Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Bitchery reader and aspiring writer Sarah (not me) writes in with a request:

I am an aspiring writer, and am working on some of my first manuscripts after years of anime fanfiction and original fantasy shorts. Most of my readers have been saying I should get published, even if I’ve never taken one creative writing course, and am finally breaking down to maybe give it a try. Most of what I write currently is almost kitchen-sink type stories, some action-adventure, some suspense, plenty of humor, deep philosophical discussions, and lots of sex and romance.

Problem is, I’ve never picked up a full-blown romance before. I’ve been a fantasy/paranormal reader for the longest time, but after getting down right pissed after reading Sara Douglass assassinating her own female characters in the Troy Game series, I gave it reading mass-market fiction of all kind . . . except the last book of Harry Potter. I’ve been working on my own stuff ever since, and want to try to get something published. Only, I don’t know if my ideas would even stand a chance of being publish since the one I’m really rooting to research and start is completely off the wall with what I know of all the books floating around out there.

So, here’s where I need the bitchery’s help.

Has anyone ever written (or read) a romance set in Medieval Japan involving ninja? That’s right, I said ninja. I asked a friend who reads a lot more than I do and whose husband actually studies ninjitsu, and neither of them has seen ninja novels outside of Japan. Are there any ancient Asian culture novels outside of the East? Historic romance maybe?

Jade Lee’s books come to my mind first, but what recommendations do you have? And would you as a reader be interested in romances set in historical Asia? 

Bitchery reader Elizabeth writes:

I’m a literature major about to graduate.  In my third year of college I A) discovered your website, and B) discovered I loved Italian history.  I wanted to go to Italy after I got out of school, but with the economy gone to crap I don’t think I’ll be going for a while, so I was hoping the Bitchery could help me visit the country vicariously with some historical romance set in my favorite boot-shaped country--or to be more precise, a book that’s set in one of the many regions of Italy before unification. 

I only managed to find one historical set in Italy (it was in Florence, I don’t remember the title) but it was disappointing, and everything else on the shelf was set in England or Scotland with a couple of France thrown in.  Searching Amazon was daunting since I’m so new the the genre and don’t know how to pick the good stuff from the bad without the book right in front of me.  I’m hoping for something well written and well researched.  I don’t have a specific era in mind (just not modern) so any recommendations would be great!

Karen McCullough sent in a video link that so amused me, I watched it twice, sent it to Hubby, and am debating about unleashing it on the entire 12 member manager roster of my rotisserie baseball league (yes, confirmed, I am a dork). Nothing is better than mixing Canadians, baseball, and Shakespeare.

“‘Tis a tale told by an umpire, fill of sound and fury, signifying one-nothing.”

A two-book review from the “And Now For Something A Little Different” department.

You know those women who are friends with scads of men but not so many women? What if one of those women was in a historical romance? What if she were a widow, free of those pesky expectations of innocence and demureness? What if she were bawdy, outrageous, and friends with absolute piles of handsome, rakish men who adored her and considered her one of their own? Who would reign her in? Other women, gossip, scandal, and the expectations of society at the time? What if she didn’t give a rat’s ass about gossip, scandal, or the expectations of society? Who needs other women, anyway?

So, couple all that setup with a depth of historical knowledge that will literally make your corset spin around on top of your head, some sharp dialogue, and settings that are original, fascinating, and located in the same historical period with which you may be familiar, but at often unexplored locations within that period, and you have Hughes’ two books.

That trifecta of historical research, clever setting, and wholly memorable characters, held competently by Hughes’ writing, is some powerful juju.

If you haven’t signed up for Tor’s subscription program, prepare ye to enter the dark side of giving away your email address to yet another person.

According to SonomaLass, this week’s free eBook is In the Garden of Iden by Kage Baker.  Sayeth the Lass, “It is the first full-length book of her fabulous Company series, an amazing mixture of science fiction and history, with elements of romance, that I can’t recommend highly enough.” The book has a Wiki page of its own, which signals to me that someone liked the book enough to spend time building a relatively worthwhile entry about it, and hey, free eBook. As Jane once said, it’s amazing the things for which I’ll give away my email address.

As I learned recently, you, or I, can say “bitch” on the radio and the FCC won’t come after you. But there are, as many fans of comedy know, seven words you can’t say. We Bitches are big fans of words you can’t say. From the mellifluous syllables of “cuntmonkey” to new and enjoyable derivatives of “shit” and “fuck,” we Bitches, we like the dirty language. I mean, come on. Our site title in and of itself is all about undermining the dominant assumptions about individual members of our lexicon. We love words, and we really, really love bad words.

So I’m sad this morning to learn that George Carlin, who was once arrested for disturbing the peace because of his routine about the “Seven Words You Can’t Say on Television,” died Sunday of heart failure at age 71. Carlin’s case following the arrest in 1972 was ultimately heard before the Supreme Court, which ruled 5-4 that “the sketch was ‘indecent but not obscene,’” which created a solid foundation for the FCC to “determine what constituted indecency on the airwaves.” The FCC’s cause against indecency continues today - just ask Eric Idle. Of the case Carlin said,

So my name is a footnote in American legal history, which I’m perversely kind of proud of,” Carlin said. “In the context of that era, it was daring.”

“It just sounds like a very self-serving kind of word. I don’t want to go around describing myself as a ‘groundbreaker’ or a ‘difference-maker’ because I’m not and I wasn’t,” he said. “But I contributed to people who were saying things that weren’t supposed to be said.”

Aside from vocabulary and decency issues, I loved Carlin’s comedy routines, particularly the one where he talks about having too much stuff. I think about that and giggle every time I try to pack up the family and it takes an act of congress to move us around, what with all the crap we carry around.

So long, sir. Thanks for cracking me up.

Back in the day (2 weeks ago) Brandi sent me a link to an article, also from back in the day (a month ago) and from the Times Online about the history of vibrators - not “personal massagers” but straight up vibrators. The money quote:

Hippocrates thought the womb wasn’t a fixed item but wandered about the body looking for trouble. At the moment of orgasm, it gripped the windpipe causing the breathless panting so familiar to watchers of When Harry Met Sally.

Can you imagine your uterus wandering about, spoiling for a fight? I’m so amused by the entire image, I’ve started doodling womb cartoons (mine, if you’re curious, has really high heels on and wears those badass stockings I can never pull off without looking like a saggy baggy elephant). 

Gay Pride Day was June 29, and thanks to Iron Lesbian #2, here’s a Schoolhouse Rock style gay US history lesson.