Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

From DA, showcase of reviews and the everlasting hilarity ofAuthors Gone Bugfuck, a link to make the heart of my cockles grow warm with glee: The 2007 Cover Controversy is up. The winner of worst cover?

Guess. Just guess. Congrats to the crew at Kensington for about fourteen badrillion dollars worth of free advertising with their Big Spankable Win.

And, as Jane noted: the word of the week is “Asslet.” Use it well, use it wisely, and use it often. 

Bitchery reader Rina says, “Help, please?”

I have a pretty good memory for the plot, but I’m totally at a loss for the title or author.

I got it from the library when I was about 10 years old, so it would have been published in the 1980s or earlier.  Would be given a G-PG rating (no sex at all, IIRC), but was written for adults.  Hardback, fairly thick, green or blue cover, female author.

I have to pick two winners for the first of what I hope will be a continuing contest series here at SBTB, Caption That Cover. I offered an ARC of King of Sword and Sky, or two of Rhonda Nelson’s books, The Hell Raiser and The Loner.  Folks commented with their ideas for This Studly Guy. To be specific, 160+ people commented.

Holy shit, are you people funny. I mean, I knew that already, but damn. And also merde and mon dieu (TM Nathalie Grey).

While I read the comments and worked out my abs, the awesome sauce people at Harlequin have added to the prize pot. I now have two copies of The Hell Raiser, plus The Loner and the ARC to give away, so let’s get to it.

Snort-worthy entries included Peyton’s “Carpe Testes!” and Jessica Andersen’s “This package will self destruct in five...four...three....” And the “Who the fuck has towels that say ‘dry clean only?’” from S Andrew Swann had me snorting so hard I nearly swallowed my gum, as did Chez’s “Soap on a rope ..... (swing) ..... soap on a rope .... (swing) ....”

*drumroll please* But the top three as measured by the scientific standard of “I nearly wet myself” are:

Sara Fleming for: “Fuck. Crabs again.” More than a few of you pointed out that Mr. Hell-Raiser looks very glum or pissed off, or both.

saltypepper for: “Mom was right; from now on I’m using a stick to toast marshmallows!”

and first prize goes to BevQB for her double-dose of hi-larious:

Chest, Nuts roasting on an open fire…

AND

It’s a fairly common STD, he says.
The penicillin should clear it right up, he says.
Somehow I don’t think the Doc understood that “I’m pissing fire” wasn’t hyperbole.

Congrats to BevQB, Saltypepper and Sara! Please to claim yer winnings!

On my way home from work one day, a woman sitting next to me most apologetically interrupted my reading to ask me about the Kindle. She’d never seen one, and she didn’t know much about the ebook readers on the market, but she was completely on board with the idea of carrying a stack of books in one lightweight device, to say nothing of the integration between book browsing and book buying using the wireless connection.

Of course, and I do grit my teeth when I write this, the Kindle is now available for $359, which makes it a tad more attractive, though I don’t think it’ll really take off in terms of ubiquity until it goes below $300, or even $250, if that ever happens. Meanwhile, I’m trying not to think of all the things I could have purchased with that $40 extra. Amazon, I am giving you a finger. Guess which one. My fellow commuter is probably buying one, because she completely agreed with me about how crap it is to run out of reading on the bus ride home. Invariably, it’s the day you get stuck in traffic for an hour.

If you’re still wondering about the Kindle, and its potential uses as a reading device, read on. Thanks to Jill F., who sent me a link, you can check out NPR’s Lynn Neary as she reports on how the Kindle holds up on the beach and at the pool. It’s relatively durable, sayeth the experts, compared to, say, a cell phone. But don’t toss it in the water, for God’s sake. I know of one Kindle-Aid drinker who puts hers in a clear Ziploc bag for trips to dangerous locations where there may be sunscreen, sand, and water. Low-tech is often best, especially since the included Kindle-case blows Chunkys.

I’m going to be road tripping next weekend - fun fun fun in West Virginia (no, seriously, I love West Virginia) - and the Kindle shall be coming with me. This may be the first vacation where I am guaranteed not to run out of things to read (which has happened before, and yea, it doth blow Chunky as well) but there’s no way in hell I’m bringing it near a pool, not without two Ziplocs, minimum.

Thanks to Katie, I have a link to the list of authors appearing at the RWA Literacy Signing in San Francisco. Every year the Literacy Signing raises Big Money for a local literacy organization, so bring your wallet and your comfy shoes.

But suppose you’re not going to be there, which is a big bummer. Consider alternate uses for the list: pen name selection! You don’t want to use a pen name that’s too similar to another author’s nom de plume. Granted, this list doesn’t encompass every romance author ever, but there’s plenty on there to give you ideas.

My pen name of choice would be a weird combo of my pet’s names and the porn-star name rule of “street I grew up on,” and I have so many pets I have a name for every subgenre. Ergo Grace Reynolds. Or Oliver Reynolds, if I write mysteries. Or Logan Reynolds if I write, say, Westerns. Or Fukui-san Reynolds if I were to write something Japanese. Or Ohta Reynolds if I write sports books or food commentary. The possibilities are endless!

How did you pick your pen name? What’s your preferred faux name, if you’re not using a writing moniker already?