Smart Bitches Trashy Books | All of the romance, none of the bullshit.

I received a PR notice about a new CBS Show called “Moonlight”, which, according to the release, is about “Mick St. John (Alex O’Loughlin), a captivating, charming and immortal private investigator from Los Angeles who defies the traditional blood-sucking norms of his vampire tendencies by using his wit and powerful supernatural abilities to help the living.”

Check out the publicity photo and let’s count the verbal and visual vampire clichés as I assign random point values to each!

1 pt: “Saint X” in the last name of the hero - subtle reinforcement of heroic character!

2 pts: crossing vampire with private investigator to come up with angsty secretive reinforcement of heroic character! As my television guru says, it’s Angel plus additional Law & Order angst and drama - it’s Law & Order: Vampire Unit with, I suspect, emphasis on the vampire’s unit.

10000000 pts: That looks suspiciously like a MULLET! On PRIME TIME! I think I have to go lie down from the overwhelming awesomeness.

3 pts: Wayne Newton belt buckle - subtle reinforcement of… I have no idea.

2 pts: Extremely skinny woman in skin-tight dress showing off the fact that if she turns to the side, you can barely see her. Subtle reinforcement of unattainable body image for women. Mortal women.

3 pts: Additional skinny yet supremely buxom woman with unflattering wide-legged pants and anorak - to contrast with extremely skinny woman. Subtle reinforcement of L.L. Bean attire as unflattering fashion choice? (Does L.L. Bean sell silver anoraks?)

4 pts: Can we talk some more about St. Hero’s attire? Black shirt, black jacket, black pants, silver sparkly belt buckle? He’s like a superhero… IN HIS PANTS.

3 pts: Completely nondescript male sidekick.

1 pt: Sidekick’s shirt is too tight.

1 pt: Sidekick’s pants are too long.

3 pts: Nice placemen of big silver phallus emerging from St. Angst Superhero’s tushy, eh? Subtle reinforcement of gay subtext? I can only hope so!

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