CoronationceremonyforMandyRoth!

by Candy Friday, February 10, 2006 at 07:48 PM

Mandy Roth is the romance novel maven who successfully guessed the correct answer to today’s personal ad contest, and for that, she shall be soundly rewarded with one of our Smart Bitch titles! Kneel and prepare to be tapped with a sword. (No, not THAT kind of sword. OK, maybe on alternate Wednesdays, it’s that kind of sword.)

Rise, Mandy, for we dub thee:

Baroness Cocque-Slappe

Baroness Cocque-Slappe

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Categories: Guess That Lonely Heart!

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YetanotherFridayPersonalAdChallenge!

by Candy Friday, February 10, 2006 at 12:04 PM

Hang on to your panties, because it’s Friday, which means ANOTHER personal ad challenge.

Author + Title + Heroine’s name = AWESOME SMART BITCH TITLE GOODNESS


Faux Ho Seeks Groping, Manhandling

Quiet teacher with felonious OMGHOT showgirl twin seeks big, burly law-enforcment type to manhandle and grope her. Long roadtrips a plus; long roadtrips with bitter arguments, big secrets, big misunderstandings and even bigger cocks a bonus.

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GettingRidofBradley,byJenniferCrusie

by SB Sarah Friday, February 10, 2006 at 11:50 AM
Our Grade:
B
Title: Getting Rid of Bradley
Author: Jennifer Crusie
Publication Info: Mira 2001, ISBN: 1551668653
Genre: Contemporary Romance

I read Getting Rid of Bradley upon the recommendation of the Bitchery, who said I should dive in immediately after reading Who’s the Daddy. Indeed, like a fine sorbet, it did cleanse the palette.

The early works of Crusie are fun to read because you see her starting out with some sizeable writing muscles, and you know already that she eventually turns into something of a powerhouse. Not that I’m sucking up or anything. Really. Swear.

More,more,more!>
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Categories: Reviews by Author, A-CReviews by Grade: B

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RomanticBookoftheYear?

by SB Sarah Friday, February 10, 2006 at 09:25 AM

You know how there’s always a mind-bogglingly popular, yet not as quality, version of just about everything? Hubby and I call it the “White Zinfandel” effect. Thomas Kinkade? The white zinfandel of art.

Andrea Bocelli? The white zinfandel of opera.

This is nothing against white zin itself, as there are some that are quite good, but it has a major rep as a plebian wine, and I almost busted an internal organ at the absurdity of watching a dude go through the wine sniff-and-taste ritual with a bottle Sutter Home White Zinfandel on a cruise one time.

Yeah, I sound like a snob. But I do have a point. And it’s not that I like wine a lot, even though I really do.

Nicholas Sparks the white zinfandel of fiction, has been nominated for the Romantic Novel of the Year award, which comes with much relative prestige, of course, and, holy crap, £10,000.

Fellow nominees include Brits Veronica Henry and Audrew Howard, Irish writer Kate Kerrigan, and Aussie Asheigh Bingham. I’ve not heard of these people - anyone in the UK Bitchery care to enlighten me?

Sparks was nominated for True Believer, which, judging from the Amazon reviews, was a disappointment to those readers who enjoy romance. One reviewer likened it to Danielle Steele, who also might be called another white zin of romance. Another called it a “watery” disappointment.

I gotta tell you, this just burns my toast more than a little. I’m not sure if Sparks gets the attention for writing treacly spooge because he’s a male writing “romantic novels” or if he’s somehow been singled out as the author of “socially and commercially acceptable and award-worthy romance” for some other reason (perhaps an alignment with Satan?) but whatever it is, it bugs the crap out of me when there are so many other authors who write clever, insightful, and emotionally provocative romance but don’t get nominated for £10,000 awards.

Who would you nominate instead? Maybe we need to create the Smart Bitch White Zinfandel Award for mediocrity in romance, so when we take the award nominations away from people like Sparks we can give them something nice to hold onto in return. 

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EasyReading

by Candy Thursday, February 09, 2006 at 08:55 AM

Amazon.com recently introduced “Text Stats” for many of the books they sell; these stats purportedly record the readability and complexity of a book. Laura Kinsale found out, somewhat to her consternation, that Shadowheart scored as both very easy and less complex compared to other books. Being an enterprising woman, she looked up the stats for another one of her books.

For My Lady’s Heart, with its notorious Middle English dialogue, which you either love because you’re a nerd or hate because it interferes with your readability? It scores just about the same. Now, that’s just mind-boggling.

After being alerted to this, I did some digging around to see how other books compare.

Pride and Prejudice scores as somewhat harder to read and somewhat more complex than the two Kinsale medievals. OK, that’s a fair cop.

Let’s try a more modern novel, then--a nice, big meaty one. Like, say, The Corrections. Turns out it scores as a bit easier than P&P, but still harder than a Kinsale.

At that point, inspiration hit: let’s try some books that are quite notoriously difficult to read. The ones that cause college students to gnash their teeth and grip their heads in agony. So I looked up the stats for your favorite wet fart connoisseur and mine, James Joyce. Specifically, Ulysses. According to the magic numbers, it’s easier to read than both The Corrections and Pride & Prejudice--which brings up the question: IN WHICH FREAKING UNIVERSE would that be true?

(Answer: probably in the same universe where all those non-Muslim sheikhs kidnap shy British secretaries for nefarious erotic purposes.)

But the kicker--the one book whose stats made me laugh and laugh--was no other than The Sound and the Fury. It’s apparently MUCH easier to read than Shadowheart and For My Lady’s Heart. In fact, it scores as being so easy, I’m surprised kindergarten teachers aren’t substituting Dick and Jane with The Sound and the Fury.

I’m thinking they might need to work a little bit more on the algorithms that determine ease of reading and complexity.

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