Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

I was reading Derik’s Bane by MaryJanice Davidson on the bus this morning, and, despite not being caffeinated, my brain started a major rumination. One of the characters has the gift of premonition, and as an illustration of the range of that gift, MJD writes that she predicted a tax audit, and September 11th, 2001.

I imagine people have a range of feelings regarding locating contemporary storylines, be they fantasy or not, in the present-day reality using real news events to establish time and location. Personally, I find that there’s a certain limit to how much reality I’m able to swallow in my fiction, but where specifically that limit is, I have a hard time defining.

Bitchery reader Anon asks, “Please don’t let the Good Shit section languish in obscurity!  It’s been wonderfully helpful.  Could I entreat the Bitchery to solicit Sage Advice on the subject of fantasy and sci-fi with interesting relationships between hero and heroine? 

Here’s my shelf to get things started:

Lois McMaster Bujold, starting with Cordelia’s Honor and all the way
through the Miles Naismith series, also the Chalion series

Doris Egan, Ivory trilogy

R.A. MacAvoy, The Grey Horse and Book of the Kells

Sharon Miller and Steve Lee, Liaden books

Sharon Shinn, Archangel series

Megan Whalen Turner, Queen of Attolia

Caroline Stevermer, A College of Magics

Martha Wells, Wheel of the Infinite

The only problem with all of these books is that I’ve read them so very
many times, and I’d love new suggestions!”

So, you request, we respond! I’m going to open this up to SciFi & Fantasy romance - bring on your recommendations, and if that’s too broad a category, we can narrow it down when we post the final tally. 

This week, we’re taking a look at some reader-submitted stepback covers. So nice when the cover is rather bland and then you open the flap and HOLY CANOLI are those REAL?!

Our first stepback: Patricia Pellicane’s Sweet Revenge

Sarah: “The sea is rising up behind me, and here, I have this dead girl with giant silicone boobies. Aren’t Coast-Guard-approved floatation devices made of silicone? I sure hope so!”

Also, can we talk about how disturbingly long her first two fingers are? What does she DO with those fingers?! Prostate exams… on giraffes?

Candy: “Non non non, ma cherie...You keep your knees bent, lift your breasts UP and suck that stomach IN. Like so, comprends?”

Or maybe he’s demonstrating the newest Aikido throw to the little chickadee?

Under the Wild Moon by Diana Carey

Sarah:”Darling, I don’t think it’s going to work between us. First, I have to go fight those monks over there. But more importantly, you have jaundice, you aren’t able to stand up, and one of your breasts appears to be coming out of your shoulder. And, now you’re melting into a puddle. Don’t you see? It’s not you. It’s me. I can’t handle your specialness.”

Candy: YAY medieval mullets! Very authentic.

Side note: All these bitches need to look into knee surgery or something. The premature kneecap failure rate among these models must be appalling.

The Dark Horseman Marianne Harvey

Sarah: You know the horse is thinking, “Ok, I’m about to go over the cliff because Lord Bozo doesn’t look where he’s going, AND I have to pull the weight of this doofy dead woman ol’ Bozo insists on dragging everywhere, even though she’s beyond rigor mortis and her dress is clearly from three seasons ago. And NOW there’s some big fire burning over there and what is he doing? He’s looking down her cleavage again. Maybe I can throw them both over the cliff.”

Candy: Riding a rearing stallion with a shirt mostly unbuttoned is eminently practical and a sign of excellent horsemanship. Also, allowing your stallion to rear so wildly about 2 millimeters away from the edge of a cliff. Between that and the chick with the mean crick in her neck, I say this tableau looks like a Darwin Award waiting to happen.

Alert! It is the birthday of Smart Bitch Candy, Saturday, February 4!

So, let us rejoice, and compose our ardor in raunchy haiku, couplets, and iambic smartbitchometer in her honor!

Ready, set, go!

And have a happy birthday Candy!

(And thanks to MadLantern for the graphics!)

Congratulations to Sara K, who took all of 15 minutes to guess correctly that this week’s lonely heart was Emma Dunster, heroine of Julia Quinn’s Splendid.

Kneel Sara K, and receive your Smart Bitch Title!

Congratulations, Sara K!