by SB Sarah • Friday, January 02, 2009 at 03:17 AM
Contest winner Midknyt sent me the most marvelous links to her pictures and blog entry. I’m not even sure how to adequately communicate the level of jaw-dropping awesome that is her visual travel diary, but holy peencakes, Batman.
There is a park in South Korea that is chock-full of penises. Everywhere you look: peen!
Haesindang Park in Korea, which, as Midknyt notes is a rather conservative culture, is a celebration and tribute to the erect phallus. Legend tells of a man who lost his fiance to the ocean, and her spirit ruined the fishing industry, so the village erected giant honking huge wooden dongs all over the place to appease her bitter, angry, presumably virginal self. The fishing improved, and to this day, sayeth Midknyt, the townspeople offer phalluses on the first full moon of the lunar year.
The pictures are worth their weight in peen. If I could mount an international book tour, I’d be so stopping in South Korea just for the peen park. And the beach is beautiful, too. Not to mention the Sex Education Theme Park, Love Land on Jeju Island.
by SB Sarah • Friday, January 02, 2009 at 01:52 AM
This guy loves titties and he wants to tell you allllll about it.
And if that wasn’t enough, bring on the Tales of Ribaldry from classic SNL. Ignore the current Mel Gibson anti-Semitic whackjob and enjoy older Gibson, if you can, before we knew he was bugshit barmy.
by SB Sarah • Thursday, January 01, 2009 at 11:34 AM
Jessa Slade forwarded me the following covers from the personal romance collection of the late RubyLee Schneider. Jessa writes:
She was the 81-year-old treasurer of the Rose City Romance Writers RWA chapter. She died this year and her library—these books among them—was distributed to the chapter members. While she might not have entirely approved of some of the language at SB, she did have a great sense of humor and would’ve cheered the spirit of community there. We miss her very much.
Any woman who donates her collection of romance to her RWA chapter is a winner in my world. I asked Jessa for more information about Ms. Schneider, and she told me:
RubyLee wrote historicals and inspirational romances and was an Eppie finalist in 2005. She was a charter member of Rose City Romance Writers and was treasurer at the time she got sick. Near the end, when our chapter president went to see her to pass on the group’s finances, RubyLee told her, rather dryly, “Don’t worry. I’m not taking it with
me.” Even after she had decided not to continue cancer treatments, she was still editing a manuscript. So any time anybody says they’re too old or too tired or too whatever to write, they just need to pull a RubyLee.
Imagine if you will the classic Regency chaperone who raps the forward hero with her fan and yet winks and looks away when the heroine needs to sneak off for her first kiss.... That was RubyLee.
Women like that are few and far between. Our condolences to her family: may her memory be a blessing. And so, to celebrate the life of RubyLee Schneider and her contributions to romance writing, bring on the cover snark on a few novels from Ms. Schneider’s collection that are simply howl-worthy. Thanks to Jessa for the scans, and the info.
Sarah: If your man has jaundice, do you tie a yellow ribbon around his little oak tree to measure his recovery process?
Candy: You know why she’s petting him with that smug look on her face? It’s because she’s suffocating him with cheap bronzer--a cut-rate version of Goldfinger, if you will--and she can’t wait for him to drop dead so she can collect on life insurance.
Sarah: Screw the heart for hire. I want to hire the horse who can fart out Jane Mansfield humping Rhett Butler with a bubble-butt.
Candy: Horse-fart/giantess voyeur/porstache fetishists. Now I’ve seen everything.
Sarah: Him: What do you mean, keep my eyes on you?
Her: Just wait. You’re going to say hello to my little friend. Literally.
Sarah: Let’s take a closer look at that little friend, shall we?
Little Friend: “Hello! Nice to see you this evening. I’m Sir Hidden Poon, the keeper of the prenup. If you think you’re getting any hair pie without signing these documents, you can kiss my peen. See my peen? It’s right HERE.
And if you don’t sign, just remember where I live. I’ve got a hot poker, if you know what I mean.
Candy: A homunculus theory of boners! A recapitulation of the homunculus of spermists? But why so old?
by SB Sarah • Thursday, January 01, 2009 at 12:59 AM
It’s time for advice, romance novel stye, with your host: me.
Dear Smart Bitch Sarah:
I saw last week you answered a question from a guy, so I thought maybe you could help me out. One of my best pals is a guy I’ve known since grade school. He’s dating this girl now, and he’s a completely different person. He used to be funny and goof off with us when we went out together, and now he’s all quiet and constantly answering his cell phone when she calls to check up on him. He never talks anymore, or makes jokes or relaxes anymore. We don’t go out that much, maybe once or twice a month, but when we do, the rest of us are fed up with him by the end of the evening because he’s no fun anymore.
How do I get my friend back?
Missing my Buddy but Not in a Gay Way
Dear Missing:
First, let me make some broad assumptions: when you guys go out, you’re not going to expensive strip clubs or chasing hookers or finding new ways to commit misdemeanors involving nudity and alcohol consumption. If you guys are real party animals, I have to say, some of my empathy will be with the girlfriend on this one. Second, are you sure there’s not something going on in his life that has him upset? Maybe his mom is ill or his job is in danger - could that be it?
Barring that, if you’re just pals who go out for a beer or a game, and suddenly your buddy is a different person and it’s all due to the girlfriend, as you say, I can understand why that would make you mad and potentially resentful of his girlfriend.
Presumably he hasn’t griped to you about what you perceive as a tightening leash on his freedom, and you aren’t trying to figure out a way to break them up with his active participation. It sounds like he’s happy with her, but you don’t like the person he is with his girlfriend.
Unfortunately, part of having adult relationships is growing up and being more than the person you’ve always been. It may be that he doesn’t want to be away from his girlfriend that much, which is especially a possibility if the relationship is new. It may be that he’s not having much fun in sports bars anymore - or it may be that something’s really wrong that has nothing to do with his girlfriend, and he’s stressed out and worried.
You can try talking to him, and telling him you noticed that he’s quiet and seems unhappy, and see if that gives him a window to clue you in on whatever might be happening in his world. Or, you could try asking him what he’d like to do one night, and doing something different that he picks. And you might even want to take one for the team and, if you’re dating someone, invite his girlfriend and yours to go out together. It might be the girlfriend isn’t as bad as you think.
Sorry to say it, but I don’t think you can get your friend back. It’s all up to him. If you try to intervene, he’ll get pissed off and she’ll be really apeshit and you’ll lose your friend. If you try to talk to him, he won’t get what you’re saying because he’s with this girl for a reason, and that reason is presumably she makes him happy. Or the sex is off the chart, in which case, he’s definitely not going to listen.
Never has the “let’s break up the happy couple!” strategy worked in a novel that I can remember. The overbearing Tycoon who tries to break his sister’s engagement to the worthless playboy might save his sister from a miserable marriage, but he’s still an overbearing assmunch whose sister will likely knee him in the balls next time he interferes in her life. Acting on the presumptuousness of assuming you know best for your friend can only bite you in the ass.
But if you do nothing, or you act like a friend, you retain the status quo and you keep your friend… as he is now. Maybe he’s annoying and maybe you might want to drop his cellphone in a bar toilet next time you’re out together, but if he’s your friend, you’ll want what makes him happy.
If you’ve got a question that you’d like to see me tackle with Teh Powah of Romance Novels, I won’t reveal who you are.
A website that reviews romance novels from a couple of smart bitches who will always give it to you straight. No bullshit. No gushing--unless the author really deserves it.
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