Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Another Sarah, another blog, another righteous sword of cover snark brought down upon the tackiest novels in existence.

My fave? “To restore the honor of Rome and of his own family, Severus Varus left the decadent life of Rome… his only hope was to join the barbarians.”

If that were an erotica novel, he’d need Burma Sauce for those barbarians, is all I’m sayin’.

[Thanks to Linda for the link.]

It’s soon to Turkey Day here in the United States of Carbs, and we’re happy to inspire your appetite, or perhaps drive it deep into the earth to hide until Groundhog’s Day, by allowing you to view and caption the following cover. What are they saying? What are they thinking? Dear GOD won’t someone think of the children? The blank eyed, oddly staring creepy children?

Best caption as chosen by me gets a $20 gift certificate to Amazon or Powell’s, your choice. Feel free to nudge my voting by telling me which in the comments is your fave.

And now… the cover. Feast (hur) your eyes on this!

[Thanks to Sharon and many others for the link.]

From Rebecca comes this thought provoking link: a Georgian (I think) -era vampire hunting kit sold at auction for $14,850.00 in Natchez, Mississippi. It contained stakes, holy water, Bibles, mirrors, crosses and garlic.

Aside from the question as to whether Colleen Gleason is going to go see it for herself, my query is this: how in the world does 200 year old garlic look that fresh? I mean, I have some garlic that’s past its prime, and it does NOT look like that.

I sense supernatural powers at work. 

Not sure what to get your favorite author this holiday season? Sharon Buchbinder can help.

Romance: it’s in the air. Go on. Click. You’ll thank me. And Sharon. And the person who thought that up.

Enough teasing. We’re ridiculously amused by our cover, and it’s about time we showed it to you, so, you ready?

It’s a work of art, a book cover… well, really it’s visual game we call Find the Hidden Phalli with your hosts, Sarah, Candy, and Touchstone/Fireside.

The cover of the Smart Bitch Book, Beyond Heaving Bosoms: The Smart Bitches’ Guide to Romance, due out 14 April 2009, isn’t at Amazon yet (sorry folks) so this (and our email inbox) is the only place you can find it, and a few other hidden images.