Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

I like #1, 5 and 8, I laughed my arse off at those.

But… my vote goes to #5.

No. 7.  I never get tired of the Whardizing of names.

I like number 10.

Oh my god. Entry number 5. Though entry number 7 is also hilarious. I suppose I’m only supposed to pick one..

Can I vote for myself? ;)

Joke!  I abstain.

Such wonderful competition!  I’ve been giggling like crazy going through these.  I went the serious route (other than the two female names) and now I wish I’d gone for the comedy.  Not that I could compete!

Gotta love 8 for reppin’ the towel, but my favs are 2, 3, 4.

I’ll vote the straight, sappy line: 4

I gotta say #6 and #7.
All of them were great guys.  Good Job!

#7 made me laugh, but I’m gonna have to vote for #8, just for the towel!

I think my favorite is #4—but it doesn’t mention Gary once!

OMG, these stories are all wonderful!! It was really hard to pick just one. But, we must do what we must do..so my vote had to go to #8.  I totally got the Vanza references.  Jayne Ann Krentz/Amanda Quick is one of my favorite authors.  But my second vote (do we get second votes??) has to go to #7. 
Ih lhaughed mhy bhutt ohff!
Great job everyone!!

I liked #10.

#5 would have had my vote but for the gratuitous qualifier “African” on the abbatoirs.  Yeah, it’s satire and some folks will no doubt tell me to lighten up, but are African abbatoirs really any nastier or more off-putting than a good old American slaughterhouse?  I don’t think so.

#4 as emotional favorite.
#7 b/c you gotta love the brotherhood.
#8 for the towel! 
And #1 for the English degree!  Whee!

#7.  Because of the h-ification.

These were hilarious!  If I have to pick one though, I’m going with #6, though I’m in awe of how many references #8 fits in.

I vote for #7, but #5 is a close second. #1 made me choke. In a good way.

Number 6 is Fabulous

Number 2, closely followed by 7!  And may I just say how hard it is to read these and really pay attention when you’ve got an impatient 9 year old sitting 4 feet away, nagging you for his turn on the computer???

Someone pass the duct tape!

My vote is for #10. They were all great, though!

My vote is #10, but I have to give mad props to #8...or, as it’s otherwise known, Eihght.  It Rhocked!

Oh mhy ghod!  I meant number sheven...not eihght.  My bad, homie-ghs.

My vote goes for #7 for two reasons:
1. It made me laugh so hard I almost choked
2. The last line. Priceless!

I’m gonna go with 7.  All were great though.

All were fabulous.  But my vote goes for Gheary in #7.  :)

All are fabulous.  #3 is damn funny, and ferrets *are* hot… but I’m gonna have to go with #1.  Mwah.

#1, although #4 was precious.

I laughed out loud at some of these, especially 7.  I love a good Ward parody.  The ferret stuff is also brilliant.

I would vote for 4, because it was wow, kind of touching, but I didn’t see enough “Gary” in it.

Numbher 7. Absolutely #7.

i vote #2!

Omigod, mad props for the shout-out in #6 to the virgin Connie Swail.

These were hilarious.

7, hands down.

Nhumber Sevhen. The “ability to speak homie like a pro” was where I lost it. And mad props to Shari, No. 8, for the Douglas Adams shout-out.

I’m going with #4 - for truly showing all of Gary’s good qualities :)

But the other entries - dear God there’s peppermint tea all over my keyboard.

Oh, God! The chortling is going to be the death of me.

That said...hm. I love #10...and I think #1 is somehow both sweet and knee-slappingly funny. So...#1 for me.

I mean, “Then we done sex”? BRILLIANT.

Voting for #4. It’s wonderful.

I loved all of them but I’m voting #6. Couldn’t stop laughing.

My vote is for #7 - the last line just tipped it over the edge!
However, #2 and #4 were also awesome efforts… Well done ladies!

Oh man. I’m torn between #1 and #4. Both amazing…

Oh, this is awesome! They’re all really good, but since I have to vote for one… #4 is really sweet, but just for the extra h’s and the awesome Ward parody, I have to go with #7.

spam-word: more33

Yes, more please!

These are all really great, but I have to go with number 6. Of course, that may be my dental bills talking ...

Oh, man, I really thought I’d have trouble picking just one - until I read #8.  Then I knew.  It would always be #8 for me.

They were all fantastic, though!

#2! Because I want to know what happens next…

I’m in between 4 and 7..... I’ll vote for 4. It made me smile.

Number 6 - hilarious.

Honorable mentions to 5,7 and 9.

#2 makes me want to go buy the book.

#7 made me laugh up a lung.

#5 has it “going on” on so many levels.

All the entries were wonderful. *closes eyes and throws a spitball* #7 gets the vote but #2 and #5 get HUGE props as runner-ups!

Number 6!

#10, #10! Dead twin sister for the win!

Number 6! “Who knew her leathery neck would be his Waterloo?” That line is going to give me random giggles for the next week or so......

It was awfully hard to pick just one.  I’m amazed at the number of romance references in each entry, it’s great fun picking them all out.

I’m going to have to go with #7. I ROFLMAO’d.

I vote for #7 but props to #8 for the Pratchett reference…

It has to be no.8 the geek in me won’t allow it to be anything else.
word truth17 so so so true.

OMG, so funny. What lovely stories to relax to after a cranky day at work.

So…

I like #2 for the Sarah and Candy reference; #5 for the ferret reference, and #7 fhor the Whard rheference...I’m leaning toward #7 but after much giggling, I’ll go for #2. I mean, shout out to Candy AND Sarah!

#3, wonderfully unexpected.

#7, without a doubt. That cracked me up!

4 goes right to the heart, 5 is the anti-hero’s choice, and 7 made me laugh, but 8 had the towel. And 10 had a hero in glasses, my secret weakness.  How the hell do I choose?

*rereads them all*

I need a hero.  He’s got to be strong and he’s got to be sure and he’s got to be fresh from the fight . . .

8.  Because it’s the one that I want to rush out and buy.

I have to weigh in to defend myself for the “gratuitous” African abbatoir (I wrote no. 5). That was actually meant as an homage to David Sedaris, who is one of the funniest writers ever; he describes his s.o. Hugh’s fifth grade field trip to an Ethiopian slaughterhouse in “Remembering My Childhood on the Continent of Africa,” which is in his book Me Talk Pretty One Day. Although the story is hilarious, the description is enough to turn anyone into a vegetarian (and these are fifth grade kids watching a pig killed execution-style).

And now since I’m here anyway I’ll cast a vote for no. 2.

These were great! I’m torn bet 1 and 10, but I’ll go with 10 because the notion of Greek Tycoons and secret babies just cracks me up, and I love the line “Flexible, compact, American sin.”

I loved number 10, although 9 and 2 were hilarious.  I’m probably in the minority for not liking number 7 at all.  *scurries off*

#7
Can’t type. laughing too hard!

I’m voting for #3, it’s still making me laugh.  And #10 is totally the runner-up.

10.  “Ferrets are hot.” and “Flexible, compact, American sin.” just did me in. 

Honorable mentions to 6 and 7.

I vote for #2

#8 totaly rocked the literary melting pot with some very whitty if almost obscure referances. I counted no less than 8. I wish I had an M41A!

I’m torn between 1 and 7, largely because of their final lines.  That’s just the kind of mood I’m in.

Since #8 has already gotten props for the towel, I have to say I’m voting for it for the reference to Mrs. Cosmopolite.

(Everybody go read Thief of Time by Terry Pratchett...)

It was a tough decision, but I have to go with #10—“Flexible, compact, American sin” for the win.

I’m voting for no. 4.  I love a tender story and would love to read ‘the book’.

Number 2, 6 (take that Charlotte!) and 10 were great, too! :)

oh wow, some serious talent out there in the bitchery.  I loved them all.  But I almost peed my pants reading number 7.  That last line just put it over the top. *snort*

Ladies, all your entries all fabulous! And on such a deadline!

Sarah, Candy, I really think you need three awards. One for the entry that we want to know more about. Another for the funniest entry. A last for the best mention of a ferret.

#1 was good, but for the last sentence. For me, the punchline was the next to last sentence.

I liked #s 2 and 4 because I wanted to know what was going to happen next.

I snorted after reading #s 6, 7, and 8 (one word: towel).

The ferret award (for me) goes to #5

But I must only choose three: So,

#1: Entry 2
#2: Entry 6
#3: Entry 5

Lauds to you all.

Totally voting for #7.

“The ability to speak homie like a pro?” I had to do one of those painful silent belly laughs in order to avoid waking my roommate!

results83--I can’t wait to see the results of this contest!

#6 made me pee my pants.

Number 5 gets my vote. A+++, would LOL again.

All the entries were awesome.

1 and 7 made me LOL for realsies!

I haven’t laughed so much in ages! My vote goes to number 7 with 6 in second place.

I’m not sure who should win but I’d love to hear #8 (Shari’s) current list of books she’s read. (-: I think we’ve got a lot in common, at least from the allusions.

7, followed by 5 and 10. 

Trying not to laugh at work sucks.

Number 4

1 wins. 7 second. Honorable mention for 8 because of clever references to some of my fave authors. LMAO many times.

You all ROCK.

“Finally, a woman who knew the importance of always having your towel.”

Indeed.

My second-favorite line was:

“...which had an ironic effect on Gary’s pants”

Ironic Pants Effect...hmm...gotta go register that one.  You never know when the time is right to form a rock group.

Number 3 with number 8 close behind.

Number 7!

But I thought all of them were great.

I also vote for #3 & #8!  When I got to the 97 year-old mother, I did a spit-take...and #8 is a fabulous use of the heroine who goes from complete innocent to total badass for not explicable reason...other than the fact that the hero shows up. 

But kudos to you all - I had a helluva time deciding which ones were my favorite!

wow, these were all pretty magical and done on such tight time constraints, i can only imagine what would show up if you guys had a whole week

loved loved loved #2, #4, and #10.

nicely done, everyone!

Have to go with #8 for the Buffy reference. However, all of the entries were great.

I totally cast my vote for #2, I wanted to find out more.  That and the shout-out to Candy and Sarah made it rock more.  My runner-up was definitely #8.  You got ridiculously long names and the vibrating biker ducky.  You can’t go wrong!

Spam-word: deep88

Oh yes, please!

Number 5 for me. I’m a sucker for endangered species.

Can someone explain the towel reference to me?  I’m so ashamed, I have NO CLUE what that goes with.

PlzKThxBai

Number seven for me. I LOVED it! Runners up: one and four.

Oh, wait, I forgot number six. I mean, seriously, Waterloo!?! Fucking brilliant.

# 3 and # 7