


by Candy • Friday, July 29, 2005 at 04:22 PM
Heather correctly guessed the answers to today’s Personal Ad challenge. All hail Heather!
And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for: Kneel, Heather, for the Smart Bitches dub thee:
See? Told you the title would be all classy and shit.
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by Candy • Friday, July 29, 2005 at 10:27 AM
I really do need to stay away from the AAR boards. I tell myself this, but I click on the linkies anyway. Oh dear. This one is Jorie’s fault.
One reader blames romance novels for the death of normal relationships.
I think romance novels are death to normal, real relationships. You start thinking all that action, adventure and passion is the norm in the real world. You start to look for a man with romance novel hero traits. As a woman who started reading romance in her teens I didn’t realize I was doing this until my early twenties. If the guy wasn’t exciting and romance novel like I didn’t want him.
OK, I’ll admit that this post wouldn’t have bugged me as much if the poster hadn’t made such a sweeping statement. Death to normal, real relationships? Not for me. Much as I love to read romance novels, I wouldn’t want to live one. Too much turmoil and heartbreak for my taste. But reading it and living through it vicariously? Hell yeah.
Hey, I wouldn’t want to live a mystery, SF, fantasy or, hell, even a lit fic novel, either.
If romance novels are fucking with your head, then by all means say as much. “I am unable to read romance novels without allowing them to fuck with my head. I will cease reading them because the fuckery is spilling into my life and the decisions I make.” That’s a perfectly acceptable sentiment. Saying that it’s the romance novel’s fault, though, instead of your own inability to separate fiction from expectations of reality? Pah. And trying to generalize this further and make it seem as if they’re responsible for a greater social phenomenon? Double pah.
And another musing came courtesy of Elizabeth Mahon, who spotted the following tidbit on Hollywood-Elsewhere:
Why do the women reading paperback books in subways and airport lounges always seem to be reading mass-market fiction? Why don’t I ever see one, just one, reading a book by, say, William Faulkner or Gore Vidal?
OK, anyone smell the fragrant sexist bullshit wafting off this observation? I rode public transport for years and years, and I saw precious few people, male, female or pre-or-post-op transsexual reading Faulkner or Vidal or other such lofty authors on the bus or MAX. Most of the men weren’t reading, period, and if they were, they were every bit as guilty of indulging in mass market paperbacks as women. The exceptions would be people reading newspapers (men seemed a bit more likely to do this than women) and college students doing some last-minute swotting on the bus, something female students seemed to do as frequently as male students.
At any rate, if this asshole had ridden public transport in Portland and seen me reading, he would’ve seen me reading everything from Lolita to Moby Dick to Le Petit Nicolas to The Shadow and the Star. I even read The Sound and The Fury on the bus. Does that make me all special and shit? Should I take a photo and e-mail it to this jerkwad?
The reply he wrote to Elizabeth when she e-mailed him about it was even more distasteful:
I don’t like mass-market popular fiction, as a rule. It’s basically junk-food stuff. There is a world out there...an amazing wonderful world of knowledge and exotic places and fresh atttitude and beliefs and sensuality and illumination...all of which is barely paid attention to by mass-market fiction writers. Don’t try and justify lazy, degraded literary appetites. So you read this crap yourself, right? That’s what your letter was about? You feeling vaguely guilty about putting junk-food fiction into your brain and your soul, and wanting to rationalize the anti-intellectual, impulse-minded, short-attention-span tendences of women of your generation? Something along these lines?
Woo damn. You know, when I see those godawful monstrous SUVs, H2s and pickup trucks all blinged out and growling along in the urban wilderness of Portland, sometimes I think “Holy shit, penis enhancer much?” This is the first time I’ve thought the same thing about somebody’s opinion about literature.
“LOOK AT ME! MY TASTE IN LITERATURE IS AWESOME! THE THICKER THE SPINE, THE MORE OBTUSE THE PROSE, THE BIGGER MY COCK! KNEEL BEFORE ME, BITCHES!”
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by Candy • Friday, July 29, 2005 at 08:34 AM
All right, bitches. ‘Tis another Friday, and time for another Personal Ad challenge. Guess the author, title and heroine’s name (don’t forget the heroine’s name!) correctly, and lo, find thyself the proud owner of a happy, shiny, beyootiful and always-tasteful *koff* Smart Bitch aristocratic title.
Long Snake Moan
SWF, shiftless late-night DJ, currently unemployed, appreciative of PJ Harvey and REM (among others), looking for my even flakier sister and maybe some love along the way. Hot recluses who have undergone some sort of crazy emotional trauma a plus.
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by SB Sarah • Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 01:17 PM
Writers: What do you do when you have a hero or heroine with a bazillion years of relevant backstory that must be brought to bear against the present-day romance?
Readers: What method of backstory development do you prefer?
Do you like the flashback? The dropped comment and the tearful, wrenching confession of what those dropped comments really meant? The prologue that tries to tie up the whole mess? What’s your favorite method of greeting the past when looking at the present and the future of a character? We want to know!
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by Candy • Wednesday, July 27, 2005 at 03:52 PM
Our Grade:
Title: The Demon's Daughter
Author: Emma Holly
Publication Info: Berkley Publishing Group 2004, ISBN: 0425199185
Genre: Paranormal

OK, all of you who were taking bets on whether I’d love or hate The Demon’s Daughter can now close the books because the results are in: I liked. Liked it quite a bit, actually, but certain issues with the storytelling prevent me from giving it an outright A, though it’s still a keeper.
This is the first romantic steampunk novel I’ve ever read. The world is somewhat similar to Victorian England, in that there is a queen named Victoria and certain aspects of the culture distinctly resemble that of late nineteenth-century England, but there the resemblance ends. Like many SF/F novels, geography is compressed; on the same relatively small continental mass are countries that are analogues to real-world Mediterranean, African, Caribbean, Indian and Middle-Eastern cultures.
And then there are the Yama, humanoid beings in the coldest reaches of the far north. The humans call them demons, though not to their faces. The discovery of their advanced civilization is a relatively recent one when the book starts. The humans and non-humans are just barely beginning to learn to co-exist. One of the treaties struck up between Queen Victoria and the Yamish Emperor involves exiling the criminal lower-class demons (known as rohn) into the dockside districts of Avvar (think late nineteenth-century London with more diversity and fewer racial hang-ups). In exchange, the demons export their advanced technologies, such as electric horseless carriages, gasless lights and advanced surgical techniques.
But with an influx of criminals comes, well, an influx of crime. The problem is somewhat complicated by a few things:
1. Demons are stronger, faster and smarter than the average bear.
2. Demons are capable of draining a human’s etheric force, and prostitution based on energy vampirism becomes a thriving underground concern in Avvar.
Enter Inspector Adrian Phillips to help deal with these problems. A few years ago, he consented to having special implants inserted in his wrist which, when activated, give him demon-like strength and speed. This comes at a cost: many humans view these implants as abominations, and Adrian finds himself neither fish nor fowl nor meat. In fact, his wife divorces him because of these implants; she fears that he’ll grow a forked tongue and tail as a result of the demon technology.
Because of these enhancements, Adrian is given the task of policing demon-demon and demon-human disputes. However, despite the advantage the implants give Adrian, he finds himself at the losing end of a knife fight one night while looking for a missing boy. Dizzy from loss of blood and exhausted from the aftereffects of activating the implants, he collapses in a garden.
The garden belongs to Roxanne MacAllister, the bastard child of a famous singer and stage performer. Sarah is right on one score: Roxanne is quite the tiresome paragon. She’s an artist who specializes in painting nekkid people and goes around wearing trousers because she’s so radical and different, see, but she also adopts street urchins and rescues grubby, bleeding, unconscious men whom she finds in her garden, in the pouring rain.
Roxanne and Adrian develop the instant hots for each other. And I do mean instant. Erections and gushing moistness abound within minutes of them seeing each other, and lemme tell you, Adrian is able to sport a most impressive woody despite losing God knows how much blood and being only semi-conscious for much of the initial canoodling.
Roxanne is practically vibrating with glee at the idea of finally losing her virginity, but then disaster strikes: she finds out that her father is actually Lord Herrington, the Yamish ambassador to Avvar. Angst ensues. Oh nos! She’s half-demon! And what if she accidentally drinks somebody’s energy? Woe woe woe. But hey, it explains her funny-colored eyes, her amazing strength (bitch single-handedly carried Adrian into her house and she NEVER questioned where her amazing strength came from) and her propensity for mathematics (hey, is she part Chinese too?). Roxanne’s father’s is determined to become better acquainted with his daughter, but she’s not quite as enthusiastic about the idea.
At any rate, Adrian boinks her to a fare-thee-well, even after finding out about her demon father. Additional complications arise when Adrian goes back to work and is warned by his superintendent that associating with dodgy types like Roxanne won’t help with his police career. Adrian tries to stay away, but Roxanne’s supah-sexiness and her all-round awesomeness means he eventually tells the superintendent to fuck off and helps Roxanne out with a sticky situation—with predictable results.
There’s also a side-plot involving a fiendish demon known as The Dragon who’s performing wacky experiments on humans and demons, but unlike previous Emma Holly suspense side-plots, this one didn’t annoy me too much.
OK, so those of you who read Sarah’s F review are probably dying to know: why the drastically different grade?
Frankly, I think it boils down to the fact that I liked Adrian quite a bit better than Sarah did. One of the biggest stumbling blocks for her was how Adrian tried to break up with Roxanne despite how patently awesome she was. Personally, I understood why Adrian tried to do so. Keep in mind that a lot of the mores in Avvar were supposed to be similar to the mores of Victorian England. Two big reasons why I found Adrian’s attempt to break up with Roxanne sympathetic, not obnoxious:
1. He’s middle-class, but his family came from blue-collar working-class roots. Oftentimes, the people most rabid about social position and respectability weren’t the aristocracy; if one was rich enough and powerful enough, one could do whatever the fuck one wanted and other people just had to suck up the consequences. (Think about what royalty got away with, for example.) For the middle class, though, the stakes tied to one’s reputation were much, much higher on a personal scale. Adrian not being comfortable with the idea of dating, much less marrying a) a half-demon bastard of b) a notoriously slutty singer who c) lives in a bad neighborhood and furthermore d) has engaged in what amounts to pornography in e) an era amazingly restrictive and repressed about class, sex and illegitimacy makes perfect sense for me. In fact, I’d be puzzled if he’d had no reservations at all about associating with her. It wouldn’t have been convincing for someone from his era, background and values.
2. He’s really, truly dedicated to his job and wants to get ahead. Part of this entails marrying and associating with the right people. I’ve bitched hard before about how unconvincing I find it when a hard-nosed spy/businessman/cop whose work is his life abruptly tosses everything over for True Lurve without any apparent qualms. That Adrian thought of his job first and foremost made sense to me; after all, at that point all he knew from spending one week with Roxanne was that he liked her and that they’d had amazing nookie. So again, Adrian in this instance acted convincingly for somebody in his situation. I mean, hell, he loved his ex-wife and he got the implants in his wrist to get ahead, even though he knew they would likely freak her out; attempting to break things off with Roxanne before they got too serious made sense to me. In fact, I would’ve been puzzled if he’d been willing to defy his boss and ruin his career for the sake of a woman he’d known only one week.
And then, of course, about 20 pages after Sarah stopped reading, Adrian did the right thing, which cost him dearly. The fact that he came to this decision after a lot of struggle makes the sacrifice a hell of a lot more meaningful, and I’ll admit I teared up a little and sighed a bit.
The world-building in this book is quite excellent—better than just about any paranormal romance I’ve read, actually. Sarah thought it was pretty confusing (and some of our readers agreed with her), but I loved it and didn’t have any problems following along. I have only two complaints with it:
1. I wanted more. The little hints about demon culture and their highly stratified society were delicious, but I wanted more detail.
2. This is a nitpick that is by no means limited to Holly, but: what the hell is up with the dumb-ass names, man? Avvar for a London analogue? Why didn’t she pick something that sounded British, at least? And some of the names of foreign countries just sound far too similar to each other to denote distinct cultures and geographic spaces. Fantasy authors do this all the time, though, with Robert Jordan being one of the worst offenders. But then not everyone can build worlds like Tolkien—my reservations about Lord of the Rings aside, the man was a genius when it came to giving each region distinct, realistic names, languages and cultures.
Side note: Was anyone else as distracted as I was with the use of the word “daimyo” to denote upper-class demons? ‘Cause every time I read that word, I couldn’t help but picture this:
I don’t know if Holly’s use of this word was deliberate because she wanted in some ways to emulate the rigid hierarchies of feudal Japan, or whether she made up a word that just coincidentally meant something in Japanese.
Those are petty nitpicks, though. My biggest reservations with the book had to do with the overall tone and the erotic elements.
First, the tone: Holly has a very American writing voice. This is something I’ve learned to ignore with most romances set in England, and as long as no egregious errors are made (such as having eighteenth-century English aristocrats say “OK") I’m usually fine. In this case, if the voice had been consistent throughout, the story was good enough that I would’ve been able to ignore it much of the time. However, the extremely American tone was occasionally interrupted by attempts to sound British, which jarred me.
The erotic elements were similarly jarring. Roxanne and Adrian’s instant lust for each other was ludicrous, not sexy. The dude was stabbed, for crying out loud. Couldn’t he rest for a couple of days before sporting blue-steel boners that would’ve made John Holmes envious? The sex became more convincing later in the book and the relationship between Roxanne and Adrian developed, but those early encounters made me laugh instead of turning me on. One graphic description of Roxanne’s camel-toe (a result of her tight pants) had me howling so loudly that my husband looked up from playing Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas to ask me what the hell was going on.
Overall, I’d recommend this book to people who enjoy steampunk, and to those who are willing to overlook some very silly sex and a hero who acts like a bit of an asshead for part of the book. It’s a fun, sexy read, and I really hope that Holly sets more books in this world; if nothing else, I’m very curious about what happens to Charles, one of the street urchins Roxanne adopted and a former child prostitute.





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