Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

“The Photoshop Job That Almost Made me Snort a Grape (Ow)” Award of the day goes to Lisa Paitz Spindler for her marble-rye inspired headshopping of our last cover snark. OMG. HA.

Thanks to Kate Rothwell for the heads up. 

Anyone who gets the Publishers Lunch has received the news that Amazon acquired Shelfari. TechCrunch is reporting that Amazon dropped a cool million on the Shelf, while the Seattle Post-Intelligencer notes that three weeks ago, Amazon acquired AbeBooks, which owns a share in Shelfari’s competitor, LibraryThing.

While the nom-nom-nom-ing of the internet does make me raise a cautious brow, it also makes me wonder if Amazon is the only party with massive cash behind it that recognizes the potential power of book network marketing. Not marketing of books, but the marketing of book networks, and how powerful social networks are when founded on common reading experiences. In my research for advertising brokers, I’ve been told that book sites don’t sell, that books are hard to market, and that there isn’t as much interest in book based blogs as there is celebrity gossip, celebrity pictures with Photoshopped jism on them, and celebrity babies, handbags, diet plans, and plastic surgery. Oh, and celebrities.

Now, I happen to think these brokers are totally wrong, and while the massive big gulp that Amazon seems to be undertaking makes me wonder what they’re larger plans are for unifying these brands, it does give me a small amount of pleasure that at least Amazon does recognize that book network based marketing is an untapped market.

DeeCee wrote and asked me to help her find a book, but in doing so made me ponder the presence of piercings in romance novels:

I read an erotic book awhile back (1-3 years, I think) that featured a hero with a tongue piercing. I remember absolutely nothing about it, but that and that it was contemporary. On a side note, do you know of many romance books featuring tongue piercings? I can’t find many when I do an amazon or a google search.

Aside from the erotica novel DeeCee is looking for, with the dude who has a tongue piercing, there aren’t many novels that I can recall which specifically mention piercings. In Gleason’s Gardella series, the source of all the Venator’s power is a piercing ring with a cross made of silver which women wear in their navels and the dudes wear in their nipples (ow) and I remember thinking, “Whoa, that’s interestingly risky. Nipple rings in an historical novel? Dude.”

But contemporaries? I haven’t read any contemporary novels that mentioned piercings outright, erotica or otherwise. Tattoos are becoming more common in romance novels, but piercings aside from ears? That’s somewhat rare. I wonder why that is, because in my own experience, I know plenty of people who have tiny nose studs, lip rings, belly rings, and multiple ear piercings as well. Anyone got any books they’d recommend which feature piercings? 

Here’s a story that might bring out the most virulent argument this site has seen yet: a woman was arrested for failing to return two books to the library for over a year.

Somewhere, a librarian just stood up and cheered. As someone who always wants the book that someone else won’t return, I hear you, librarian, I hear you.

But handcuffs? Wow:

[Heidi] Dalibor did not respond to four notices from the library, two phone calls and two letters. The library forwarded the case to police, who issued a citation for Dalibor’s failure to return the materials or pay the fine. The citation included a court date, which Dalibor admits she ignored.

Which books? White Oleander and Angels & Demons.

Seriously?

Julia, who forwarded me the link, asked, “What books would you go to jail for? What about the SBTB readers? Are there books you’d go to prison over?”

I honestly have to say that in this specific circumstance, I’d give the library back its book and buy my own damn copy, because Dalibor looks kind of like, no, wait, exactly like an asshole for saying, “I still have the books and I don’t plan to return them because they’re paid for now.”

But are there books I’d go to jail before giving up? Sure. Are the police at the door? Crap, I better go look.

Dear DocTurtle:

I’m a big fan of your wife’s site, and Lord knows, there’s more than enough cover snark to go around. And I completely agree, some of the Harlequin Presents! titles are enough to make your teeth hurt like you ate a glazed donut with a cavity. I’m particularly not fond of the “baby of shame” series, which makes me want to get all fidgety and stabby the nearest paperback.

And Lordy knows, I love a good random title generator. We’ve been known to play with such technology hereabouts, and mock the occasional Presents title. So it’s not like there isn’t plenty of mocking room going on. There’s like a mocking mansion with separate parlors for mocking at various times of the day, with all the mockage that floats about.

I so dig your sense of humor, too - random mammal generator? Win!. You went to the Jack Daniels distillery in Lynchburg before your wedding? Also win. I’ve been there. It’s a dry county. The irony is delicious.

So really, sir, did you have to go there? Did you have to pair the silly humor of a Random Romance Title Generator with the text:

“low-grade throwaway bodice rippers put out by the thousands by Harlequin and similar publishers....”

Did you really, really have to go there? I won’t pick apart the layered fallacy of that sentence, except to say: you don’t know from much. The cover art: preposterous. The titles? Don’t get me started. The contents? Not bodice ripper, not low-grade, and certainly not throwaway. Not by a longshot.

I challenge you to a duel! A duel of reading! I shall pick out a Harlequin that is pretty damn fantastic, and I shall send it to you and your wife to read. Perhaps romance isn’t your cup of tea, but certainly you can evaluate fiction for fiction’s sake, and read a story that might just alter your judgment of the category romance genre. I mean, the brain that came up with The Strongbadian Paper Company Sales Representative’s Wily Marquess can face the task I propose.

I await your reply. any time.

Yours,

SB Sarah
“The Scottish Trillionaire’s Feminist Duchess”

Psst- Got a book to suggest for the duel? Leave a comment.