Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

You have some ‘splainin’ to do…
Oh, Ricky.

Memo to self: Do not drink coffee (or anything else) while visiting the Smart Bitches. Thanks for the laughs, ladies.
Those are actually book covers? Man, I’m gonna feel sooo boring when I next look at my TBR mountain!

Ropacabana-She’s a man baby!

The pasted-on head indicates some sort of science-fictional body-parts-swapping maguffin. I think the screwball comedy smiling is because they used the guy’s high school graduation photo circa 1982.

Yikes, that is some hideous stuff.

More like Trannycabanny!

Seems he’s compensating not with that sword but with leg hair aaall the way up.  Yikes.

ahahahaha!  Proof that Poser 6 (with free downloads from Daz!) in the wrong hands leads to hilarity.

Are my eyes screwy or is that black mold growing on his chestal area?

The soda I just snorted through my nose burns . . .  these dudes’ bodies look like Egyptian sculptures: stiff, too angular, and made of stone.

The guy in the first one looks like he’s totally disinterested and/or checking her for head lice.

But I seriously want to be a part of a couple as happy as the kids in #3. I wish every romance cover featured grins as carefree and unironic as this one; I was be so happy all the time, prancing in the meadows with my sword-wielding sweetie.

Wasn’t the cover of The Dark One taken from a recent RobotChicken clip?
If it wasn’t, they better get on it, cuz that would be heeelarious.

Kim - OMG I thought the exact same thing!  It doesn’t even look like chest hair, just some weird black fungus that is taking over his body...and he looks darn happy about it too!

Semi-snarky but mostly serious question: Are those even real people? They look like Sims. Is it an online publisher? Are they trying to save money by computer-generating the most ridiculous covers ever? What the holy hell, Batman?

Sarah - double points and a gold star for the reference to Strong Bad’s ‘Property of Ones’.

Happy Leather-anniversary, Bitches!

The Ropacabana chick isn’t a poser.  It’s Cher.  Really.  Which, I guess, does make it a poser.

The Dark One’s body is turning in way too many different directions at once.  I suspect it’s because a good portion of his broadsword’s wicked quillon has sunk halfway into his muscular cheek--enough to make anybody squirm eight ways from Sunday.

*gets Jenns’s memo too late*
*mops up desk AGAIN*
*also sends memo to self*
*vows to find a real artist if she ever self-publishes*

Leather - the gift that gives again… Happy Anniversary, Bitches! May we all be here for the gold!

raspberry_wench:  The characters are made with a program called Poser (here at wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poser)

It’s a shame because the art *can* be amazing. (ex: http://www.e-frontier.com/imagecatalogue/customimageview/723/?sbss=504)

As we see here, it can also be a train wreck.

I want to know how the Dark One can possibly support such giant man-titty on such scrawny calves....

vw: eyes48

my eyes, my eyes, they burn…

Thanks d for posting the link to smithmicro site. I had no idea it could be done so well.

Happy Anny.
“The evles are dress in leather and the angels are in chains” -Spinal Tap.

The art major in me cries horrifically everytime I see these CGIcovers.
And everything else cringes from the horror.

Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl, with yellow feathers in her hair, and a dress cut up to there

Barry Manilow.

Well Im not the worlds most physical guy but when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine

Kinks.

Oh, God.  I defy anyone to tell me that these covers actually *sell* these books and do not, in fact, drive away potential readers in blind terror.

My first thought when I saw The Dark One, even before reading anything, was, “They look like the cover of a workout video from the eighties!”

Proof that Poser 6 (with free downloads from Daz!) in the wrong hands leads to hilarity.

You want a real mix of funny and atrocity tourism, try Googling for Poser porn… D:

Thanks Smart Bitches and commenters for comic relief after a hellishly surreal week at work.

Don’t ask.  You really don’t want to know.

Changeling seems to take some sort of sick pride in their horrific covers.  I can’t even visit their site, it’s the epub equivalent of waterboarding.

Has anyone read The Dark One? Because I’m really, really tempted. I think Katie’s absolutely right about cover three.

Ha!  As soon as I saw “leather” and “cover snark” I moved the liquids I was consuming out of reach.

Now that I’ve seen them (and didn’t ruin another keyboard), I think I’ll swap my Jasmine Pearl (that’s a tea, you pervs, not a vibrating toy!) for a cold one.

Sims, always when there’s CGI covers, somebody has to compare them to Sims.  Well *my* Sims are way-way-WAY hotter than any of these horrors.

#1. OMG his pants are made of the same stuff they package sausages in.

#3. What to say, it’s really awful in a strangely appealing way.

Any bitch who doesn’t follow Darlene’s example upon seeing the Cover Snark label, deserves the pain of snorting beverages and sticky computer parts.

Holly sweet potato. On Number 3 - The Dark One - is, or is not, that the same man who appeared in a diaper in the October 23rd post on a book cover titled The Essence of Magic? His face photoshoped onto conan’s body?

and by holly i mean holy