


by Candy • Monday, October 31, 2005 at 10:02 AM
Bookseller Chick has a most excellent entry up about the salubrious effects of reading Harlequin Presents while enduring the vigors of organic chemistry class. But my favorite part is right at the end, wherein she explains how to play the Harlequin Presents game:
I’ve always believe that Harlequin Presents covers can be used either to a.) make one weird blackmail note, or b.) summarize a whole new plot for the upcoming month. To do this one must first collect six Harlequin Presents. For our example we’ll use the six that came out for the month of November:
Pregnancy of Revenge by Jacqueline Baird
The Italian Doctor’s Mistress by Catherine Spencer
Bound by Blackmail by Kate Walker
Disobedient Virgin by Sandra Marton
Sale or Return Bride by Sarah Morgan
The Greek’s Bought Wife by Helen Bianchin
Do not try to make sense out of the titles. I don’t know what the Sale or Return Bride means either; it doesn’t matter. You are now going to rearrange these titles so they make a sentence (or a couple of sentences). Feel free to add in important linking words like (if, then, and, or longer phrases). Your result may look like so:
Although Bound by Blackmail, the Disobedient Virgin refused to be the Italian Doctor’s Mistress and instead chose to be The Greek’s Bought Wife. Even though he considered her to be his Sale or Return Bride, she would carry his Pregnancy of Revenge with love.
I want to play! I want to play! I’m going to use October’s titles:
Expecting the Playboy’s Heir by Penny Jordan
His One-Night Mistress by Sandra Field
The Brazilian’s Blackmailed Bride by Michelle Reid
A Scandalous Marriage by Miranda Lee
The Greek’s Ultimate Revenge by Julia James
The Spaniard’s Inconvenient Wife by Kate Walker (hehe, I initially read this as “incontinent")
Et voila:
After being His One-Night Mistress, Calliope Kourios found herself Expecting the Playboy’s Heir...and being forced into A Scandalous Marriage! But she couldn’t be The Brazilian’s Blackmailed Bride, because Calliope had a secret...She was already The Spaniard’s Inconvenient Wife. Can she find a way out of this quandary, or will she have to use The Greek’s Ultimate Revenge?
I bet you can play this game with traditional Regency titles, too. Have a whack at it, kids! It’s good, clean fun!
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by Candy • Monday, October 31, 2005 at 09:06 AM
Angie scored an interview with JR Ward, author of the Black Dagger brotherhood series. You know, the series featuring the hardcore vampires who love Ludacris.
OK, I’m done snarking. For now. Hie thee to Angie’s blog and read it, because it’s an interesting interview, especially the explanation for why the brothers have the name they do. And apparently one of them, Phury, is a virgin. Mmmm, virgin heroes.... I might have to pick THAT one up if nothing else, because I’d love to see if Phury’s phirst phuck is phabulous.
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by SB Sarah • Sunday, October 30, 2005 at 05:05 AM
Sarah: Is she conscious? Dead? Wearing an ill-fitting prom dress? Is he preparing to drain her into that prominently placed urn?
But wow, that may be a Latino vampire. There is a shortage of minority vampire heroes out there. But this one? He looks so confused I’m not sure he knows what he’s doing. He’s got the costume, and the teeth, and the cape - can’t forget the cape. But his expression - check out the close up of the art - he looks befuddled, like someone gave him the costume but didn’t tell him what to do.
Candy: Homeboy doesn’t look like he’s ready to take a bite out of that neck so much as drool on it. Seriously. This is one vampire whose dentist overdid it with the novocaine at his last root canal.
(C’mon. All those centuries of drinking nothing but blood. Those teeth have to be ghastly.)
Sarah: Here’s my Night Game: sneak up behind this guy and topple him over with one well-placed push to the shoulder blade. Because he is WAY too top-heavy to be real! Seriously, his chest is almost twice as wide as his waistline.
Candy: Because of the way the cover is framed, I TOTALLY thought the chick’s arm was the guy’s at first, and I thought “EEK! GIMP ARM!”
But now I think “EEK! HEADLESS WOMAN!” Because seriously, look at the angle of the arm, and project the height of her shoulder, neck and head. We should see SOME part of her peeping up ‘twixt the shoulders of Gorilla-Boy there, even if it’s just the winsome wisps of feathered bangs. But we don’t. Maybe she’s severely hunchbacked? Or some ninja had sneaked up behind her and TOTALLY BEHEADED HER right before the camera shutter clicked?
Either way, what bliss.
Sarah: The damned. Oh, they sure are. Dude on the right has a very animal-esque snout going on thee. And Nia Peebles? Is that what happened to her?
But really, I fell bad for the dude up front with the man breasts held in place by a Victoria’s Secret underwire camisole. Snout-dude has been mocking him for hours by now.
Candy: Wait: blow-up dolls can be damned?
And my mind wonders: What are they damned to? An eternity of looking like slightly constipated SIMs? Is that, like, the Blow-Up Doll Hellish Fate the Blow-Up Doll preachers use to scare the horny deviants into behaving?
Sarah: This is, obviously, a DVD cover, but it had to be included, for both the poor-fitting vampire teeth and the absolutely bizarre expression.
“Excuse me! I must bite you! With my plastic teeth! I hope they do not fall out!”
Candy: See, what did I say about vampires needing dentists? I love the inset even more than the main picture. The dude has the SAME EXACT EXPRESSION in both.









by SB Sarah • Saturday, October 29, 2005 at 07:18 PM
Our Grade:
Title: Ex & The Single Girl
Author: Lani Diane Rich
Publication Info: 5-Spot/Time-Warner 2005, ISBN: 0446693073
Genre: Chick Lit

This book isn’t published yet and I want to be able to review it in a manner that describes it well without giving away all the good bits, because reviewing a book that was published six years ago, like some of my earlier pieces here, is way different than reviewing a book that technically hasn’t been born to the market yet.
I will tell you that the ending made me cry on the bus, and as I’ve said before, nothing alarms people more than a pregnant lady crying. So I had to put my coat over my head and pretend I was sleeping. Let the record state: I was reduced to huddling under my red coat as the defensive line of hormones rushed the quarterback of my emotional control and knocked him on his ass.
Ex & The Single Girl is the story of Portia and the Miz Fallons, a family of three generations of women, all unmarried. Portia is in Syracuse working on her PhD when she is called home by her dramatic mother, Mags, who says she is suffering from back pain. Mags wants Portia back home for the summer to run the family bookstore in Truly, Georgia, with her aunt Vera and grandmother Bev. There is never a mention of familial titles. Vera is never “Aunt Vera.” She’s simply “Vera.” Same with Mags. Not “Mom.” Mags.
Portia drives the long distance down to Georgia and arrives to find her mother in the picture of health and her aunt, mother, and grandmother exchanging weighty glances with one another, conducting a wordless conversation beneath the audible one at every moment.
Not only is her mother healthy and not at all requiring assistance, but they’ve arranged an affair for her to help her get over her failed relationship. Peter, her live-in boyfriend of two years plus, left her suddenly - on Valentine’s Day - by moving out with no warning. And writing a “Dear Portia” note. On the title page. Of his newly-published novel. And leaving it open on the bed. With an Itty-Bitty Booklight holding open the page.
Yeah. Whatta man.
The unmarried (and rumored-to-be unmarriable) Miz Fallons have a specific manner of getting themselves back to happiness: a Flyer. A Flyer is their term for a one night stand (or short-term relationship) that they have no intention of making permanent. And Mags, Vera, and Bev have picked out a Flyer for Portia: visiting writer Ian Beckett - a sexy, handsome Brit renting a neighboring farm while he finishes his book.
For a girl with a Pride and Prejudice fetish so wide she’s reexamining Austen for her dissertation, the sexy British writer man is almost too much to resist. So Portia ends up sliding into the situation, unwilling but curious despite herself, and, during the course of her visit home, evaluates her own attitude toward romance and happily ever after, while revealing several painful longstanding family mysteries.
The core theme of the story focuses on how she learns how to change that attitude. Instead of Pride & Prejudice, we have Attitude and Expectations. Portia has to learn that there’s really no such thing as a one sided situation in a relationship, that nothing is truly one party’s fault. From the smaller, more immediately questions, (Was Peter responsible for their breakup? Was she? ) to the larger issues working back generations in her family, Portia has to find the balance between anger and assuming responsibility, and decide whether to change her own assumptions of how life will proceed, even if no one else around her wants to undertake a similar adjustment.
Ex & The Single Girl is told in an incredibly visual style, which is interesting because it is a first-person narrated story. However, I will spank my own ass if there’s not some talk of optioning for tv or movie production because the narrative itself urges the reader to imagine so much visually that turning it into a script or screenplay would seem like a facile transition.
For one thing, unless there is a section I missed, there’s no concrete description of Portia - which isn’t unusal for a first person narrative. Unless you have the unrealistic moment of the character saying, ‘My brown hair refused to blah blah hair clip mirror blah,’ you don’t have an easy way to determine what a first-person narrator actually looks like. But the reader does see Portia seeing herself in a window reflection and you know she’s got Cheetoh dust smearing all over her wineglass and her hair is staging a protest in all directions, and she’s wearing the official post-breakup uniform of an old flannel bathrobe - but you don’t ever get a moment of description that tells you what she looks like.
So here’s this visual style of writing that lets the picture play out in your brain, but no description of heroine? Fat? Thin? There was no description of her, so the reader can pin not a single assumption of her character’s issues on basic body types. The reader is free to imagine her in whatever manner. And while that left me a bit at sea when trying to type Portia, it also let me relate to her more easily without assumptions based on image. (And for the record, I never thought Portia looked like overbite girl on the cover. No chance.)
The romance of the story between Portia and Ian is involving as it builds slowly, and is reflected in the various romantic relationships surrounding them, from her aunt, her mother, her best friend, and even her long-absent father.
Ian himself was adorably easy to picture, and Rich managed the balance of creating a character who was both a much more attractive, attentive option to the ex, Peter, but who was also intriguing and not so much a sure thing at every moment. He was clearly the intended hero, but there were times I wasn’t so sure of him and of Portia. He had his own mysteries, and avoided the trap of being that perfect paragon of unrealistic hero-dom who exists solely to support and assist the heroine’s growth (I call this the “Jack Phenomenon,” a la Jack in Titanic).
My disappointment with the book was the setting and the unlikely compactness of the cast of characters in light of that setting. Granted, this is not an epic novel that closely follows several generations, but to set a story in a small town in Georgia would imply a larger group of people with whom the heroine is very familiar, because a small town, once you walk back into it, encloses you with everyone and everything familiar. To reduce the cast of the story to Portia, her three relatives, her best friend, and the partners and romantic interests of those women seems to cheat the setting. Further, the South is itself a personality and a character, and while the characters themselves are well acquainted with Southern charm, hospitality, and indomitable strength, there wasn’t a great deal about the town of Truly to make it clear that it was, indeed, in Georgia.
However, the issues of family, history, and whether you make your own future or whether that future is half-decided by that family and history, make for a charming read. By far the most intelligent and clever element was the recurring theme of “flying:” it’s intriguing and sets the book apart from other predictable contemporary romances. Aside from serving as a euphamism for a casual and satisfying affair with no dangerous long-term attachments or expectations, it’s also a way of questioning what Portia is truly doing throughout the story. Is she flying away from her problems, or flying home? Is she letting those she loves fly away, to see if they return to her of their own volition? Did Peter fly away from her to test her or to test himself? Can she let someone she loves fly away without telling them how they feel, to test their own devotion without taking a risk?
Rich’s skill as a writer is that wonderful balance, from the balance of her characters’ issues and likeability to the balance of the plot threads. This is a book that manages to be a fun read while also exploring visceral concepts of vulnerability, so that by the time I reached the ending, I was invested enough in the character’s happiness to cry and smile over the ending.





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by Candy • Saturday, October 29, 2005 at 10:45 AM
Sara Donati posted an interesting tidbit that addresses how she feels about negative reviews, and she provides an example of a review that’s critical of the work vs. a review that attacks the author.
I’ve been pretty poisonous about books I don’t like, and I wanted to see if I ever clearly attacked an author instead of a book, so I headed over to the archives to re-read some of my D reviews.
First up in the list was my review for Vera Nazarian’s Lords of Rainbow, and early on in the review, I came across this sentence: “The story opens when Our Intrepid Heroine, Ranheas Ylir, stumbles upon what seems to be an assassination attempt on an aristocrat’s coach.”
Holy shit. That is one important motherfuckin’ coach there, people. Maybe it pissed off a capo? I don’t know what that coach did, but it somehow deserved being set upon by some wack-ass guildmembers dedicated to killing and mayhem.
Anyway, what an embarrassing sentence. Kids, see what happens to your writing when you don’t have an editor?
I’m off to re-write that sentence. But I’m immortalizing my stupidity here. Because good stupidity deserves to be immortalized.
I’m now afraid to re-read my other reviews.
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