Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

We interrupt this Day of HaBO-lation to ... give away some books! Jill Sorenson is giving away five ARCs of her her debut single-title romance Crash Into Me, due out in January 2009. Crash Into Me is about a tough female FBI agent placed undercover to investigate a gorgeous-hot but reclusive pro surfer.

Want one? She’s looking for help among the brilliance of the Bitchery: her editor at Bantam is looking for sexy/provocative song lyrics or titles for the title of her next book. “Crash Into Me” is, obviously, the extremely sultry Dave Matthews Band song, so her editor wants to keep with that theme. Jill’s untitled book, to be released in fall 2009, features “a wildlife expert heroine and a reluctant sheriff hero, investigating a mountain lion mauling in the fictional desert town of Tenaja Falls, California.”

[Note: Wildlife expert heroine?! Wildlife expert?! Paging Paul Tolme! Paging Paul Tolme!]

Jill will pick the winners this time tomorrow, and winners will each receive a shiny, spiffy ARC of Crash Into Me. Winners are humbly asked to post a review or their thoughts of the book on their own blogs, or to post them as a comment to the winner’s announcement tomorrow.

Here are some awful suggestions that are easy to beat to get you started: The Lion Sleeps Tonight!. Dude Looks Like a Lion! And… wait for it… wait for it… Love Bites!

Truly, there aren’t enough 80’s Hair Band Power Ballads used as romance novel titles, and that’s a damn hairy shame.

You’re once, twice, three times a HaBO!

Deb writes:

Like most HABO requests, my description is very light on details.  It came out in the early 80s, I think.  It was a trade paperback and a historical.  The hero was some kind of Aztec, Mayan, or Incan royalty (yes I know there’s a difference, I just can’t remember which it was!) and the heroine was, of course, white and blonde.  At some point, the hero’s sister ended up enslaved as a maid to the heroine.  Later, the heroine discovered her maid’s true identity (royalty of some kind) and had the grace to be embarrassed about it.  After the whole ‘my maid is royalty and my boyfriend’s sister!’ reveal, all three of them leave for the ?jungle? to be with the Indian civilization.

Yeah, I know this is a huuuuuge longshot, but it’s been bugging me, and I figured there’s no harm in asking.  It was one of my very first ever romance novels, and I’d love to be able to find it again.  Thanks!

A HaBO a day keeps something away. Maybe eczema. But many a day? Make for a fun few hours. Enjoy and bask in the collective power of the Bitchery in knowing every romance ever published ever.

Jennifer writes:

I come to you and your loyal readers to help me locate a lost treasure I read when I was younger.

I had a Silhoutte Desire novel that was from either the late 80s or early 90s. The book cover had a blonde guy with curly hair and a brunette or dark haired chick on the cover.  The whole story was about this guy named Adam at least I think that was his name.  He was a carpenter and was working on this girls grandmother’s house.  The Grandmother decided to play matchmaker between her granddaughter and this guy.  They fight the attraction but yet seem to somehow fall in and love and have incredible sex.

I hope you and your smart bitches can help me out.

Basement? Check. Sharpie marker? Check. Excellent grasp of depth and sketch art? If you’re this dude, yup and double yup. With a box of Sharpies, he illustrated his entire basement into a trompe l’oeil library.

So awesome. Makes me want to get crafty, but I don’t know that any part of my basement would be improved by my ability to doodle.

[Thanks to Silver for the link.]

A swerve off the road of romance to talk about books in general - hold on to your hats. Twice recently I’ve had the occasion to send people books who have been in mourning, or in a terribly stressful place where a respite would be needed.

I’ve taken a great liking to sending books when flowers or food might be the standard gift, especially those books that are escapes for the people reading them, a chance to check out temporarily from whatever hurt they’re facing to enjoy a fictional break. Most of the time reading anything is like that for me - I become completely oblivious when I’m reading, to the point where if a book really grabs me, I often nearly miss my stop.

But the Escape and Respite Books are those that not only grab the reader, but transport them easily and gently into the story, or cause the reader to laugh, even when there’s precious little to laugh about.

The two books I’ve been recommending are very different, but I wanted to pass them along to anyone among the Bitchery who might have need of them.