Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

Gillian won a copy of Wanderlust on this here site, and since she doesn’t have a blog of her own, she sent her review to me. Enjoy!

Note:  I play far too many videogames.  Whenever Jax’s PDA speaks, I hear it in GlaDOS’ voice.  Just...throwing that out there.

Onward!

Wanderlust is the sequel to Grimspace, which detailed the trials and tribulations of one Ms. Sirantha Jax, whose job used to be navigating spaceships through the grimspace of the title for the Farwan Corporation.  Then there was some unpleasantness with a crash and a cover-up, and a psychic mercenary and a symbiotic baby, and a bounty hunter who was really a giant insect, and so Farwan Corp ceased to be.

Thus, Jax needs a new job, as ambassador for a newly empowered government.  Her mission is to persuade a whole planet of giant bugs to join the Conglomerate.  She is not a qualified ambassador, nor is she particularly diplomatic, but she’s the only person the giant insects will accept, and so she is hired on principle.

Honestly, I didn’t enjoy Wanderlust as much as Grimspace.  It was entertaining, but it didn’t keep me gripped the way the first book did.  I read a lot of it whilst waiting for my merry band of idiots to regain their health points in Mass Effect (Oh Garrus!  Dead again, are we?).  It lent itself quite well to keeping me entertained for short bursts of time when I had nothing to do, but it was pretty near the end before I hit a point where I didn’t want to put it down. 

Calling all erotica authors - sorry - writers of smut. There’s a new publisher afoot.

Paper Bag Press has just founded itself with a four page website seeking submissions. The money quote:

We are seeking new or established authors for exclusive publication. We want writers who can craft a short story with a strong plot that revolves around sexual experience. The stories are not necessarily romantic — the sex is the focus. If the characters are in luuurv, that’s fine, as long as the sex is hot.

There are three length categories we are seeking:

* Weekenders — 10,000-15,000 words
* One-nighters — 4,000-8,500 words
* One-handers — 1,000-3,500 words

Wow. Use of “one handers” inspires me. Not to mention the “luuurv.” As Longmire knows, it’s all about the luuurv.

Then there’s this part:

Other than that, we are an equal opportunity smut peddler. We know that you are taking a chance on us since we are new. Because of this, we are offering a 5% royalty bonus for the first 25 stories that are accepted for publication. This offer will extend through September 30, 2008, or until we get our first 25 accepted stories.

5% royalty bonus on top of what? Am I the only one who looks at a site like this and thinks, “That’s it? You want to do business and you have a four page site with about zero business content? WHY should I do business with you?”

Between the one-handers and the smut peddling, were I a writer of erotica, this would not be my bag.

Thanks to Esri Rose for the link.

Jane from Dear Author forwarded us a cover image that’s so spectacular, we had to share it. And challenge you to caption it with the appropriate sound effect.

Jane: Doesn’t it look like she is squishing his 6 pack together and the muscles are going to burst out through the skin like some pus from a pimple?

Candy: FWARGH! I physically flinched when that cover loaded.

The coy way her fingers baaaarely cover his manly nipples is hilarious. And her fingers are causing the surrounding titty to WRINKLE. Are her fingers the equivalent of super sour candy FOR NIPPLES?

Sarah: Awful, isn’t it? Like he has saline implants and she’s massaging them.

Do you think his man titty sounds like that squelch when you jump on a waterbed?

And behold, a Smart Bitch Contest is born! Caption that Cover—Onomatopoeia Edition: What is the sound made my his man titty when squished by her stubby little fingers? Feel free to weigh in with whatever caption you like, LOLs or otherwise, but we’re looking for sound effects, folks.

Winner as judged by Jane, Candy and me will receive a copy of a copy of Manhandling by Karen Anders, and a $20 Gift Certificate to Amazon or Powells (your choice).

Here’s a slightly-fuzzy close up of the wrinkly squish to, you know, inspire you. 

Thinking of writing during September? Thinking of reading during September (who isn’t?!)? Writers and readers are joining to raise money for The Cystic Fibrosis Foundation through the Unleash Your Story event. Sponsors can donate in honor of the writing and reading goals pledged by those who register, and folks can register in teams or individually. This year’s pacesetter author is Debbie Macomber, who writes about 46.6 million words a day, and I have to go lie down now.

Thanks to Kate Rothwell for the link.

Robin B., Diana Holquist and a few other folks have sent me the link to this article from early August in the UK Guardian about a clause in some Random House contracts for children’s book writers that attempts to dictate behavior. From the article:

If you act or behave in a way which damages your reputation as a person suitable to work with or be associated with children, and consequently the market for or value of the work is seriously diminished, and we may (at our option) take any of the following actions: Delay publication / Renegotiate advance / Terminate the agreement.”

Oh, come on now, and I mean it. What defines acts or behavior that damages value of the work? And what’s up with casting childrens authors as role models for all? The Society of Author’s Children’s Writers and Illustrators Group has advised authors who receive that clause in their contract to ask for its removal, but the idea that its in there in the first place makes my jaw drop for a host of reasons.