by Candy • Wednesday, June 01, 2005 at 03:25 PM
Those of you who have seen the Lisa Kleypas Lightning Reviews (Part the First, Part the Second) know exactly what to expect from this feature. Brace yourselves, kids: Condensed snark (and copious fangirl love) for every romance novel Jennifer Crusie has published thus far.
Manhunting: Crusie disses on this book pretty hardcore, but really, all the problems she listed? Did not notice them. Would not have CARED even if I had noticed them, because I love the story and the characters so much. First of all, Kate and Jake are adorable. What makes Kate especially adorable is that I fully expected her to be some sort of tiresome, superficial ice queen because Crusie totally sets it up that way then BLOWS UP THOSE EXPECTATIONS, the tricky, magnificent bitch. And Jake? I was SO TIRED of reading about alpha asshole cops and high-powered Type-A corporate raiders in contemporaries that Jake, who’s so relaxed and easygoing that his brother calls him a potted plant (which, if true, then he’s a really fucking SEXY potted plant, rrrowr) was a big breath of fresh air. Second of all, their courtship is hilarious. Third of all, the snobby twits Kate dates and what happens to them are worth the price of admission alone. And last but not at all the least, I like how Kate and Jake start out as friends before their attraction finally overwhelms them and they get down in the store-room in the back of a bar. Definitely an A. (p.s. I prefer the original ending, not the New, Improved Ending in the re-release.)
Getting Rid of Bradley: OK, a quick geek nitpick, and then I’m done: What in the fuck is the “second law of thermonuclear dynamics”? I mean, I have a passing familiarity with the second law of thermodynamics, though by no means am I familiar with with all the squirrelly math that goes into calculating entropy, but thermonuclear dynamics? What? WHAT? But! Love this book anyway. Not quite as much as I love Manhunting, but I love Zack, who is so friggin’ different from the average romance novel cop hero. I mean, he’s aggressive and hyperkinetic and all that, but he’s kinda goofy and funny and not at all an alpha asshole, and just such a GUY kind of guy. A somewhat twitchy guy, and the way they keep poking fun at how high-strung Zack is just cracks me up, like “Nerves? What nerves? Zack doesn’t have nerves, Zack IS a giant exposed nerve ending” (please keep in mind I’m paraphrasing wildly here, the actual quip is much funnier). And I love what a nice foil Lucy’s calmness is to his craziness. So yeah, I dig this book. A-
Sizzle: A wee novella, and it’s fun, though not exactly what you’d call substantial. I have little faith in the HEA given the communication problems the hero and heroine have, but it’s a really cute story, and the details of office life are actually convincing for once. (Besides kids and villains, many romances just can’t seem to portray office dynamics or real-life office jobs worth a shit.) B
Strange Bedpersons: Crusie provides a surprising amount of depth with this one. In some ways it’s a classic Odd Couple sort of a story: Tess is a bleeding-heart liberal crusader who doesn’t give a shit about what she wears and adores having sex in odd (and oftentimes public) places, while Nick is an image-conscious, square-jawed Republican yuppie who isn’t exactly thrilled about being caught bare-assed in a parking lot. Seeing the two of them change and compromise is a lot of fun, and Crusie really has a ball with the liberal-conservative dichotomy and all its stereotypes. And seriously: It has the funniest dropped-fork(s)-during-a-dinner scene EVER. Also contains one of the most heinous mis-statements about Moby Dick I have ever encountered, but it was fixed in the reprint. (Yes, it was one of the first things I checked when I bought it. Yes, I own all of Jennifer Crusie’s category romances in their original and reprint editions. Yes, I know I have a problem, but I wanted Crusie to have some of my money, see, since I had bought all these books used. Or that’s what I tell myself.) Anyway, A-
What The Lady Wants: A fun little caper/murder mytery. Cute animals. Adorably mussed hero who’s more than he seems. Heroine whose Life Is Changed. In short, a quintessential Crusie story. B+
Charlie All Night: Another book that really packs a surprising amount of depth in very few pages--the issue this time is marijuana legalization. But that’s just a teeny-tiny side-plot. Anyway, features yet another somewhat-sullen-yet-adorable Crusie heroine, and Charlie is another mussed-and-not-traditionally-handsome-but-still-hot hero. I especially enjoyed the details on running a radio show. I have no idea if they’re accurate, but it almost doesn’t matter if they aren’t because Crusie makes it feel real. A-
Anyone But You: Oh my God. What can I say about this book? The hero is a funny, cute, slacker ER doctor who’s younger than the heroine. There’s Forbidden Attraction (because they’re friends, see, and they value their friendship so much that they hold off on acting on it FOREVER, and… ooh, let’s just say this is one of my favorite plot devices, and few people do it quite as well as Crusie). The protagonists enjoy MST3K. The sassy, sharp, red-headed best friend actually IS sassy and sharp, not just a tarted-up bimbo with lame one-liners. And Fred. Part beagle, part basset hound, part manic depressive. The original title was The Importance of Owning Fred, and frankly, I wish they’d stuck with it. I love this book. Have I mentioned how much I love this book? I LOVE THIS BOOK. Love love love love and throw a buncha animated throbbing hearts on top of that love, whydoncha? No matter how shitty life is, this book makes me feel happier and more hopeful when I re-read it. A+
Addendum: I just remembered. This book was the very first romance novel I encountered in which the hero and heroine don’t want children. OH MY GOD. Quick, the smelling salts! Another reason why this book is an A+. You just don’t see too many of these critters in romance--or fiction in general. At least not ones who get HEAs.
The Cinderella Deal: Crusie mentioned how Strange Bedpersons was essentially a massive re-write of this book, and there’s definitely a passing resemblance: hippie-dippie heroine hooks up with Yuppie Scum hero, and both learn how to compromise when they fall in love. I like how Daisy swings too far one way, then swings too far to the other, then finds her middle path. It’s almost, like, Zen, man. *Beatnik finger-drums* B+
Trust Me On This: This is a sign I need to re-read the book, because I remember liking it quite a bit, but I remember shit-all about it. Seriously, all I can remember is that the heroine referenced Al Gore during some conversation. So based on the residual glow: B+
Tell Me Lies: Sarah has laid some major hateration on this book, but it’s the first Crusie I read, and I really liked it. I don’t normally like “woman faces crisis in mid-life and re-builds everything from scratch” stories, but I picked it up because of the incredible hype surrounding it, and wonder of wonders, for once my ass wasn’t burned. I really liked the hero and heroine, I really liked their story, I really liked the dog, and I really liked the kid. Now if only Crusie will work on more convincing villains… B+
Crazy For You: Read what Sarah said. (Even though she is SO WRONG about Tell Me Lies.) B+
Welcome to Temptation: Everyone loves this book. Me? I say, “Meh.” Not a BAD meh, mind you--but still. Meh. B-
Fast Women: Ooooh, much better. A murder mystery, two female friends who are fun to read about, cute but neurotic dog, patented dishevelled-but-hot Crusie hero. Ahhhh. A-
Faking It: What is with me and not lovin’ on the Dempsey books by Crusie? Again, I declare MEH. Which is too bad, because the premise of the story (two crooks, one significantly crookeder than the other, try to out-crook each other) sounded like so much fun. C
Bet Me: Big old SQUEEE OMG I LOVE THIS BOOK SO MUCH from me, folks, which, as you may have gathered, isn’t exactly an uncommon occurence with me when it comes to Crusie. (But if you think I’m bad with Crusie, just wait till I finish my Laura Kinsale Lightning Reviews. Oh just you wait.) I love everything about the story: Min’s change from grumpy tight-ass to zaftig babe, Cal’s hotness, Elvis the cat, the two awesome best friends, the cute-but-not-nauseatingly-sweet kid, the descriptions of the fun, kicky shoes, the descriptions of the mouth-watering food, the way the Universe steps in and actively starts hurting Cal when he decides he can’t see Min any more. Sigh. A+
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by SB Sarah • Wednesday, June 01, 2005 at 09:25 AM
I am in the middle of an advanced reader copy of a novel to be published later this fall, and while I am enjoying the reading, I have to say, editors, copy editors, and those whose job it is to catch the pickiest of the nitpicky, and pull all the coherent threads back together, I am in awe. Awe, I tell you.
It’s not that this book is not well-written or that this ARC is full of errors that distract me - it’s only a few “and” where “an” should be, and at one point the sister is a she-shit, and at another the heroine mentions her as if she hadn’t been mentioned at all prior, and while it’s my job to evaluate the plot and the storyline, I am thinking more as I read this how much I take for granted the people whose job it is to catch all those and/an and bring the loose strands back into the braid. If it were my job, I would go in circles and have no idea how to see the big picture and the little parts. The larger story and the smaller parts that create it would blur and merge from big to little and back again, like looking too long at an MC Escher picture.
So to the editors, wordsmiths, typesetters, grammar sticklers, and authors out there: this Bud’s for you.
From a humble reader: I say, Thank you.
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by Candy • Tuesday, May 31, 2005 at 10:53 AM
Sarah and Candy are incommunicado for three days because of Sarah’s lack of internet, and THIS is what they start talking about first thing Monday morning.
Candy: Hey, how’d the moving go?
Sarah: Moving went well. LOVE the new house. We not only hired movers to move us, but we hired movers to PACK which was a WEIRD experience. They packed EVERYTHING. And I mean, every thing. My mother in law helped us unpack because I am limited in energy and it is far too easy for me to hurt myself, and she opened a lovingly wrapped paper bundle of… takeout Chinese duck sauce packets.
Sidebar: Can evidence of arousal in Chinese romance/erotica heroines be likened unto duck sauce? Discuss!
Candy: I love that the movers packed your duck sauce packets! BWAH! And I’m glad you asked about comparisons to duck sauce, because seriously, you could’ve said fish sauce. Or sweet-and-sour. Or oyster.
Sarah: See, I’m a big fan of duck sauce, though not from women, and while I don’t think I’ve ever had fish sauce, or oyster, I have had sweet-n-sour and lobster, and I don’t think they match the true erotica heroine consistency I’m looking for.
Of course, then we have to discuss the hero: egg roll? Kung pao chicken roll? Chicken skewer?
Candy: I’m pretty sure you’ve had oyster sauce. If you’ve had stir-fry or fried rice, you’ve had oyster. Few people realize that the distinctive taste of Chinese stir-fry is almost entirely due to oyster sauce. The sauce itself is thick and gloopy and brown, and it’s not a dipping sauce at all--it’s used strictly for cooking, near as I can tell. I have a giant bottle in my refrigerator at all times for the making of the stir-fry.
It would be too funny if in the Chinese version of the Catherine Coulter novel you told me about, the hero had used oyster sauce to lubricate the heroine’s cunny instead of cream.
As for what the hero should be: pork ribs? Or if he’s especially large--beef shank in herbal broth?
Sarah: Stirfry is oyster sauce? No kidding! No wonder stir fry makes me ill. Just about all the valve-type shellfish, like clams, oysters, mussels, etc, make me iller than ill. I be illin’.
Oh my GOD yes. Midsummer Magic, with oyster sauce! UGH!
Pork ribs would be GREAT. Perhaps we can work this into the character generator script? He’s as big as an egg roll, or some chicken satay on a skewer, or a shishkabob - the whole thing. Useful if one is a sheik, no?
Candy: Hey, if the hero’s a sheikh, then we need to include leg of lamb. Or mutton. He’s baa-aaa-aaa-d to the bone.
And the heroine’s sauce would be some kind of yogurt-tahini combination. HAAAAA.
Sarah: Totally, if the hero is a sheik, there needs to be mutton or some kind of shank (har har shank). Or, if he were seriously teeny, a pine nut. And tahini would work. Or, on a bad day, hummus.
Candy: YES to the hummus. CHUNKY hummus.
Or chunky kefir.
Wow, that just made me throw up a little in my mouth.
Sarah: Hummus with Roasted Garlic and Pine Nuts!
Candy: Screw the pine nuts! This heroine wants cucumber! An UNCUT cucumber!
Sarah: Don’t forget the yogurt sauce.
Ok. Now I’m nauseated, too.
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by SB Sarah • Tuesday, May 31, 2005 at 08:46 AM
Candy and I have been kicking ideas back and forth regarding advertising on this site. On one hand, I solemnly swear on all four of my cats, and on Candy’s cats, that we will never subject you to epileptic seizure advertisements, popup windows, or those bastard sliding ads that get in your way and won’t let you see the actual content. So fear not- annoying ads are not in our plans.
Neither, for the time being, are Google ads, which are content-specific, and, as Candy pointed out, the number of times we mention backdoor lovin’ might bring some seriously questionable advertisement blocks.
So - I came up with an idea, and I want to ask you, our noble - and somewhat titled - readership what you think. We’d like to offer dedicated advertisement space on a weekly basis for authors, publishing houses, editors, and writers. We’d link to reviews or point-of-sale sites for your book, and feature a graphic, and a small blurb about your book or product. Candy and I are still discussing rates - and your suggestions in that department are certainly welcome - but since we are both happy with the number of writerly-sorts that frequent this here bitcherty, we thought we’d make the discussion about advertisement as much of an opportunity for you as it is for us.
So: *puts on Linda Richman voice*: Advertisements for authors and books. To host or not to host: discuss!
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by SB Sarah • Tuesday, May 31, 2005 at 07:25 AM
All of my books, save exactly three pregnancy books and a novel, are packed in boxes that, given the priority system Hubby and I worked out, will probably stay in wrapped confinement for a week or so.
So yesterday in the Super Stop n’Shop, after doing the Mother of All Target Runs, I passed by the paperback aisles and took my usually gander at what was new, hot, and popular enough to stock at the grocery store. I didn’t go to the book section of Target because that’s just asking for some heavy impatient sighing from Hubby. But the SSnS book aisle had the romance conveniently wrapped around the end so you passed it on your way to the checkout lines.
I glance over, and hello Suzanne Enoch? Writing contemporary? Well color me surprised. I think Enoch and I think “London/rake/scoundrel/cravat/valet/pelisse.” I surely do not think of contemporary cartoon covers about cat burglars and business tycoons.
So, in my first ever ‘I am going to have to review this for SBTB. Wonder if I can claim it on my taxes?’ purchase, I have procured said contemporary, written by a known-historical author, and I shall let you know how it goes.
However, this phrase from the Amazon synopsis does give me pause: Though some readers may be disappointed by the lack of a traditional happily-ever-after, others will cheerfully await Sam and Richard’s next adventure. First, a not HEA? Dang. That’s why I read romance, people. Come on now, don’t take my guaranteed HEA away from me. Second, continued adventures? What, is everyone JD Robb now? Writing series with heavy romantic elements? Dang, again.
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