Ahoy, mateys! The embarrassment of riches plundered from a Google search for “erotic romance” is not nearly exhausted yet, oh no! Brace yourselves, ye crew of the good ship Holy Shit What The Fuck, and man the eyewash stations.
Sarah: Ah, one of the seven signs of retirement for an aging CG erotica cover model: when your vahooey is so stretched out that fire departments park their hook & ladder trucks in it.
Candy: Gives a compelling new visual variant to the old “like throwing a pencil down the Holland Tunnel” comparison, doesn’t it?
Candy: Every time I look at this cover, the smooth jazz starts playing, and then you find out that the woman is actually this guy’s long-lost sister and they’ve been engaging in accidental incest for the last three seasons of the show, and all of this came to light only because their mother woke up out of a 10-year coma. Man, the things they do for sweeps week.
Sarah: Behold the powers of my divination! This man is not thinking about sex. Or secrets. He’s thinking about basketball, specifically as to whether he can use her head to shoot 3’s.
Sarah: She walks, a hooker in the night,
the moon a torso in the skies.
with floating handcuffs to her right
and methamphetamine in her eyes.
Candy: OK, goddammit, Sarah wins this one. There’s no way I can match that.
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