Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Lilith Saintcrow, fearless and wise, sent ol’ Tony an email through the address on his website Anthony Catanzaro.com. Her original email alerted him that someone might be impersonating him on this here site:

Are you aware that someone claiming to be you is issuing death threats on the popular romance-reviewing blog http://www.smartbitchestrashybooks.com? In case you’ve missed it, someone claiming to be you has threatened to close two bloggers in the trunk of a car. Additionally, someone claiming to be your wife is issuing threats and silly statements that don’t reflect well on you.

I’m sure you might be angry at the original post mocking your recent appearance on a television show, but that’s beside the point and it has brought your name to the attention of a lot of romance readers who pay for books you might be on the cover of. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that kind of publicity is priceless.

I hope this is a misunderstanding and that you don’t know someone is trying to make you look bad by acting like a lunatic. The romance community may seem big, but a bad reputation for issuing cranky death threats won’t go unnoticed. I’m interested in hearing your side of the story, as a romance author and reader, and look forward to hearing from you.

That Lilith, she ain’t no dummy. While I was busy talking to all the different manifestations of Kathryn Falk, Lilith was going after the dish on whether it was Tony (and Tina!) who posted on our site. If it wasn’t, that poor man has some damage control to start spinning.

For the record, the comments originated from the same IP, 65.209.5.50, from Tina’s original post to Tony’s more intimate, alluring statement regarding his Caddy and the Belt Parkway.

Here’s the answer Lilith got from Tony’s email:

Lilith,

Thank you for you email..That was definitely not me who left a blog on this site your talking about..I barley have time to breath lately.... I have been so busy I don’t even have time to respond to important emails.. I’m on my way to LA to star on a new reality show for VH1 so thank you for bringing this to my attention..I have millions of fans all over the world so I can understand how someone might have wanted to defend me.

Nice to meet you by the way!
God bless Always!
Anthony Catanzaro

The IP address in the header to the email: “Received: from unknown (HELO pre-smtp23-02.prod.mesa1.secureserver.net) ([64.202.166.53])”

It’s not the same IP address, though the server one surfs from and the server one emails from could be different, I am thinking - though someone with more advanced technical knowledge would have to give me the straight up on that.

Aside from finding yet another person who doesn’t know the terminology of blogs vs. comments (people: you visit a blog and leave a comment. You don’t “leave a blog” on a site. SHEESH.), have we found yet another person who is actually two people? Was it Tony or was it an imposter? Did the real Tony leave the comment and a different person respond to the email? Or was it both?!

On one hand, all the comments from Tina and Tony came from the same IP, so it could be the same troll. Not that I understand the mind of a troll, but it doesn’t make sense for there to be repeated visitors getting their panties in a twist about our mocking a YouTube clip, when let’s face it, we’ve been amply harsh about other topics and haven’t attracted a troll yet. And I try to hold on to the rapidly-dissolving hope that people really REALLY aren’t that dumb as to shoot themselves in the foot repeatedly and publicly, despite recent evidence to the contrary.

Plus, Candy did say she’d heard that Tina was emailing authors whose books were adorned with Tony’s mantitty regarding our harsh and evil behavior. So who knows?

Meanwhile, this weekend I will be searching out my evil twin, just to see what she’s been up to. I think she runs some site about Sweet Ponies and Fluffy Bunnies. 

It’s Friday Friday Friday, with bonus Personal Ads!

You know the deal: give me the hero’s name for this one, plus the author and the title of the book, and you get a Smart Bitch Title™ for your very own, with inclusion in the Smart Bitch Peerage.

FTW

Tall, hot, and handsome man bent on embracing gender stereotypes about jocks and businessmen seeks caring, cautious, and courageous woman to help me grow up, stop looking at superficiality, and learn to get juuuust a bit over myself. Must love football, travel, cabins, camping, and overgrown children disguised as professional sports players. In return, I promise, we could… go… all… the… way.

I received an email today from the aol address that was given to me by a Romantic Times receptionist as the best way to reach Kathryn Falk. The email had a subject line: “cell phone for kathryn falk is 111-555-1212.”

There was no text to the email, so I did what any normal person would do. I called the number. Ok, first I talked to Candy, and THEN I called the number. When Ms. Falk returned my message, I spoke with her about the recent message attributed to her by several varying sources.

I asked her if she posted the long comment on Scott’s site, or if it was someone posing as her:

It was both. I’m so not into that, and someone hacks into my computer from here. Some of the words were definitely from my lectures, but I don’t ever do blogs. I’m not in the industry. I know people are upset but I don’t go on the blogs. That’s not something I’m involved in.

She went on to discuss some of her other projects involving wheelchair accessible cabins, veteran support, soldier support, and work with other charities.

And behold, there was some seriously messed up photoshopping and verily did Sarah seriously consider the need for protective undergarments. Holy crap are some of these funny.

Below, the entries for the Smart Bitch Onomatopoeia Contest. Please email your votes to Sarah AND Candy by midnight, PDT, May 9, 2007. One vote per person, please.

And now, on with the “entirely not safe for work omg cover the innocent eyes of your babies” contest entries:

Tony Catanzaro’s wife (at least, we assume so - we have no concrete proof) returns to our site with a helpful message in response to the threat her husband posted yesterday:

Amy in my husbands defense he did NOT direct this message to you or anyone else that didnt trash him.  It was directed to the few who have on these messages. He is a good man and he was very upset when he read this blog.

To the women that did not talk crap about him....this was not geared toward you. When people make fun and insult other people, especially people that they dont know, that hurts… I’m sure no one else would like it.

Ma’am, let me address you directly and publicly. First, your husband’s behavior, if indeed it was him, is not excused by either his offers to pray for us, or your defense that someone “trashed” him. Good men, to my definition, do NOT threaten perfect strangers or state that they plan to throw people in the trunk of their cars and toss us off the Belt Parkway. Good men don’t hurl insults, and they don’t throw tantrums.

Your husband, to put it bluntly, made a public ass of himself, and you’re not helping in the least. It would be my pleasure to contact the police department, his manager and agent, and my attorney, to discuss his threats further.

For the Love of God. Shut Up. 

Our schadenfreude-o-meters are pegged solidly in the red today, dear readers. Perhaps it’s spring fever, perhaps it’s the pollen in the air, but people sure are acting like they need big, heaping servings of clue cake, and perhaps some valium. For a stellar example, look no further than Karen Scott’s blog, where somebody alleging to be Kathryn Falk, CEO of Romantic Times magazine, posted a long (and we do mean looooong) diatribe against All Meanies in the Blogosphere (or whatever the hell those kids are calling it these days).

Some choice bits:

I have heard from several people on your post who are saddened by what they read today. One person mentioned has offered her resignation. Another is contemplating suicide. Is that what you intended for your blog? Do you want this on your conscience?

To most of us who devote our lives to publishing, romance is uplifting and increases joyfulness. These intensely negative and vituperative postings make our role so much harder and—most important, cause booksellers and others to doubt their own dedication.

Anyone who thinks this kind of dialogue on a blog is valuable is truly sick in the heart and the head.

And, even better:

The blog in question that you posted, bashing one or more publishers and authors, is detrimental to the principles of romance. If you have influence, please spend your time helping our romance community. People are sensitive and a string of suicides is not what is needed.

We here at Smart Bitches have a lot to say about this. Of COURSE we do.

Our covers are exceptionally hideous and mildly non-work-safe today, so you will find them below the fold.

As always, click on at your own risk. Fools.

Update!

Tony’s wife (or somebody alleging to be Tony’s wife) has responded with another comment defending Tony’s words. Clicky-click here to read her pearls of wisdom. This is really reassuring to all the people reading this thread, I’m sure. Only the catty bitches need fear becoming All That Junk, All that Junk Inside that Trunk (of Tony’s). You non-catty bitches have nothing to worry about! That is, until you SET TONY OFF.

* * * * * * * * *

Ladies, please, take a moment to read the comment below that’s allegedly from Tony Catanzaro, cover model and abmaster, and subject of a thread discussing his recent appearance on The Big Idea.

Posted by: Tony Catanzaro
Email:
URL:
Location:

This is Tony Catanzaro!

To you “ladies” and I use the term loosely, who have nothing better to do than to trash people they dont even know, probably all look like fat disgusting hairy looking men! You are desperate and pathetic bitches that NEVER get laid and need to hide behind their computer to trash others because they cannot hack it in the real world!

People that have nothing better to do with their lives than to live on the computer and talk shit about people who actually have a life are the biggest, pathetic, degenerate losers on the face of this earth!

Its a real shame when people are so miserable in their own lives, that they have no heart nor compassion for others. Beauty begins on the inside, and you bitches dont know the first thing about what life is all about!

I would love nothing more than to throw you bitches in the trunk of my caddy and dump you in the weeds somewhere off the Belt Pkwy! But instead, I will pray for you.

When you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, you see a pile of shit which is yourself!

I can already smell your skin burning from the hell that awaits you!

The IP address logged for this comment originated in Kentucky, and was the same as that logged for comments allegedly written by “Tina” who identified herself as his wife.

Given the dulcet and peaceful tone of this comment, I’d advise members of the bitchery to make sure the batteries in the stun gun are brand spankin’ new, and to have a Swiffer in reach to distract him should he come looking for any of us after he prays over our hairy-looking selves.

Candy and I are very dismayed that our secret is out: our hairy balls should have been more securely tucked in, but they are so massive, and so hairy. And, as Candy says, “Man, my favorite part is definitely how he disguises his so-barely-veiled-it’s-not-even-dressed-in-a-peekaboo-negligee threat with Instead, I’ll pray for you, YOU DISGUSTING HAIRY DEEP FRIED MEN. Also, dig how we’re “hairy looking,” and not actually hairy. I don’t know about you, Sarah, but I spend hours and hours every morning meticulously drawing extra hair onto my armpits, legs, chest, ass and back.”

Yes, it’s true. I have to go to the store and buy a new fine-point Sharpie marker. My drawn-on moustache is really starting to fade.

So, as a public service announcement, should you see a Caddy in Brooklyn with a really pissed of pair of Smart Bitches in the trunk, call the police. Or the paparazzi. Candy also suggests that somebody should find the poor guy more work so he has something better to do than demonstrating his lack of a forebrain to the public-at-large yet again.

Lilith Saintcrow sent us bitches the image below and dared us to post it. And we’re not ones to back down from a dare, are we?

This is a good reminder that romance novel covers aren’t the only ones to abuse unsuspecting animals on a regular basis.

(Warning: image not particularly work-safe, though there’s no actual nudity.)