Inga Mahn lost just about everything due to Hurricane Katrina. Seriously: her house? It’s gone. Not destroyed, not demolished. Gone. Poof.
Amy E., that magnificent bitch, has organized a series of auctions in her benefit, to help her and her family rebuild. Sarah and I agreed to contribute the following items for auction:
Three months worth of ads, including ad design.
An author interview, wherein you get to pimp yourself, your books, and hell, whatever you want to, up to and including your fabulous perm.
A manuscript critque--a FULL manuscript critique, bitches, not just the usual partial + synopsis.
BID, MOTHERFUCKERS. Don’t make us look bad, or we’ll cut choo like a peeeg.
Plus, you’ll be helping out Inga.
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Sarah:
Beavis: Whoa!
Butthead: WHOA!
Beavis: She’s like, naked! With armbands!
Butthead:Huh huh. Yeah.
Beavis: And she’s gonna get stabbed by that CHURCH! YEAH!
Butthead: Huh huh.That’s cool.
Beavis: Stab her! Stab her in the BUTT!
Butthead: Huh huh huh huh. Tell her to move her hand first so we can see her boobs.
Beavis: Yeah! BOOBS
Butthead: Yeah. Huh huh.
Candy: Wow. I can hear the headlines: “Devastating S&M Tragedy! Woman’s spine pierced through with a pointy castle roof. Find out more about this deadly new fetish. Pointy castle roof fetishists: are they warping our children’s minds? THEY’RE OUT OF THE CLOSET--AND IN OUR STREETS! More at 11.”
Sarah: Gosh, could that hero look any more excited about the posing hottie in front of him?
Ho hum. Another Scarlet Cavern. Gee. There are some boobs. They look rather large and oblong, like someone pulled them southward.
Hmm. Perhaps I’m not the first to enter her scarlet cavern. It is a cavern after all.
Candy: Man, that is possibly THE nastiest peroxide job to end all peroxide jobs on that chick there--and there have been some really skanky-lookin’ blondes on romance novel covers.
And the guy… I could’ve sworn I saw him on Faces of Meth. If he isn’t on there already, he will be soon. He also needs a Silkwood shower in the worst way. That’s probably why he doesn’t look too excited by the equally nasty blonde hobag stripping down in front of him. He’s too busy suppressing the urge to scratch at his scabies.
Sarah: Now that I’ve started breathing again after falling on the floor in twisty laughter, let me attempt to address just one thing that is wrong with this cover.
Does she have a tumor on her ass? Or a saddle horn? Because her back isn’t long enough for the dude to be holding onto her ass. My ass doesn’t curve around like that. My back doesn’t bend like that, either.
Candy: The force of attraction… of being a certified proctologist.
Romance novel cover models really need to learn that Astroglide is their friend. Really, look at all the pained expressions. All those dry runs up Hershey Creek make Baby Jesus a sad panda.
Sarah: The ride in question is the lowride of her jeans, I bet. Even SIMs should not have to have a bikini wax before they put their jeans on.
Man, he has some little hands on the ends of those beefy arms, too.
Jeez louise.
Candy: The danger in this ride is the elevated risk of contracting genital herpes. That, and getting splinters in your ass from humping on that rickety-ass looking fence.
Man, these models look naaarsty. What the hell is up with that hair? Did she superglue it on to her titties? Why? To cover the fact that she has more nipple hair? Or the fact that one of her nipples bears a disturbing resemblance to Doogie Howser’s face? Inquiring minds want to know.
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Sunday afternoon, watching the Steelers game, and creating SBTB prizes, Sarah and Hubby had the following conversation:
Sarah: Oh my God.
Hubby: What?
Sarah: There is a romance novel.
Hubby: Yeah?
Sarah: Called What an Earl Wants
Hubby: NUH UH.
Sarah: YEAH HUH.
Hubby: That is just AWESOMELY bad.
Sarah: I know. Wow.
Here’s a fun toy, though I haven’t gotten the best of results with it: What Should I Read Next?.
Enter a book you like and their database of real readers’ recommendations will suggest something.
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Congratulations to Rubilei, for guessing this week’s Guess That Lonely Heart. Nice job - the correct answer was Christina Bennett from Julie Garwood’s The Lion’s Lady.
Kneel and receive your fabulous prize, as the Smart Bitches Dub Thee:
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A website that reviews romance novels from a couple of smart bitches who will always give it to you straight. No bullshit. No gushing--unless the author really deserves it.
Put me on record as hating plagiarists beyond all reason. My first reaction was “does he even have a son?”
But, you know, over the holidays when I was dashing through the snow in a sleigh - only…
The fake hymen was invented in Japan.
Huh.
That sounds about right.
From Links!
JenB, I am soooo glad I wasn’t the only one to tumble across that thing. It took me ten minutes to catch my breath.
And why does my Muse need a date with a lavender-haired half-dragon with slate-colored…
From Links!
A couple of members of my family sometimes tell stories that happened to them, except that in my memory they happened to me, or to someone else whom I then told my family about. It’s weird and a little disconcerting,…
My favorite line for the “buy Artificial Virginity"…
Its easy to use, clinically proven non-toxic to human and has no side effects, no pain to use
NO PAIN TO USE??? BRAWAHAHAHAHA
From Links!
