Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Sarah: I prophecy that in the Dragon/Human Three-Legged Race at this year’s Otherworldy Ren Faire, that man will fall down on his ass, and the dragon, having placed a bet against their team, will win enough to buy a biiiig roasting pit so as to cook his little human friend for dinner. Because damn, those thighs have a LOT of meat.

Candy: Dragon sodomy. DRAGON SODOMY. Oh fuck. The humanity.

And you know why his legs are so well-developed. I mean, c’mon. This guy’s equipment wouldn’t be nearly big enough to satisfy the needs of Draco, here.

Sarah: A man called Lust. An artist called Sucky. And a cover called Damn Hell That is Creepy as All Get Out.

I mean, what can be said about a Man called Lust that hasn’t been said already? The white hair, the dark eyebrows, the vacant, disturbed expression… the pants conveniently unbuttoned for easy access to Lust’s Lusty Lingam? It’s all just too much. I have to go lie down.

Candy: No, Sarah, don’t lie down! That’s exactly what he wants you to do! IT’S A TRAP!

Sarah: Apparently, she did a very tanned Jim Carrey SIM.

And I know what she didn’t do last summer - get a freaking haircut. 

Candy: Hmmm. The guy (and I use the term “guy” loosely, since he’s only vaguely human-ish) reminds me more of Willem Dafoe.

And I know who she did last summer, too. And so do the Dallas Cowboys. I’m just sayin’.

Sarah: I probably should be asking, “Is this a play on the word “seal?” Are they selkies? Is this a neat selkie sex novel I’d like?

But instead, my brain is too busy asking, “Is that a pair of dudes? Or chicks? I mean, the man-titty indicates SIMman, but the shapely waist indicates SIMFemme. The musculature of the stomach seems to indicate male, but then, the hair? The expression, the defined waist and flared hips?

What is this, an androgynous selkie novel? And why is the dude on the left humping that rock, anyway?

Candy: Wow. Somebody was really indulging in their Elijah Wood (man-titty edition) hard-on when creating this cover. Hey, speaking of fucking the rock--did you notice that the twin humps look vaguely like buttocks? The ugly truth is revealed: the selkies, they love to make Cave Troll snuff porn. Fucking selkies.