Darlene was kind enough to forward a link to The Onion’s hi-larious man-titty lament, as she called it.
My favorite part? “Can’t a brawny, brooding man ride his stallion slowly through the fresh-smelling air of a misty forest at dawn and think ruefully back to his tender childhood that seems to him now to exist in another world entirely—without having to constantly look over his perfectly sculpted shoulders?”
Perhaps we Smart Bitches are too harsh on the manful cover models. Poor, poor man-titty.
Enjoyed that.
Thank you.
Need a new office chair though.
Oh, shit! I haven’t laughed that hard in a good long time.
I seriously snorted I was laughing so hard.
The part where I lost it?
As I dipped her low, her pounding heart betrayed her pleas for her chastity, and my turgid manhood would be denied no longer.
Nothing like a little early morning turgid manhood, eh?
That made me LOL.
*spewww*
There goeth my morning cuppa tea.
That was great. Thank you for sharing.
That bastard must have been hiding with a sketchbook in the bushes.
Bwahahaha! I think that part made me laugh the hardest. ;) Well done!
Believe me, this was too good to keep to myself.
That was made of awesome. Thanks for the linky goodness.
Oh-my-sweet-fucking-god . . .
Gawd, that was brilliant!
“I just hope no one I know sees it. The other blacksmiths would never let me live this down.”
“Had I known I would be fronting a bestseller, I would have taken a shower and put on my nice red shirt, and maybe a tie.”
BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
Best last paragraph EVER:
”No, this is no way for a free and unfettered man with a small fortune inherited from a distant noble relative to live. Therefore, I have decided to weigh anchor and set sail with my crew of strapping young seamen aboard my sloop, The Moonlight Arrow, toward destinations exotic and unknown. Once at sea, as the suzerain’s daughter I have shanghaied from our last port-of-call clings hungrily to my abdomen, her honeyed breath playing about my breast, I will gaze stoically at the horizon from the prow of my ship, where none of those frauds at Harlequin/Silhouette would ever care to find me.”
Derek Larksthrush, OMG.
I so love The Onion.
Oops, DUNCAN Larksthrush—how could I get that name wrong?!
That’s OK. Derek is his twin brother.
What a riot!
More! More!
That’s OK. Derek is his twin brother.
That’s right—how could I have forgotten the raven-haired twin, separated at birth from his other half, torn from a “tender childhood” in the Italian Scottish Anglo-American countryside and thrust into a portable prison cell in a digital dungeon, sold to various circus owners, vampire dominatrixes, jealous stepmothers who secretly want to be spanked, sadistic smallpox scarred stepfathers with temptress stepdaughters, and surrogate daddy pirate plunderers. It’s only a matter of time before Duncan rips himself away from that “busty field nurse” to discover, quite by overplotted accident, that his only brother lives just next door to that Tuscan-style log cabin nestled in the Ozarks, from which he walks every day—barefoot and clad only in too-tight hand-me-down cashmere overalls—the 20 miles to the local grocery store, where he has lovingly hand-packed that very mutton upon which his brother intends to feast. What a reunion that will be.
Don’t forget their lovely and feisty long-lost younger sister who was never mistreated by the sketchy parents because she was so perfect. The third novel in the trilogy will be about her finding a turgid member to call her own.
Oh, THANK YOU.
Well, and just when I thought it was safe to read silently at work.
(My word is woman27, which is just...)
Perhaps Derek, the evil twin, is in league with the sinister lady author, Stephanie Blackmoore (who wants Duncan for her own nefarious purposes), and is therefore posing on romance novel covers in a cunning plot to destroy Duncan’s reputation and not-quite-yet-new-found love with a handsome, steely-eyed, desert sheikh.
Imagine the sheikh’s surprise when he pops into his local supermarket for a packet of falafel and a tin of chocolate wafers only to see his beloved blacksmith’s body splashed all over these books. There may be a misunderstanding of titanic proportions.
If Stephanie (who probably bleaches her hair, wears too much make-up and has long red fingernails like talons) has manipulated and lied to Derek to make him evil, he can be redeemed in the sequel by the sweet innocence, secret baby and magic hoo-hoo of a fairy-like lass who loves kittens.
If Stephanie (who probably bleaches her hair, wears too much make-up and has long red fingernails like talons) has manipulated and lied to Derek to make him evil, he can be redeemed in the sequel by the sweet innocence, secret baby and magic hoo-hoo of a fairy-like lass who loves kittens.
And don’t forget the underground operation she oversees in which she rescues the feisty young daughters of noblemen from lives of domestic normalcy by impoverishing them and training them for fake governess-mistress positions and secret-baby production.
Hmm, I’m not sure that should be the villainess or the heroine.
A website that reviews romance novels from a couple of smart bitches who will always give it to you straight. No bullshit. No gushing--unless the author really deserves it.
Interesting take on Twilight, considering how much of it is Meyer’s constant exhortations to NOT HAVE SEX, OMG. The New York Times review I read today picked up on that and claimed it made Edward boring. But you can’t have…
From Half Time Penalties
If you can’t find it on YouTube, google Stephen Colbert and you should be able to retrieve it one way or the other. I watched this last week and nearly died laughing. I love this man.
It tells me the video is no longer available.
(Although someone else should check because it could be just not available in Korea. It’s happened before).
I think I may have to get a pair - the magical words “custom made” are what got me. I bought mittens like this once...and the half gloves completely covered my pinkie and left at most my nail exposed on…
From Fun Gift Ideas
I’m with Leah. There are some people you canNOT critique. If your friend is gonna get butthurt/insulted, or hate you, or ignore you, do not waste your time. The letter writer’s friend sounds like one of ‘em.
Examples…
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12.13.06 at 06:30 AM |