyed it.  Must be a multiple personality thing.

I loved the beginning, slogged through the middle, and was disappointed in the ending.  Everyone just happened to show up in the same room at the same time to slay the monster and solve the mystery.  Kostova may not read fantasy, but she’s sure seen her share of Scooby-Doo cartoons.

But it wasn’t a book I was reading in order to get to the end--it was the experience of the read itself I found rewarding.  I’d been reading so many plot-driven books lately, it was a nice change of pace.

The whole time I was reading the Historian, I kept thinking, ‘She got paid how much for this book?’

I liked the book. It was an okay book, a good book even. But not a GREAT book. If the author had not been possessed of Many Awesome Degrees, it wouldn’t have even been a blip on anybody’s radar.

And why not mention the narrator’s name? I kept getting distracted, thinking it had to be some literary device that symbolized something or the other and I just wasn’t getting it.

I will confess however, that I intend to get the book from the library again and copy the paragraph that ends, ‘but he had never loved her more than when she shot the librarian.’ or words to that effect. That one made me laugh out loud. I’ve spent the last 20 years working in libraries. I have known several librarians I’ve wanted to shoot on occasion.

I have read one too many books lately where the end comes and I’m all, WTF.  Also, anything that is remotely slow in story telling will grate on my nerves.  I know my strengths and weaknesses so thank you Candy for your take.  I have read elsewhere that others were having the exact same problem.  Seeing as how I like vampire romance I thought The Historian might be fun - my mistake.

CindyS (going to spend her 40 bucks on something fun!)

I like the book although the premis did suck (pun intended).

Good help is hard to find, even for the undead.

anon

The main problem I had with this book was that for a supposedly curious person the narrator came off as barly consciouss most of the time, and the rest it seemed like she had a terrible case of eunni.

The second was that Dracula wasn’t picking a qualified person for his librarian.  Serious if I’d sent all that time amassing treasured book then I’d want a librarian that really knew what she/he was doing.

First post was eaten.  It was brilliant.

Just discovered this website.  It was on a list of websites nominated for an award from Preditors and Editors (sic). 

I also hated The Historian.  I slogged through until about page 560, when Kostova insulted the intelligence of 10-year-olds everywhere by using AMNESIA (selective amnesia induced by Greek booze) to explain why what’s his name forgot about falling in love with the narrator’s mother.  WTF?

I’ll never trust a Newsweek review again.

He (Dracula) hands these (books) out like candy to bright young academicians, though why he picked this batch, I will never figure out because a lot of the time they seemed about as sharp as a sack of wet hair.”

Oh I love “sharp as a sack of wet hair” I am going to start using that one, I’m going to teach it to my first born…

I read the book.  Hubby read the book.  I am no longer trusting NPR’s reviews, nuts!  Ugh.  If only I’d known about this website beforehand…

Perhaps she was getting paid by the word until the ending came, then her publisher called and said we’re cutting you off if you don’t produce a book.  So she threw that wacked ending in...puhleeze.

Maybe smart bitches can get a gig on NPR?  Hmm I’m going to write in a suggestion…

Thank heavens there are other people who felt the same way about this lame excuse for a novel.

I think a C was kind. The best I can say about The Historian was that it was better than the Da Vinci Code.

One of the things that I found most wearisome was the lack of humour, wit or irony. And a previous commentator was right, she had absolutely no ear for English as it is spoken by English people. Mind you, her ear for any dialogue was pretty tinny.

Luckily, I have Buffy to turn to. Bring on the exciting, funny vampires.

Hell Yes---

talk about OverHyped!!!!!Granted the book starts out just fine but then????Did Ms Kostova write this story on the fly????make it up as she went along (that’s what writers do...sure. but no so blatanty. where was her editor?) so many SURPRISES!!!!that were lameass>>>and the ENDING????  wimpy as hell!  Mommy is sorry she’s a vampire spawn (NOT) but.....one more example of mucho promise....no delivery.  pitypity,,,,