If you’re like me, you’ve noticed a huge surge in the amount of nonsense subject line spam appearing in your inbox. Here at the Smart Bitch Headquarters, I started getting some slighty risque subject lines, such as “smell some telepathic pouch” and “buy go charter worker.” After I picked myself up off the floor laughing at the idea of telepathic pouch, I realized, what a gold mine it was for any burgeoning writers in the Bitchery – specifically, those lusty souls who write back cover copy!
We all know the back cover copy – you skim it quickly because you know the writer of the book itself had nothing to do with it, and you hope to glean at least a clue as to what the actual book is about, knowing that the back cover copy and the content could in fact be less related than Candy and I.
And much like we have learned not to judge a book by its cover, which I call the Danelle Harmon Rule, we have learned not to judge a book by its cover copy either.
So we hereby challenge our erudite and creative Bitchery to craft us some back cover copy, using the random and odd spam subject lines that have appeared in my inbox in the last few weeks as inspiration. We give you the phrase, you come up with a florid, cover-copy-esque synopsis of what the book is about. Feel free to end with a rhetorical question as so many Zebras are wont to do (e.g. Will his hanging erudition come between them, or will love conquer all?)
The Rules
1. You must craft a back cover copy of no more than 250 words that includes the specific words of or is clearly inspired by one of the Spam Subject Lines in the list.
2. You may title your mythical book whatever you please, but you must make sure to tell us which Spam Subject Line inspired your creativity.
3. Please, respect the word limit. 250 words.
4. You must email your entry to Sarah and Candy by Wednesday, December 21. Bitchery Voting will take place for one week, and winners shall be announced the following week.
The Prize!
The writer whose entry receives the most votes will win
– a Smart Bitche Title!
– a snazzy Amazon gift certificate, for purchasing your own books, complete with inane cover copy
– a choice of CHEAPE VIA-GRA or CI_AL_IS. Just kidding!
And without further ado, here is the list of Spam Subject Lines!
Smell some telepathic pouch
go buy charter worker
be talk of shining daemon
bi murphy crucifixion
Brad Pitt always had one
dewdrop on nanette breed
sofia in hedonism
get laid tonight mountaineer
Glen Mcintyre pilate
Get Slotoole on skulk
in fall hes codling
morgue oubilette
look rich pancake
thinking is sewage
savage be abstinent on damnation
Woops. Started one and didn’t email. Bad on me. Just couldn’t get past, like 168 words…ludicrous…
Robin