Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Personal ad time, kidlets! You know the score: Give us the correct title, author and heroine’s name (YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU FORGET THE HEROINE’S NAME) and find yourself inducted into royalty. Smart Bitch royalty. ‘Cause we cool like dat.

---

SWF, brilliant botanist, looking for admission into prestigious university, NOT an arranged marriage to a hot aristocrat just back from fighting Bonaparte. OK, maybe if the sex is hot.

First one to correctly identify the book will get a Smart Bitch Title - and no, this isn’t our Lonely Heart contest for the day. I’m just trying to provide some motivation by Greed & Bribery!

Teresa Wilde writes:

Dearest Bitches:

My romance writing group got a cry for help recently, as follows:

“Hi, I have an extremely difficult question for you. I have been looking for a book that has been written by a Canadian author written about a widow who have been left a series of letters written by her late husband designed to help her face the future and carry on with her life.

I know it’s a difficult task as I do not have the name of the author or the title, but it is for my 84-year-old mother, who loved the book when she read it a number of years ago, and would love to read it again.  If you could help me I would be eternally grateful.
Sincerely
Norah”

I wonder if you could help by posting this so your gentle readers could chime in? I’ll monitor the comments to see if one of your fellow bitches has the answers.

Someone suggested that, since Norah is from England, the book might be a Harlequin Presents.

So - if you know that book, leave a comment or email me at the SBTB address! Thanks! 

While Freebird was trying out his daycare today, I went over the local library, got myself a library card, and ended up bringing home three books - two to borrow, one to own. Book sale?! WOO HOO! Freebird is also the proud owner of two new books, though I won’t review them here - not sure that the SBTB community is sweating over the relative quality of Let my Babies Go! A Rugrats Passover Story and Snuggle Piggy and the Magic Blanket. There is a joke in there about other meanings of Snuggle Piggy but since I’m talking about children’s books, I’ll leave that one alone.

But me? I got books! I now own a double release of RWA Prez and all around fabulous lady Gayle Wilson’s The Heart’s Desire and Heather Graham’s Lonesome Rider (I wonder if the Lonesome Rider has a Snuggle Piggy? *smacks self - OW*).  And I borrowed MaryJanice Davidson’s Derik’s Bane and Jennifer Crusie’s Getting Rid of Bradley, which sounds great but features this cartoon woman on the cover who kinda looks like a man in drag. Big chin, big Adam’s apple, and big nose.

See what I mean?

But then, I arrived home, before I could start any of the three books in the car. And there, on the porch, waiting for me, was a media mail package from Texas. I didn’t think it would arrive that quickly, as media mail usually takes about a year and a half to send from Texas to Jersey, but no, quick as a wink, there it was:

So - which one do I read first? Leave your vote in the comments!

So, who has seen Brokeback Mountain? I confess to being one of those many who say, “Oh, I want to see that!” but hasn’t yet been to the theatre. But it’s not the homosexuality that keeps me away. It’s my 2.5 month old son. It’s hard to see a movie - I don’t have two hours to do any one task right now!

But of course you want that which you cannot have, and while I’ve never had much of a bladder to make it through a movie in one sitting, now that I can’t really get to a movie, I find that’s all I look at: movie listings. I’m so perverse. And I keep looking for movies that would blend my requirements - romance, happy ending - with Hubby’s requirements - must be good.

So yes, Brokeback Mountain is on my “I would see” list, mostly because of the forbidden romance, and there’s nothing that catches my attention like hidden, clandestine hotness between two characters.

Then, there’s Underworld: Revolution which I would not touch even if you paid me. I dragged Hubby to see the first installment, Underworld, and we renamed it ‘Underwear” because it was so almighty bad. Great special effects, but monstrously (har) lousy story. And, worst of all, there could have been a GREAT romance in there - vampire and werewolf? Hoo damn! But no, the two leads had as much chemistry as the wet sponges in my sink. There was one moment where it was Time for Them to Kiss and the whole theatre GROANED out loud at how forced and contrived it was.

I turned to Hubby and apologized in a normal voice, not even bothering to whisper, “I am SO SORRY I made you see this.” And this dude behind us nudged his wife and said, “See?!”

So yeah, the Revolution of Underwear is not on my radar.

Now, we do have digital cable and OnDemand, and there’s a movie in the listings that I am most curious about: anyone seen Playing By Heart? It’s from 1998 but it’s listed as a “recommendation” in our OnDemand menu. And hey - OnDemand means I can pause to go pee, change diapers, resettle the baby into sleep, or restart it when I fall asleep in the middle! 

A writing duo working under the name YourNovel.com will customize a pre-written romance novel with your name, your spouse’s name, and add 26 different identifying characteristics from physical descriptions to best friend’s names. Your name will appear on every page,

So you can star in your own romance novel, with prices ranging from $50 to $120.

I’m not sure what I think about that. But there are excerpts to entertain me while I ponder if this adds fuel to the already-old allegation that romances are paint-by-numbers publications with no originality to them.