Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

But before the party, I remember this scene.  Legitimate son is taking heroine around in a wagon and showing her the vast plantation.  They come upon the bastard Hero.  Of course, he is shirtless and sweaty and she cant’ take her eyes off of him.  And I remember a slave being bitten by a cotton mouth snake and running and screaming toward the bastard Hero.  He, of course, saves her by cutting the snake (which was still attached) to her back ankle.  Then he explains that they are normally poisonous snakes, but the slave has such rough and thick skin on the back of her ankle - and by having that it prevents the poision from hurting her, etc.

Okay, that scene with the snake bite really has nothing to do with the plot, but it always stuck out in my mind.

Okay, at the party - Ballroom too hot (I guess) so heroine goes out for fresh air and runs into bastard overseer.  But she has no idea who he is.  He (wanting to take her virginity in order to spoil her for his brother) almost successfully seduces her.  But legitimate brother comes out and discovers them just in time.

Heroine marries legitimate son.  Even though bastard hero didn’t take her virginity, the villain legitimate son still thinks she is “used” and “dirty” because he touched her.  So, of course, he abuses her (beating her with a riding crop) for the few years they are married.

Then something happens and he disappears and she thinks he is dead.

Meanwhile, Hero bastard son has become wealthy somehow.  And (for reasons that escape me) he kidnaps the Heroine’s sister, her husband, and their children.  I guess he is using it as a ploy to get the heroine.

I don’t remember what transpires, but he gets heroine in his mansion (she doesn’t realize it is the shirtless overseer that she has been secretly dreaming about for years).  Apparently he looks different, so she doesn’t recognize him.

Anyway, I do remember she makes him vow that he will not touch her.  So in one scene he takes his riding crop and trails it up her leg and inner thigh.  She reminds him that he isn’t supposed to touch her.  Then he counters, “I’m not touching you, the riding crop is.” She angrily pushes it away, not willing to play his little game.  And, of course, the riding crop brings back terrible memories of her husband beating her with his.

At this point, she still doesn’t know they are half brothers.

Blah blah blah, they fall in love.  But the villain (legitimate son) husband isn’t dead.  He comes back somehow.  Okay, I guess they kill him.  I don’t remember.

Does any of this ring a bell with any other bitches?

Half brothers, riding crops, and hot ballrooms? That’s a giant saga of holy crap right there. Anyone know it?

1. Obvious: the library. If you have a local library, the books are free, cheezy bread, free. Head on over, get yourself a library card, and gorge on the awesomeness.

My local library participates in a rather kickin’ program called ListenNJ, in which patrons can download and check out audio books for free, with a limit of five titles for a 10 day loan period. That’s kick ASS right there.

But what if library wonderment isn’t an option? Coupons and cheaper options ahoy!

2. Obvious, Part Deux: Used Bookstores Every now and again there’s a minor kerfuffle over used bookstores, with some authors loathing them and the lost profit, and some readers who can’t reach for the $9 paperback pricepoint loving every moment of their local used store’s hours of business. I’m personally a big fan of the local used store in my area, because it’s a treasure trove of cover snark, it’s bloody huge, it’s up the road from my favorite pet supply store, and it smells like Used Books, which is about as good as New Car and New Baby smells. So if you like to own, abuse, and drop your books in the bathtub without worrying over lost dollars, used stores rock. And seriously, the cover snark potential is just awesome.

And if you don’t like #1 and #2? Damn you’re picky.

#3: Start haunting your local bookstore’s rewards program. I work near a Borders, so I’ve got a Borders Rewards account, and every now and again I get a coupon for 20% off a purchase, or an opportunity to buy three books from a selected list, and get the fourth free. For my birthday, I received a 25%-off-one-item coupon, and I’d say I get at least a coupon a month, though I don’t necessarily use them all. Borders’ program is free to join.

Barnes and Noble also has a membership club, which offers bigger discounts on every purchase, but costs $25 to join. With their membership you get 40% hardcover bestsellers, 20% adult hardcovers (rwor!), and 10% off almost everything else. There are also member email newsletters with additional discounts. Personally, I don’t buy enough hardcover books that this is worth it for me, but I did learn something clever. A book club I know of signed up for a membership by pooling $5 a person. All you need to access the membership discount is the phone number of the member who joined. So if you round up a posse and join together, you can all access the membership benefits via one phone number.

Rounding out the big box book survey, Books a Million also has a discount club, which, for $15.00 a year, offers an additional 10% off every purchase.

If big box stores are not to your liking, and you prefer your local independent, try talking to the owner or manager about your book habit and see if there’s a discount they would be willing to offer you in exchange for goods or services you might provide. That might be a longshot since everyone is tightening the fiscal belt these days, but you never know if they might need some graphic design work, a newsletter template, some help at busy times, or what.

And what about publishers? Do they feel your pain? Oh, yes. Your inability to buy as much as you like is their pain, too. So keep your eye out for #4: Publisher Specials From package deals like Harlequin’s current buy three get the fourth free deal, to the one that caught my eye at my last trip to the store: Kensington’s Zebra Debut program.

You might have noticed the books on the shelf - they retail for $3.99 or $4.99, and are marketed as “tomorrow’s bestsellers at yesterday’s prices.” Yeah, if my local gas station had a sign like that, the line would stretch into Pennsylvania.

I asked Kate Duffy all kinds of nosy questions, and she said that the program “was the brainchild of the publisher, Laurie Parkin.  It was her idea of a possible way to build a bigger audience for a brand new author.It has been very successful.  Very. Sally MacKenzie was our first debut author to hit the USA Today list with her subsequent “Naked” titles.  But for every debut author, initial print orders were increased beyond what we used to experience.”

Historicals, Duffy says, in particular are doing well in that program, and the line is exclusively for authors who have never before been published. Their first book is priced at $3.99, and the second novel is priced at $4.99.

And what’s the very, very best kind of book? See #1 - the free book. Duffy has offered up the six June, July and August releases for the Zebra Debut program, including Dark and Dangerous by Jeanne Adams, Lord Scandal by Kalen Hughes (which I reviewed and gave away copies of in May), Her One Desire by Kimberly Killion, To Wed a Highlander by Michele Sinclair, Lost in You by Alix Rickloff, and A Rake’s Guide to Pleasure by Victoria Dahl.

I’ll do a random comment drawing here to select six lucky folks who will each receive a free book - woo! So drop a comment, and if you’re so inclined, share your secret for feeding your need to read when you’re short on green (or red or blue or whatever color your currency is). Comments are open for 24 hours starting now.