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FridayVideos!

by SB Sarah Friday, August 31, 2007 at 11:58 AM

A love story - but not entirely worksafe, so it’s below the fold. Have a great weekend - and if you’re in the States, enjoy the holiday! We’ll see if Labor Day actually applies to me this year!

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InterviewwithAngelaJames,ExecutiveEditorofSamhainPublishing

by SB Sarah Friday, August 31, 2007 at 07:00 AM

We’re talking a lot about ePubs lately, so when I heard back from Angela James from Samhain Publishing with the answers to my interview questions, I thought - woo! I’d originally asked to pester her with questions following the RWA conference and the discussion as to publisher recognition, but even now, as Samhain’s name is still brought up as a legit and rather fabulous ePub, I welcome the chance to learn more about the ePub business and Samhain specifically.

Now, can I be honest with you, here? You know, just between you and me? I’ve heard so many conflicting stories about what goes on behind the scenes at various ePubs, big and small, that prior to going to RWA I was of a mind that on the whole they weren’t really professional organizations. Rumors of weird financial shenanigans and bizarre rules like joining author loops and requiring participation for continued publication? Hrm. I was a little wary of the entire concept, even as I read and enjoyed greatly more than a few eBooks, AND met some very intelligent and skilled writers of eBooks through discussions on this here site. I admit, I had a rather goofy prejudice.

However, meeting Angela at RWA spanked my prejudice, called it “Charles,” took charge and sent it elsewhere. I was totally wrong about my preconceptions that painted all ePubs with the same brush, as James is nothing but professional (and a lot of fun) and also, did I mention her eyes glow red when she’s angry? I have a picture of that somewhere in my RWA collection. But I won’t post it. You might get hurt.

Glowing red eyes aside, her answers gave me a good schooling on the inner workings of Samhain and ePubbing.

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SoundsLikeaMovie

by SB Sarah Friday, August 31, 2007 at 04:30 AM

Nathalie Gray forwarded me the following link this morning: Chinese kung fu monks seek apology for ninja affront. Seems an internet user (those gnarly, horrible internet users!) posted that a single Japanese ninja beat several Shaolin monks from the Shaolin Temple in Henan, and the monks, they are pissed.

Now, longstanding cultural rivalries aside, why in the world would you want to piss off an entire temple full of Shaolin kung fu masters? Doesn’t that seem like it should be #2 on the “List of Very Bad Ideas?”

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Categories: But...that's not really about romance novels

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AReader’sManifesto

by SB Sarah Thursday, August 30, 2007 at 11:51 AM

From the school of “slap one hand to raise the other,” we have a thought provoking article from The Atlantic, emailed to me by Bitchery reader Deb, on the nature of “literary fiction.”

I was nodding and giving a chorus of, “Uh huh, sing it, yup, I’m so with you,” as the author lined up the sad differences between what is considered genre fiction and literary fiction:

Today any accessible, fast-moving story written in unaffected prose is deemed to be “genre fiction"—at best an excellent “read” or a “page turner,” but never literature with a capital L. An author with a track record of blockbusters may find the publication of a new work treated like a pop-culture event, but most “genre” novels are lucky to get an inch in the back pages of The New York Times Book Review.

Everything written in self-conscious, writerly prose, on the other hand, is now considered to be “literary fiction"—not necessarily good literary fiction, mind you, but always worthier of respectful attention than even the best-written thriller or romance....

The dualism of literary versus genre has all but routed the old trinity of highbrow, middlebrow, and lowbrow, which was always invoked tongue-in-cheek anyway. Writers who would once have been called middlebrow are now assigned, depending solely on their degree of verbal affectation, to either the literary or the genre camp. David Guterson is thus granted Serious Writer status for having buried a murder mystery under sonorous tautologies (Snow Falling on Cedars, 1994), while Stephen King, whose Bag of Bones (1998) is a more intellectual but less pretentious novel, is still considered to be just a very talented genre storyteller.

But when he starts flailing away at Proulx, Guterson, and others, I felt a little bad for them. Proulx, for example, gets a mighty spanking, and while I know what he’s talking about, and for the reasons he outlines I don’t enjoy her writing, damn, he done beat that horse for a good two hours. Then he moves on to McCarthy.

Nothing makes me snicker like seeing people prick holes in the self-inflated, self-important opinion some people have of the quality of their reading material, especially when Myers writes of Guterson and other writers, “it more important to sound literary than to make sense.” But then, few things make me twitch more than folks who take themselves too seriously, and certainly this is an examination of what is held in serious, lauded regard.

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MardiGras:NotQuiteAParty

by SB Sarah Thursday, August 30, 2007 at 04:12 AM

Jane broke the news at DA that Mardi Gras Publishing was going belly up in yet-another e-pub bankruptcy.

While as of June of this year, Mardi Gras publishing folks were defending the fort the indication now seems that they’ll be filing for bankruptcy, though their site shows no indication of that. (Warning: MUSIC on site).

But then, anonymous Bitchery author sent me this link: Katrina Strauss, author and media contact for Aphrodite’s Apples tells tales of thievery and plagiarism when her book seemed to have been “heavily borrowed from” after she sent it for review to a joint list between AA and MGP. Anonymous author also has suspicions of similarities between a book she wrote and a MG book, though there wasn’t enough evidence to do much besides ponder and feel sick inside.

Now these are some big honking accusations, but I’m curious - anyone else hear rumors of nefarious deeds in the Mardi Gras business practice? While bankruptcy doesn’t allow those authors who believe they’ve been plagiarized much recourse, there seems to be a sense of ‘at last now I can say something.’ Pity they couldn’t say something earlier. But plagiarism, as we’ve discussed, can be terribly difficult to prove, not to mention highly isolating and unpleasant. 

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AdvisoriesonRomanceNovels

by SB Sarah Wednesday, August 29, 2007 at 05:37 AM

I got my most recent RWR in the mail the other day, and since my entire job as a giant pregnant lady is to relax, gain weight, and sit around waiting, I read it cover to cover. Usually I skim it, check out the contest winners, look at the articles and who wrote them, and read a piece here or there. But hey, I sit down now, and I don’t move voluntarily for at least an hour, so bring on the reading material.

And hello, page 4’s Letters to the Editor! I laughed out loud. Did anyone else notice this one?

Madeline Baker, she doesn’t like the cussing:

I continue to be shocked by the language in some romance novels I’m reading. It’s unfortunate that more and more authors feel the need to use the “F word” in their books, but even worse, the word “Motherf...” has cropped up in two of my recent reads. It’s bad enough when language like this is uttered by the villain, but when it comes out of the mouth of the heroine… well, I’m just plain stunned. Surely it’s possible to write a gutsy heroine without having her talk like a gang member.

Here are a few choices of response that pop to mind:

1. Bitch, please.

2. Racist and classist undertones aside, I’m as offended by books titled Cheyenne Surrender as you are by the word “fuck.”

3. Fuck that!

4. Gang members? Only gang members say “fuck?” Seriously?

Perhaps the problem is the reading material she’s choosing, which she addresses in her letter:

Lately I’ve read several books that have ‘paranormal romance’ on the spine. In my opinion, a good number of them haven’t been romances at all, and that includes the one I threw across the room just last night....

Demons and vampires and werewolves, especially the ones that want to kill you, will totally stop if you speak nicely and say, “Please.”

I doubt if it will ever happen, but I’d like to see some kind of rating on books so that I’ll know what I’m getting before it’s too late.

Now that there, THAT is an IDEA. Why did we think of that?! We here at the Smart Bitch HQ, we got us some Photoshop. There need to be warnings on books!

Our advisories, let us show you them:

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RoundUpmyInbox

by SB Sarah Wednesday, August 29, 2007 at 04:52 AM

Itemme The Firste, thank you to everyone who purchased stuff at Amazon using our referral link. We get commission, which we turn right around and pass back to you in the form of gift certificates as prizes, so thank you for a really kickass quarter that will let us keep on giving the Amazon goodness.

And to the person who bought “Desire’s Blossom,” I hope it was everything you wanted! And more!

Itemme the Seconde: Darlene Marshall sent me LOLScience - which absolutely cracked me up. Especially the “serious rift zone” one. HA! 

Do not be dissin’ my current. 

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CoverMakeovers:JohannaLindsey

by Candy Tuesday, August 28, 2007 at 06:11 AM

A little while ago, Bookslut ran a very entertaining feature on children’s book covers featuring wizards, complete with various makeovers. I figured we here at Smart Bitch Central could shamelessly rip off this idea pay homage to this idea and talk about some of the classics of our genre and how their covers have evolved. First up on the chopping block: that doyenne of hearts and savages and thunder and savagely thundering hearts, Johanna Lindsey. For extra bonus funtimes, swap around the titles and covers. Hell, swap around the individual words! They’re astonishingly interchangeable. Brave the Wild Rogue! A Heart so Savage! Gentle Thunder!

Savage Thunder

This cover, perhaps more than any other, is THE classic Lindsey cover. It has that red-haired chick in a mildly creepy supplicant pose, suggesting that Humjobs Are Imminent--or maybe that crotches will be bashed with fatal force against foreheads. Difficult to tell sometimes. It has some kind of random animal freaking the fuck out in the background. And it has Fabio. Wearing Uggs. With hair dyed black--presumably because that makes him look Indian--and flowing in the wind, except in this case, the wind seems to be coming from below and directly behind him. A thundering savage, indeed. I read this bookwhen I was seventeen years old, and to be honest, I can’t remember a goddamn thing about it other than the sex-on-a-horse scene (she wakes up! On horseback! And she’s coming like a rocket! And then they have crazy screaming balls-out sex on a galloping horsie!) and the cover. Hey, I was a horny teenager. What the hell do you expect me to find most memorable about a Johanna Lindsey novel?

And the re-make? Let’s take a look, shall we?

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What the hell? From Little Blowjob on the Prairie to Little House on the Prairie. Surreal. Also, deeply deceptive of its contents. Much as the previous cover makes me cringe, it at least accurately conveyed what you found within. That cover smacks you on the face and proudly proclaims “Feisty redhead heroine alert! You’ll probably want to smack the shit out of her before the book is over! Lots of sweaty, dirty, OMGHOT sex! Indian dude with massive chip on his shoulder! There will be lots of yelling, both when they argue and when they screw like horny, horny weasels!”

The new cover says, rather sedately, “I am a family saga. There are two sisters. And lots of descriptions of the brutal winters. One of them marries a preacher who turns out to be an alcoholic. The other one--the plain one--injures her leg, loses her faith in God, and finds her faith again when she adopts a starving urchin.”

This cover’s much less embarrassing to cart around, but I gotta say, I kinda prefer the old one.

A Heart So Wild

Ahhh, the When Vampire Cowboys Go Gay cover. So much love. So much gauntness.  So much inexplicable posturing--I mean, tango is sexy and all, but why in the fuck are they practicing right by a roaring campfire? One of the classic conundrums of our time.

We go from that bit of pulp camp to:

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Ah, yes. I remember this phase of Johanna Lindsey covers. For a while, all her reissues had these huge, lurid flowers on them, and then they were plain with the occasional paint splatter in the background--I like to think of them as the half-assed Jackson Pollock phase of Lindsey covers. They were by and large inoffensive, but also boring as hell, though if I remember correctly, these often had mantitty-licious stepbacks. If I had to choose, I’d say this one makes me less embarrassed to cart around in public, but this isn’t by any means a good cover.

Brave the Wild Wind

If there’s one thing you can learn from this cover, it’s that you can stick two hot, mostly-naked people in a raging torrent of radioactive goo, and it STILL won’t make it sexy. Years from now, the woman’s going to be popping out two-headed kittens and children with their organs on the outside of their bodies, and she’ll be sobbing with regret into her oatmeal. Why did she take that modelling job in college? Why? Whyyyyy?

We go from that piece of strangeness to:

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Holy bloated pink horsies, Batman! That horse is straight from a “Where Are They Now” special on My Little Pony. After the Saturday Morning cartoon series, after the insane merchandising, after the mobs of adoring girls, obscurity hit Chocolate Stallion hard. He developed a nasty coke habit, was forced to get a bleach job, and started posing on romance novel covers. How the mighty have fallen.

This re-issue manages to be both more discreet AND more hilarious than the old one. That takes talent.

Gentle Rogue
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The cover change for this book is perhaps one of the most whiplash-inducing re-work of all time. But as with all things, you can basically categorize it using a LOLCat dichotomy.

That up there? Visible Buttsecks.

The new cover?

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Invisible Buttsecks.

That’s all for now. Stay tuned for next week, when we take on Catherine Coulter. Try not to pee yourself with anticipation.

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Categories: Covers Gone Wild! (Non-Snoop Dogg Edition)

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Memoriam

by SB Sarah Tuesday, August 28, 2007 at 03:59 AM

Several readers have forwarded me an announcement from the Coffeetime Yahoo Group that cover model Rob Ashton passed away on August 26, 2007.

Rob Ashton was a Zebra cover model for many years, and was a Mr. Romance Cover Model in 1996.

Mr. Ashton was most notable here at SBTB for being the model for “White Wind,” which you can also see on the “Book Covers” section of his personal site.

He also appeared on the covers of:

You Belong to My Heart - Nan Ryan
Prince of Shadows - Susan Krinard
Love’s Legacy - Various
Captivated - Colleen Corbet
Merlin’s Legacy - Daughter of Fire - Quinn Tayler Evans
White Wind - Susan Edwards
Across a Moonlit Sea - Marsha Canham
Stardust of Yesterday - Lynn Kurland

Our condolences go out to Mr. Ashton’s friends and family.

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BookTrailers:AQ&AWithJackieKessler,ToniMcGeeCausey,andColleenGleason

by SB Sarah Monday, August 27, 2007 at 06:45 AM

I started emailing back and forth with Jackie Kessler, who contacted me about her new book trailer for her new book, The Road to Hell, which you can see at her website.

The first book commercial I can remember from the past few years of tv watching (and I don’t watch a lot of tv and even then I skip commercials) was for a Patterson book where he held the book next to his head and said, ‘Buy my book, Cat & Mouse.’ It was totally creepy and didn’t give me any intention of buying his book. I know that a good number of mega-releases have tv commercials, but trailers are an online phenomenon as far as I can tell. And with trailers, in every instance, if I wanted to go see one, I’ve had to go look for it.

I have to admit: I do not entirely understand the book trailer phenomenon. I get that it’s an audio-visual promo for the book, and I get that they are The Hot New Thing, after mixing black and navy for this fall’s hottest new look (another thing I don’t get, by the way) but I don’t quite understand the WHY of book trailers, and more specifically, the HOW. How do authors get them done? Why? What’s the goal? What’s up with that? And WHO decided black looked good with blue!? I look like a bruise if I mix navy and black.

While Jackie couldn’t answer my fashion questions, she did give me a whole mess ‘o insight into the process and purpose of a book trailer. Plus she steered me to two other book-trailer mavens, Colleen Gleason and Toni McGee Causey, who were kind enough to also answer my questions. And dang, did I have some questions.

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TheLongRideHome

by SB Sarah Monday, August 27, 2007 at 03:01 AM

My friend RBelle sent me this article on commuting while reading, and while I don’t commute by train, I can relate to the author and to the comments. Well, some of them. I ignored the comments about romance novels. I can promise you, unless the cover is truly egregious, I’m reading a romance during my commute.

My commute in and out of Manhattan is about an hour to an hour and ten minutes. That’s not bad for the area, though I’m sure some of you are gasping in horror. I drive to a public parking lot, catch an express bus into New York City, then take the subway three stops to my place o’ business. I don’t often read on the subway because it has happened that I get so absorbed in a book that I end up in Queens. I introduced myself to Gayle Wilson this way: “One of your books was so suspenseful I didn’t look up until I was on Long Island. I was a half hour late to work!”

I carry an iPod for drowning out the loud cell phone talkers (and every time there is one, I wish I had a scrambler to interrupt their oh-so- not-important-but-so-loud conversation) and I keep my cellphone charged in case I finish my book and need to read the internet. But for the bus ride I HAVE to have something to read, unless I’m nauseated from the motion, and that 40 minutes or so is incredibly important to my mental state. The 40 minutes in the morning and evening that I read transition me out of work life to home life, and are my prime reading time and my prime recharging time. 

Those of you who read and commute, what are you reading? What’s your favorite type of reading material - if not romance? A good number of the comments on that NY Times blog cite the New Yorker, and some of them name drop like they’re getting paid to mention famous dead authors. I’d love to hear what you read while you commute - you guys are a lot more interesting. 

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Don’tHasselmyHubby

by SB Sarah Sunday, August 26, 2007 at 07:06 PM

It’s bedtime, and I have to ask Hubby to stop reading his copy of Don’t Hassel the Hoff

Hubby: “You do not get to give me shit about this because (a) this is a signed copy YOU GAVE ME and (b) YOU wanted me to read this.”

Sarah: “So how is it?”

Hubby: “It’s enjoyably bad.”

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SpankableCovers

by SB Sarah Friday, August 24, 2007 at 11:57 PM

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Sarah:  Dreamy is right. In his dreams, certainly, is his little weaver that big. Unless the name of the author is some indication of geography. Then, well, never mind. I can’t smack on Jersey boys. We’re trying to keep the secret about the mullet-length-to-tapestry-length-ratio a secret from the rest of the country.

Candy: At first glance, I thought there was a freaking CROCODILE HEAD emerging from that dude’s crotch. And I was all, WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF MERRY GENTRY BULLSHIT IS THIS? Then I realized it wasn’t a croc (ain’t she a beauuuuty?) so much as the, uh, log they love to float on. Covered in tapestry. Man, those are some swank freaking crocodiles.

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Sarah: I don’t think his hair is real. She’s very real, from the planet known in English as “What’s the Opposite of Jaundice” but him? That’s a wig. And shame on him for mugging some nice lady of her sheitel.

Candy: Looking at the hair alone, I almost expect him to burst into song about how he’s Helga the waitress, the waitress with the very long armpit hair.

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Sarah: I cannot vouch for the relative spankability, but come on now, people. Don’t jerk me around. That ass is NOT BIG. You need big ass? I show you big ass. I got one right here!

Candy: Bitch please! This chick’s biceps are bigger than her ass. What the hell is this shit? You advertise Big, Spankable Asses, they better be Sir Mix-A-Lot grade, or I’m going to have to cut a bitch.