Emdee gave me a heads up as to today’s Dear Abby, wherein the discussion of romance novels continues in response to last September’s letter from a concerned mom whose daughter was reading romance.
Abby received many a reply from current authors, including Bitchery member P.C. Cast, who all told Abby that her perception that romance is about unequal power structures between the protagonists is a bit outdated. Author Kate Douglas did mention that her romances are “‘sexual fantasies’ containing graphic descriptions’ but her reply seems to have been couched in a caution that parents should be aware of what their kids are reading – though that doesn’t preclude them from reading romance.
Several readers wrote in to defend their love of the romance, as well. My favorite is “Never Promiscuous, Always a Feminist” who said, “I was normal, curious and shy around boys—but nonetheless longed for romance and adventure. Those books were “spicy,” but they filled that niche without any risk to my physical health or reputation. I lived vicariously through them and avoided getting into “real life” trouble because of it!”
When we first wrote about the original Dear Abby letter, I asked for recommendations for heroines who were strong, independent, and self-relient heroes.
This time I have to ask: if you were giving a young woman curious about romance her first experience with the genre, what book would you offer?
I have mixed feelings about recommmending any book to someone so far beyond my level of life experience. When I was thirteen I read romance novels for the fantasy, the escapism, and yeah, the sex. It was safe and harmless and not up for the ridicule and monday morning heckling of a real life tryst behind the bleachers (teenagers can be such assholes). To a degree I guess I still read for the fantasy and escapism, but my requirements to fulfill them are a bit deeper.
Also, at thirteen, and even beyond for a few years, life was a series of intense absolutes. Nothing as namby pamby as shades of grey or walking a mile in someone elses shoes before judging.
I’d prolly just let him or her read whatever the hell they want and trust that my overall ethics and morals—that I’ve been trying (sometimes despairing) to instill in said child—at some point stick and produce a well rounded human being. I don’t think a novel will make or break those efforts.
X
This topic is something I think about a lot. I started reading romance at a young age and have had no adverse side affects. In fact I have a few books already put away for my three year old that I plan to give her in her teen years. I even keep my hymen intact well after high school. Which is more then I can say for most of my non-reading classmates. . The main problem I think most parents would have with the genre is the premarital sex. Well for that I always go back to my historicals. There are so many where the marriage takes place at the beginning of the book. If you still have a problem with your teen reading this then you might as well as take her aside and tell her “sex is bad and dirty and wrong for you to think aboutâ€. I’m not saying give her a dirty book and a hand full of condoms and say go for it. But if your raise them into self-confident little adults, at that point I would hope a good head on her shoulders would go a long way.
The book that pops into my head is Stephanie Laurens “Four in Handâ€. I’m by far not a fan of her other books. But this one is very sweet. Defiantly a good read for a 15 year old.
I would probably recommend the Quinns trilogy by Nora Roberts. It’s not that I think any particular age group to the genre would especially take to it. That series, for me, represents everything that is good and wonderful and awesome and incredible about romance books. Even with the heavy abuse stuff.
my youngest teen is 16 and she pretty much reads what she wants now.she likes movies like the crow, underworld etc so she likes the vampire genre in romances and spooky books like sixth sense.
my older one when she was 13/14 had grown up reading the little house on the prairie books, so her romance choices tended to lean towards books set in the 1800s, western romances etc.
the first book my foster daughter read when she was 14 was knight in shining armour ..jude deveroux..she loved it. she was an abused child and she loved getting lost in fantasy/time travel novels.
i say if you can get a teen out from in front of the tv / computer/video games to read ANYTHING, you’re accomplishing a lot.
forgot to add..
my dd that liked little house books, LOVED the “for the roses” series by…(brain freeze…) sandra brown??? and i would have no problem with a 13/14 year old reading those books.
casey, i read harlequins from age 12 and kept my hymen intact to! (although i think its growing back now that i’m in my 40s and single LOL)
Well, my mother raised me on Georgette Heyer and Jane Austen, but then I jumped to her Mills&Boon on my own. Now…well, I think the Nora Roberts suggestion is good. I’d probably add the “…In Fire” series as well. Julia Quinn, maybe. Amanda Quick, but I haven’t read her new stuff. Jayne Ann Krentz. I grew up with Elizabeth Lowell’s “Only…” series that I adored. This is all very heavy on the historicals, for some reason. But then, my son is reading probably three grades above his grade level right now and my mother gave me Ayn Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged” when I was twelve. So whatever works for you.
FWIW, and not to offend anyone or start any flame wars, but there’s this research suggesting that getting your child away from the TV is an imperative, not just a lifestyle choice.
For the Roses is Julie Garwood, and I loved that one, too. Especially how they practice a different religion every day for dinner prayers.
I seldom comment, but I will here. I’d rather have my teen niece reading romance than things like then IT GIRL or GOSSIP GIRLS books. Talk about pre-marital sex; with drugs; with your boarding school teacher…
I’d start them with some Victoria Holts, and maybe some Eloisa James for older teens. Until I was 16 or so I skimmed over the ‘embarrassing’ bits.
Speaking for the “disposed of hymen well before high school graduation” crowd, I can say with perfect confidence that the Barbara Cartlands and Betty Neels I read in my early teens had nothing to do my slightly later ventures into sexual activity. By that time, I was reading Stephen King, Shirley Jackson, and Dean Koontz.
If I recall correctly, they didn’t have much to do with it either.
I’ve just spent the last week analyzing Tony Scott’s The Hunger and re-reading Jane Eyre in between times, so I’m not certain what kind of answer I could give here that wouldn’t make some reference to deception, insanity, or vampiric lesbian erotica.
Personally I started off with those super-tame teen romances that just end up with a lot of kissing and absolutely no touching below the neck. I can’t quite remember the series name, but it was mid-to-late 90s and had some kind of bright pink logo in the corner of the cover and I always had to spend a good twenty minutes getting up the nerve to ask the sonsy librarian to check out a stack of fifteen of these for me to devour during the school week behind my math textbook.
Ever notice that violence seems more acceptable to read or watch on TV then reading or watching stuff that is more sexual?
Janet Jacksons breast caused more trouble then some of the horrid things shown on crime dramas.
Would anyone comment about a teenager reading a horror book where people are getting dismembered and worse? But a book that might even vaguely describe a ‘member’ being used causes trouble.
As I have boys I doubt they will be reading romances. (Not that they couldn’t) If I had a daughter I would have to think about what level of sexuality I would want her to be exposed to and at what age.
Myself i was reading explicit novels at age 13. I am ok. I certainly would prefer her reading about it then doing it until she meets her real life hero. (hopefully when she is 21 or older. LOL)
I am thinking 13-16 for the vague references (more romance then sex). 16+ for the rest.
julie garwood..yes! thank you sarah
i hate those menapausal brain freezes. i get more each day lol
Y’know, I haven’t got daughters (and won’t—I cry for an hour when I stub my toe, I can’t imagine trying to get through childbirth with sanity intact!) but I do have a neice who’s 11. If she were to come to me for recommendations, which isn’t likely, because can you say Tomboy? but if she did, I’d probably start her on some of Jayne Ann Krentz’ sci-fi books, Robin D. Owens, and the ilk.
She knows the mechanics of sex already (she’s got a younger brother, you know) so I’m confident she could handle it, even though her eyes might roll right out of her head in exhasperation. I can hear her inner monologue already—“They’re doing it *again*! They just did it three pages ago!” But I think she’d enjoy those books because they’re interesting beyond the nookie, they’re sci-fi/fantasy based (which is what she reads now anyway) and they’re just really good stories.
She’s very sophisticated for 11, so I have faith in her that she’d just ask about anything that confused or upset her.
Darling, why are we recommending romance novels, precisely? Other than the fact that this is the Romance Novel Blog?
Because I credit my adolescent obsession with Georgette Heyer to infecting me with a lifelong set of Unrealistic Expectations, as well as a deeply regrettable preoccupation with Bad Boys. Fay Weldon agrees with me, incidentally.
No, dears, I would recommend feeding your daughters a healthy dose of Robin McKinley, Jane Austen, and Dickens, or, preferably, letting her Roam Free in the public library. The trashy stuff generally is kept at a minimum, being a poor long-term investment.
My parents never controlled what I read, but I came from one of those families where it was not uncommon to have everone at the dinner table with an open book next to their plate. I remember being in the 6th grade and having my teacher bugging me to finish reading _Shogun_ because he wanted to borrow it. I was also reading a lot of Wilbur Smith that year, so I think my mother was kind of relieved when I hit puberty and got an interest in romances!
I would also recommend a Nora Roberts/JD Robb book to a new romance reader of any age. They cover a wide range of sub-genres and differ widely in the level of sex, violence and ‘adult concepts’, so there’s something for everyone. The most important thing (about a NR) is that you know the hero will never be an abusive asshole, the heroine will always have at least half a brain; she’ll always be an active participant in her own life and she’ll never have a victim mentality. To me, those underlying values are WAY more important than the level of sex/violence/adult concepts in a book.
I’d probably recommend an historical. Sara Donati’s Into the Wilderness series would be my pick.
I think, as with recommending a book to any individual, a lot depends on the young woman to whom one is doing the recommending. The better you know them and their tastes, the more likely you are to get it ‘right’. I don’t think just one book would do it either, if the young woman had not read any romantic fiction before. Also, if said young woman was anything like me, being told ‘read this, it’s great’ would only encourage her to read something else. (Still does, to some extent, if the ‘read this, it’s great’ is said in person – not really a problem when a book is recommended online…but I’m just strange that way.)
I think I’d fill a box with a wide selection of M&Bs, a lot of Quick, some Krentz, a few Austens, most of Garwood’s UK set historicals, Katie Macalister’s vampire and dragon books and Jane Eyre, and say ‘come back and talk to me when you’ve got through this lot’.
On the issue of sexual explicitness, again, a lot depends on the young lady you’re recommending the book to. My parents never really monitored my reading, or banned me from reading anything, and I read a lot of Judith Krantz and Jilly Cooper when I was twelve* (at the same time as reading everything by Garwood or Quick I could get my hands on). I don’t remember being shocked or appalled or disturbed or corrupted by the expletive-laden explicitness in Krantz’s books (and / or the lesbianism in a few of them), or the adultery, bed-hopping, and a school girl shagging her boyfriend’s father in Cooper’s The Man Who Made Husbands Jealous. Nine years on though, I wouldn’t recommend either Krantz or Cooper to anyone – the books feel quite dated now, and aren’t that well written.
At the end of the day, if a young woman finds anything ‘embarssing’ to read, she can always skim it the way Lucia above said she used to. In any case, I don’t think that reading about sex as a young teen (or even just before, as in my case) has as large an influence on promiscuity or losing one’s virginity as other factors, including (but hardly limited to): peer pressure, upbringing/parental attitudes, any religious beliefs, peer pressure, media other than romantic fiction (movies, music, telly, magazines), influence of older brothers/sisters, peer pressure, etc. … even things as having the opportunity to do/be so, and someone that one wishes to have sex with! Reading about two (or more) people having sex does not inevitably mean the reader will go out and act out what they have read, any more than reading horror (esp Stephen King) leads to people attempting to kill their spouses with an axe, or the school bullies, or than reading Dick Franics makes people become amateur jockeys or detectives. Just because you read something doesn’t mean you’re going to go do it. I may really enjoy reading Janet Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum and Kathy Reich’s Tempe Brennan novels, but you couldn’t pay me to be a bounty hunter or a forensic anthropologist, not in a million years.
(* I’m 21 now, and still a virgin.)
I don’t have any recommendations, but I have to say that I was hoping that the Dear Abby column would be mentioned, because I thought there was something a bit weird about it.
The last leter refers to the writer coming home from school and telling her mother her classmates were reading a “terrible” book (her quote marks), and her mother saying they should read it together and discuss it. Now, if I should ever reproduce, and my child says “My classmates are reading a terrible book,” my response (after making sure it’s just popular and not an assignment) would probably be “Well, if you think it’s a bad book, read something else and don’t worry about what the rest of them are reading.” Who calls a book terrible if she wants to read it?
The only way that sentence makes sense at all in my mind is if she meant “My classmates are reading a book that has a bad reputation.”
Ooops. My mistake: that was the last letter printed in my paper, but it isn’t in the online edition.
I’m flattered some posters would recommend my books to young girls. Thanks for that.
My parents never told me what or what not to read. I was lucky to grow up in a home full of books as both my parents and my four older brothers were all avid readers. So there were all sorts of books. I read across the board then, and still do. I can say that reading Romance or romantic novels didn’t give me unrealistic expectations in men, nor cause me to rush out and lose my hymaninity. I didn’t run out and start investigating crimes after feeding on Nancy Drew or Agatha Cristie—or The Hardy Boys—either.
A parent should know his or her child well enough to understand what’s appropriate—and should be realistic enough to know that said child will find a way to read whatever she likes anyway.
As for the question why are we recommending Romance novels, darling, I’d say it’s not only because this is a Romance Novel site, but that the column under discussion is about Romance novels.
I read Dickens and Austen, too—as I was allowed free range in the library. Romances may or may not be the same sort of long-term investment (time will tell), but they can certainly offer a good, entertaining and well written story that celebrates love. Personally, I find that very worthy of respect.
Estelle, it is in the online edition that SB sarah linked to.
And I agree with what you said – who calls a book terrible if they want to read it?
As far as recommendations, it would really depend on how young the girl was. When I was a teenager I read the young adult books put out by Silhouette and Harlequin. And of course, Sweet Valley High. If books like these were still around, that’s probably what I’d recommend. My niece is 14, but has no interest in romance novels. She’s into the scary or paranormal types of things so I couldn’t even cheat and recommend what she’s reading.
Awesome post SB Sarah!! I’m currently in library school and interning with a young adult librarian and we come across this frequently. Depending on what information I can glean from the teen and/or her parents, I’ve reccommended everything from Gossip Girls, Judy Blume, Nora Roberts, Julia Quinn, Robin McKinley, and Tamora Pierce. All of whom are strong female authors who feature proactive female role models.
I also wanted to respond to the idea that young girls use romance novels as a way to safely explore desire. This is my thesis topic and I’d love to hear more responses from readers. In that vein, I’ve included a link to a wonderful article written by a young adult librarian on this exact topic. It’s thought-provoking and definitely a “hot button” issue—perfect for Bitchery Readers! http://my.simmons.edu/gslis/docs/il/05-06/06-67_il.pdf
Cheers!
I read romance novels starting in my mid teens. Yes, we all giggled about the sexy parts, but they never gave me “unrealistic” expectations,” just high ones. I wanted love and commitment and monogamy and happy endings.
I have to say my # 1 source of explicit novels is and was the Public Library. They have had all the romance novels of all levels of erotic detail.
If you are concerned about what your children are reading I wouldn’t let them roam wild in the public library. The only way you will know what they are reading is if you read it too.
Y’all have no idea how long I have been giggling at Nora Roberts’ use of the term “hymaninity.”
Seriously. Might be my favorite new word.
I guess I’d go with Key of Knowledge (Nora Roberts) or Day of Fire (Kathleen Nance). What can I say, I like the fantasy/near future sci-fi stuff. Personally I got started on the Amanda Quick regency novels. I hardly think they hurt me any; I was a chemist for some years and am now in med-school. Believe me, all those extra adjectives learned have been a great help 😉
Emily, the novels you were reading sound a lot like the Sweet Valley High novels that I read in the mid to late 90’s. I would take up a hug stack of them but mix in some “educational” books so the librarian didn’t think that those books were all I read. BTW; I read romance novels from age 12 up, and I think I turned out ok. Still waiting for my hero though…
Apparently I can’t type, either. I meant to say it wasn’t last in the online edition. But I’m happy to see I wasn’t completely crazy for wondering if that’s how she really phrased it to get that response.
As far as trying to come up with an actual answer to the question… I’m mostly having a hard time finding perspective because I can’t think of getting recommendations for books at all when I was a young teenager. I just went into the bookstore and got whatever struck my fancy, from The Divine Comedy to Marion Zimmer Bradley to Dave Barry. I guess I agree that without knowing the kid, I can’t know her tastes and what to recommend. She might even be the sort of teenager who wants to read about teenagers, in which case I’d have nothing. I gave that up around Babysitter’s Club book 100. To say nothing of how few Romance-first books I’ve read myself: most of my collection falls closer to Fantasy-with-sex.
I liked Anne Maxwell’s (er, Elizabeth Lowell’s?) Dancer series, they were very light on the romance end, but there was a really sweet tense relationship between the main characters and a lot of fun action. And they’re set in space, I always wanted more good sci-fi romance as a teen. I guess I was kind of a geek.
My first romance was some horrible historical with many abductions and borderline-rape by the hero. It kinda squicked me out when I was 12.
Man, was I surprised to see my name in the Abby column. Huh. I wish she’d quoted me when I talked about strong heroines and empowering women, though. I sent her my Goddess Summoning Books – and I’ll bet I was just one of MANY romance authors who sent lovely packages of books to her.
As to recommended reads for teenagers: I still teach full time at a high school, so I see what my kids are reading on a daily basis, especially as I make every Friday novel day where they read an outside book all hour. I make constant recommendations to them, too. I do ask if they’re allowed to watch R rated movies before I point them in certain directions. But teenagers are as varied as we are. Depends on the kid. I can tell you that lots of 16-ish boys start reading romances when they realize there’s sex in them thar hills! One skinny kinda ADD boy in my 1st hour wouldn’t read anything till I handed him a JD Robb (got him hooked by pointing out the “naked” in the titles). Kids are going crazy for cutting edge paranormal YA – Stephanie Meyers is Big Time right now. Basically, I ask non-readerin teenagers what kind of stuff they watch when they go to the movies, then I go from there with recommendations.
I read everything from a very young age. Actually got “in trouble” in 8th grade English because I was reading Love Story. Teacher freaked. My mom told her to leave me alone. I let my daughter read whatever when she was a kid, but I did read “whatever” along with her and discussed with her, and now she’s 20 and in college and co-authoring a paranormal YA series for St. Martin’s with me. Guess it didn’t mess her up too much…
It’s Stephenie Meyer. I’m reading New Moon right now, you’d think I’d get the spelling of her name right. Jeesh.
Sorry, Sarah, I’d have to do a thorough RA interview before I recommended a book for another person. It’s the librarian in me 😀
I will say that, for myself, I was a very militant “no sex before marriage” teen. At least in regards to myself. Whatever the hell my classmates wanted to do was their own damn decision. As such, I fell in love with Signet Regencies because they were more “grown up” than the YA romances I’d read up until that point, fit within my moral choice of alluded to sex only if married, and were in no way preachy as I wasn’t a religious person by any means. I loved Charlotte Louise Dolan and Barbara Allister (damn, was “The Frustrated Bridegroom” HAWT!). Honor’s Way by Katherine Kingsley did my romantic suspense loving heart good. The taped up copy of Kasey Michael’s “The Wagered Miss Winslow” will forever have a place on my keeper shelf. Not only because I bought the same damn copy twice from my UBS. There was love and adventure, and sometimes a little bit of lust, between those covers. But they fit me at the time. Everyone has authors that turned them on to the genre. Maybe my sometime in the future daughter will find one of my old favorites lying around and read it. More than anything, I hope to raise my children to be confident readers and comfortable enough in their relationship with me to ask me questions about what they’ve read. I still remember the look on my Sophomore year English teacher’s face when I told her what word I need the dictionary for…libido.
I think I read my first romance novel when I was 7. My family was not big on reading. In fact my grandmother constantly told me it was a waste of time and would call me lazy every time she caught me reading. She thought I’d be better off cleaning something. One of my aunts had a stash of Harlequin Historicals and I started of sneaking into those. Later a friend of my aunts gave me a huge box full of books, half of which were romances, mostly historical. A lot of them were not age appropriate for me, but that didn’t really bother me. I don’t think it gave me unrealistic expectations, but that’s mostly because I figured they weren’t aiming for realism. It did however contribute to me waiting until I found the right guy to have my first experience with, wich was at the age of 22, and it gave me a vocabulary that made every English teacher I ever had love me.
Emily—I think you’re talking about Love Stories, packaged by 17th Street and published by Bantam. The most recent one I can find in a cursory look online is from 2001.
I think you had those Unrealistic Expectations as a result of upbringing, not books. Either that, or it’s just your nature to be a naive little romantic (who grows up to be a cynic to protect the soft heart.) I don’t believe you can pick it up at random out of a book.
I know, because I have the same damn set of UE but I didn’t start reading romance until I was 27 or 28. Myself, I blame Walt Disney and that mentally deficient Snow White bint. ;-P
I’m 33, and still waiting for that damn Prince Charming. Although I’m hoping he’s not wearing the same shade of coral lipgloss the one in the movie was wearing. Coral is *so* not my color!
I have been an avid reader since elementary school. I remember getting excited by the Box Car Kids (does anyone remember that series?)and one of my english teachers read us A Wrinkle in Time in fourth grade. Wow!
I think my first romance was Danielle Steele’s Palamino. It was a contemporary but I got hooked on romance. My early Historical favorites were Julie Garwood, Kathleen Woodiwiss and Cathleen Coulter. I still prefer reading to watching tv and my mother still laughs about always having my nose in a book. As a parent, I want my kids to love reading like I do. So if my daughter wants to read romance, great! She’s reading!
Another great topic!
I remember finding a pile of Candelight Ecstasy Romances (who could forget a series title like that?) while on a raid of my older sister’s bookshelves … I must have been about 8. At that age, I was more curious about the sex than the romance element – and I did get some pretty weird notions about both, I can tell you, being that this was the 80s and all the heroes had huge big ‘taches or beards, while most of the heroines were virgins (do you think there could be a correlation?).
Anyway, my mother found my stash and while she wasn’t thrilled, she didn’t actually forbid me to read them – in her mind, banning books was only a short step from burning them. What she did do was bring me back a copy of The Scarlet Pimpernel from the library. Talk about romance with a capital Rrrrr – I lapped it up. Later she introduced me to Mary Stewart’s books – which I still think rank among the best romantic suspense ever. I don’t think you can ever go wrong with this approach – encouraging a young person to read widely in the genre and to read material you think is well written. And I would recommend Mary Stewart to anyone looking for a book to give a young reader – there’s no sex but plenty of romance. My teenage sister devoured them when she reached 13 or so. Oh, and as she also pointed out to me (and this is what made MS really cool in her eyes) Meg Cabot lists Mary Stewart as one of her favourite authors.
~Mary Stewart’s books – which I still think rank among the best romantic suspense ever.~
I’m a huge fan—own everything she’s written. Brilliant blending of elements, lovely use of language, great stories and characters. And I adore her Authorian work. Jewels.
Well, hell. I didn’t read a romance novel until I was in my 30s. And I was a total slut in my 20s. For the record, I was a voracious reader, even while being one of “those” girls. So, uh, what does that do to the bell curve? 🙂