Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Candice is working on a paper “considering the elements of romanticism, eroticism and feminine arousal in the modern romance novel” and seeks a book from the wayback machine to help out her literary analysis:

I think it was a Harlequin Mills and Boon from about 10-sih years ago. The hero is a cowboy - fully maladjusted when it comes to relationships. I think he was an orphan and was raised by an aunt and uncle - uncle slapped him around I think. Umm… heroine is his wife who left him because he was so cold. They have children - twins, a boy and girl. Hero wants his family back but can’t bring himself to “love” anyone because of his childhood.

At some point the children get the chicken pox. The hero, feeling all rejected, barricades himself (literally) in his house - also with the chicken pox - and the heroine has to crawl through a window to get to him. And they all live happily ever after.

Reminds me of those parents who schedule play dates with children who have chicken pox to ensure that their kids get it as well, only with more romance. Anyone recognize this book?

To the members of the RWA Down Under - have a great conference! I hope it goes splendidly! 

I know a few people, including myself, who want to be in Australia right now. Not only was there that whole RWA (Aussie) conference that just ended, but certain people from certain publishers are running around Oz having a grand old time (even though it’s winter there, oy!) and have I mentioned enough how much I love Australia and New Zealand? I might even learn to appreciate the salty strangeness that is vegemite.

Aussies and Kiwis are some lovely people. Having worked with scores of them in summer camps over the years, I can tell you, if you want to have a mad crush on a nationality, Aussies and Kiwis are the way to go. They’re gregariously friendly, and, if sweeping generalizations could be made (which they are round these parts like damn and howdy), they have a sort of beach mentality. Relax. Go outside. Have a beer. While Americans (sweeping generalization ahoy!) are inveterate workaholics, Aussies and Kiwis seem, from my faraway viewpoint, to be much more laid back, and gosh how I envy that. I’m not cut out to be a workaholic.

The other thing I love about the lands down under, particularly at this moment Australia, is the entire showbag concept. You go to a show or a fair, like the Royal Easter Show or the Royal Melbourne Show, and there’s show bags you can buy. Kind of like the baddest of the badass party favors, only you buy them. Different vendors put together bags for folks to purchase, from dude-centered magazines to something called the Bertie Beetle showbag. This September, at the Royal Melbourne Show, the Grand Ridge brewery will be selling a $10,000 “showbag” packed with beer and beef.

(Special note to Spoetzl Brewery: please sell showbag filled with Shiner Bock in New Jersey. Preferably at the Meadowlands, because I can drive there and pick up all my beer. xoxoxo, Sarah)

Also appearing at the Royal Melbourne? The same showbag that filled my heart with great chest-hair laden joy: the Hoff Bag. Filled with a t-shirt, wig, mug, fluffy dice, beer cozy (known in Oz as a stubby cooler), headband, wristband, air freshener, bottle opener, necklace, ring, all in a red cloth bag, the Hoff Bag is a piece of wonderment that will keep folks talking for years. Particularly the air freshener. That part nearly made Hubby fall off his chair giggling.

Thanks to two wonderful Australians, I have something SO cool, I’m not sure what to do with it. I have TWO Hoff bags. TWO. All that Hoffin’, just for me. From faraway Australia, the Hoff and his bag o’ booty arrived in Jersey, tempting me with the headband action and the fine beer cozy. Well, the beer cozy was easy to resist. I can’t buy Shiner in Jersey.

Now I have to figure out what to do with these here bags of Hoff. Who wants a small piece of Australia and a furry piece of Hoff? Who can resist the possibilities of The Hoff Bag? What shall I do to award these majestic bags of Hoff? Any ideas?

I mean, Hoff wig, y’all. HOFF WIG.

Given the time difference this might have already happened, but Australia’s ABC will feature a program (Sorry - programme?) on 6 October at 10am with Ramona Koval looking at how romance novels have changed since the first world war:

We delve into the world of square jaws and ripped bodices and ask how romance writing has changed over the years. How different are romance titles of the 21st century from those published during the First World War for instance?

BZZZZT! Personal Foul! Five yard penalty for use of “ripped bodice!”

But I’ll be curious to hear it - so tune in Aussies, and let me know how it is? I mean, it’s not like WWI romances and 21st century romances are even nearly the same. It’s like saying New Zealand and Australia are the same.

[Thanks to Wendy Palmer for the link!]

Hot on the heels of the last Aussie convention comes the Australian Romance Readers Convention, or the ARRC. I so want to go you have no idea, but alas, Australia Fair is on the other side of the planet.

All the cool Aussie authors will be there, including Anna Campbell, Bronwyn Parry, and That Devil Cynster - sorry, Stephanie Laurens. The panel titles are a hoot too: The Aussie voice: Why the whole world loves our accent would totally be on my list.

Hope it’s awesome, folks.