Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

You can read the entire excerpt, but I invite you to open this page and search for the word “pizza.” Read the entire line.

Read it again.

Savor it. 

That line could open new doors in sexual imagery. Thanks to an alert reader who made me fall off the sofa laughing by sending me the link.

Nothing like a little roadkill romance. Hmmm-hah! 

Warning: Nothing related to romance novels related below. However, if you’re one of the many romance readers who love anime, feel free to feel my pain.

OK, I’m not going to sound very coherent because HOLY SHIT I’ve only had, hmmmm, four hours of sleep in the last *tries to do math* uhhhhhhh 44 hours, which is what happens when a whole buncha your friends come out and say “Hello, Candy, come spend some time with us, and while you’re with us, we’ll ply you with gummy bears and Linux and pho!" (mmmmmm pho) but anyway, tonight I finally got around to watching Samurai Champloo and OHMIGOD that shit is CRACK in animated form. My friend Brian burned me copies of the first two DVDs so I could check it out and ahhhhhh there are six DVDs out now with the seventh due in JANUARY and good God how am I going to make it that long??? And there are THIRTEEN DVDs in total! *weeps hysterically*

So, I guess deepdiscountdvd.com is going to make a mint off me. Again. And I thought Cowboy Bebop had hit me hard.... Damn that Shinichiro Watanabe! Damn him to helllll!

Who knew an animated hip-hop samurai saga would hook me this hard? Certainly not me.

Off I go to surrender my credit card number. Then ‘tis off to bed with me. We’ll see how much of this non-animated, non-hip hop samurai saga I can read before I pass out in exhaustion.

Congrats to JMC for correctly guessing today’s Guess that Lonely Heart. The answer was the purplest book I’ve ever read, Blaze Wyndham by Beatrice Small. This book was such a trip I can still remember the names of Blaze and her sisters (Mary Blaze, Mary Blythe, Mary Bliss, Mary Delight, etc.) and I wish I could replace that knowledge with where I left my car keys.

But I digress! Kneel and receive thy Smart Bitche Title™

You know the drill - first one to give us author, title, heroine’s name gets le Smart Bitche Title!

All my dresses might as well be purple, too

Impetuous and sophisticated-beyond-my-years gentry daughter with no dowry to speak of seeks a series of men to guide me from virginity to a great deal of experience. First, a benevolent, almost fatherly-aged gentleman to rescue my family from ruin, teach me the ins and outs of coitus in as many locations as possible, and introduce me to luuuuurve, baby, yeah. Then, a royal pain with a ginormous ass to bend me unwillingly into sexual servitude and political intrigue. Finally, a younger, more passionate, and ultimately appropriate man who allows me to keep my original title, my pride, and my happily ever after. 

I love stories of true romance as much as I love the fictional ones. Enjoy and try not to picture the movie version, because over-production would suck all the joy and beauty out of the simplicity of this story.