SundayWorshipAtTheTempleofMan-Titty!GAYMan-Titty!

by Candy Sunday, August 14, 2005 at 05:32 PM

His wick. It is indeed gay.

Sarah: Dear God. It’s like a checklist: open shirt? Check! Tucked into pants? Check! Ruffle? CHECK!

But what’s up with Ichabod Crane’s low-hanging saggy scrotum, there? I mean, is shirt-dude kneeling out of pity? The man is half-dead, and the half that’s dead is down his pants.

Candy: The dude on the left looks really, really bored. “Oh boy. Another blowjob from a blond twink with nipples harder than sapphires. Just another day at Gaywyck.”

Biggest. Camelnose. EVER.

Sarah: MY EYES! MY EYES! Jesus in a sidecar, what is this? Romance for the elephantitis-loves-mullet set? Wouldn’t you seek help if your nads swelled up to the size of cantaloupes?

I can’t even see the rest of the cover. All I see is “giant nutsack!”

Candy: Mr. Testicular Elephantitis bears a somewhat strong resemblance to a friend of mine. His FACE, people, I mean his FACE. So there’s a whole new level of “EEEGAAAH!” going on over here when I look at this cover.

And in addition to elephantitis, Aspen… I mean cover dude totally looks as if he has scoliosis as well. I mean, is it possible to curve your spine THAT MUCH and still remain upright? I (and other adherents to the laws of gravity) would love to know.

And yeah, what’s up with the mullet, man? I guess I should be grateful it’s not Jheri-curled into the bargain.

What, she's not sticking around to watch them get it on?

Sarah: Published in smaller markets as “Fag-Hag’s Lament,” this cover features Lila Fowler from Sweet Valley High, dressed in her Civil-War best, running towards the cliffs of despair as she realizes that Bruce Patman loves himself, and only himself, and since he’s been conveniently cloned, so much the better for both of them.

Candy: And I thought Boondock Saints fanfic was the only place where twincest runs rampant.

That there’s an actual term for this fetish makes me even sadder and scareder.

My question is: Why is the silly girl walking away? If it were me and I’d just been utterly shunned that way, I totally would’ve whipped out my camera (or my sketchbook, to be historically accurate) and had a good time watching the two boys getting it on while recording it for posterity.

Not to mention the excellent blackmail material this kind of thing would’ve afforded....

Buh. No words for this.

Sarah: “Gee, Chet, thanks to some poorly-developed computer graphics, your leg appears to be going directly through my ass.”

“Golly, Lesley, you’re right. And so nice of you to compare my leg to my… other leg! Seems the soccer field is the only thing that’s empty.”

Candy: Wow. Another mullet. Twincest, elephantitis and mullets.

*starts weeping*

What’s weird (besides the mind-bogglingly awful artwork in general) about this cover is, everything on these two figures is hugely overdeveloped… exept for one key area.

OH COME ON. I can’t be the only person who automatically looks THERE on these covers. And it just doesn’t seem as if there’s anything THERE for the dark-haired dude.

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Categories: Covers Gone Wild! (Non-Snoop Dogg Edition)

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HotSaucebyScottPomfret&ScottWhittier

by SB Sarah Sunday, August 14, 2005 at 05:21 PM
Our Grade:
B+
Title: Hot Sauce
Author: S. Pomfret & S. Whittier
Publication Info: Warner Books 2005, ISBN: 0446694312
Genre: Contemporary Romance

Hot Sauce, baby, yeah! I have been mentally pacing, imagining my reviewer self walking back and forth across the space of my brain, trying to figure out how to approach this review.

Short answer: did I like the book? Heck yeah.

But how do I review it? Do I focus on its importance as a gay romance in a heavily-heterosexual genre, or do I approach it as a romance akin to every other romance I’ve read?  As the RWA attempts to define what is romance, and what gendered pairs can and cannot participate in a romance novel, it is certainly important to acknowledge how important a gay romance novel is at the present moment. But at the same time, I should hold it to the same standards of any other romance novel, though that does mean that I might have to reveal some of my own preconceptions about romance, and how I ended up discarding a few thoughts of “If this were a heterosexual romance, who would fit the male role” and “… who would fit the female role” because to attempt to pigeonhole gay or lesbian couples into heterosexist stereotypes is wrong wrong wrong. And I know it - but that doesn’t mean I’m always immune from doing so, unfortunately. However, once I got into the story, it was just that: kickass storytelling, and the attempts to involve any heterosexism on my part fell away.

More,more,more!>
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Categories: Reviews by Author, L-PReviews by Grade: B

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Candy’sList

by SB Sarah Sunday, August 14, 2005 at 03:13 PM

Did you know Candy has an Amazon list?

Romances That Aren’t Total Crap!

Lemme guess: Kinsale, Gaffney, and that Putney with Adrian, Uncommon Vows

Ooh ooh, what do I win? It has to be Candy; no one else would say “for the love of God and tacos,” and also, “Dude.”

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Categories: The Link-O-Lator

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CommentFuckiness

by Candy Friday, August 12, 2005 at 01:14 PM

OK, Sarah and I are trying to figure out how to fucking close the comments in EE without making all the comments disappear.

And it’s motherfucking HARDER THAN IT NEEDS TO BE.

For the next few hours, things may be a bit wacky with the comments. Right now, you’ll notice there are two comment links for most of our entries. One of them has the entry box, the other one doesn’t.

So if weird things are happening, be patient, and just refresh the page. I’m trying out different solutions at a really quick rate, so the comment thing is going to change from moment to moment.

If you have long comments to leave, I recommend you type ‘em out in Notepad or something first because the way things are going now, you might lose ‘em.

Edited to add: FUCK YEAH we just figured it out! WHO’S YOUR DADDY? UNH UNH UNH OH YEAH WE RULE. *happydance*

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Categories: News

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Checkthisout

by SB Sarah Friday, August 12, 2005 at 11:31 AM

From the dedication page of Time Off for Good Behavior by Lani Diane Rich:

“And last, without trying to sound like I’m pandering, because I really mean this, I’d like to thank everyone who reads this book. You may not realize it, but every time you read a book, you’re validating every author who ever thought up a story and, despite the overwhelming odds, said, “I’m gonna give this a shot.” You’ve made dreams come true, and that’s one of the most important things a human being can do. So go forth and feel good about yourself. You rock.”

I’ve never had a book suck up to me, the reader, before, but damn, now that felt oh-so-good. Thanks, and you’re welcome! 

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Categories: Random Musings

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